Teasing the Flames
by The Deadliest Vapor
Summary: Life is a series of choices with varying consequences. Sometimes the outcome is worth the consequence, sometimes it costs too much. Edward can't figure out exactly what it is that he wants. Jasper doesn't make it any easier.
1. Chapter 1

**Twilight belongs to S. Meyer. I'm just borrowing her characters. **

**Thanks to AFWife for being an awesome Beta and so much more!**

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Edward had grown up like any other boy in the small town of Forks, Washington. His parents were happily married, then happily divorced, and he had a good childhood. His mother signed him up for sports all throughout elementary and junior high, but once high school came along, he decided to be involved in only football; not only was he a decent player, but he enjoyed playing it as well. Edward looked like a normal teenage boy standing at an awkward 5'8" and carrying a slim but quite toned build. He had shaggy reddish-brown hair and green eyes. He wouldn't stick out in a crowd, and to him, that was okay because he knew something about himself that made him different from most of the boys he went to school with.

While Edward's friends were all talking about how hot and sexy certain girls in his school were, he couldn't help but to notice how attractive he found certain boys. He knew better than to say anything about it because the other guys were always making gay jokes and mercilessly taunting kids they didn't like by calling them 'fags' and 'cocksuckers'. Edward went along with the it and would talk about Megan Fox's rack or Jessica Alba's ass whenever his friends were around, but when he would go into his bedroom it was a completely different story; he couldn't help but admire the men featured in GQ Magazine or that he thought some of the guys on his football team were definitely hotter than any of the girls at their school.

Locker room showers soon became Edward's most hated and most loved part of the day. He enjoyed watching his fellow team members in the shower and appreciating how different and good their bodies looked. Edward hated showering with guys because he would always start to get hard. Eventually, he took to showering and dressing as fast as possible that way he wouldn't have to look at any anybody, and hopefully, they wouldn't notice that he was sporting a semi.

The new emotions confused Edward and he began to question to sexuality. He wasn't stupid and knew he would get shit for it if he was, but he didn't know if people would accept him, even his family. So he just kept silent. He decided to visit his cousin, Tanya, in San Francisco for the summer. He thought it would help him gain understanding of himself if he were to spend some time where people were more open minded. Edward had walked around San Francisco with his cousin and saw guys holding hands with each other and same-sex couples sharing displays of affection in public and no one even gave it a second thought.

One evening while eating dinner with Tanya, he decided to tell her he was gay as long as she promised not to tell anyone else in the family. The conversation went better than he could have ever imagined; she completely approved and even set him up with someone his own age to hang out with. Mark was eighteen and just graduated, was definitely hot in Edward's opinion. He had slightly darker skin than Edward and a very slim build. Both of them hit it off. They enjoyed dinner together and even ended up making out throughout the movie they had gone to. After that Edward was addicted. He had never kissed a girl before, but couldn't imagine how it would feel compared to a guy. He loved the way Mark's large hands felt against his skin and the slight stinging of the stubble on his face when they kissed. However, much too soon, summer ended and Mark and Edward held no pretenses that what they shared was anything more than a summer fling. They ended on good terms and promised to keep in touch.

School had started back up again, and although Edward had accepted if not welcomed his own sexuality, he didn't really want to advertise it to anyone else. Thinking he could just lay low Edward wouldn't date or show interest in any girls. He would try to pull the 'I'm really focused on school and football' card. Though that might have worked for any other girl, it didn't work for a girl named Alice or for his best friend Jasper.

Jasper, the boy who had lived down the street from Edward since birth, was undeniably Edward's best friend. Jasper was slightly taller and had a bigger build than Edward; his eyes were a mix of gray and blue and he had short blonde hair. He had been pestering Edward to start dating and 'get some pussy'. Edward kept saying it was too much effort, and that's when Alice came into his life. She was the bane of his existence. Alice was hyper girl with a wiry but short build, she had straight jet black hair and would not take no for an answer. She didn't wait for Edward to ask her out, she asked him out, numerous times in fact. After getting much flack from his best friend Jasper, Edward relented and told her yes.

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"Edward, just go out with her. You know she wants you; it'll be an easy fuck, and you can be done with her. When you do her though, be all greedy and make sure she doesn't get off that way she won't wanna go out again." Jasper laughed at his own idea.

"I don't know… What if she gets even worse?"

"Dude, what's your problem? Stop being such a pussy. You aren't dating or fucking anyone."

"You don't know that."

"So you're getting action and not telling me about it? I'm offended. I tell you everything."

"I hate you." That was all Edward could say as he walked towards Alice.

"Hey. Uh Alice. Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"What's up handsome?"

"Wanna go to a movie or something on Friday"

"Really? YES!" Alice squealed, and they exchanged details.

Alice and Edward went on a date. They went on several in fact. The relationship between the two of them was essentially effortless. Edward felt comfortable around her and felt like he could tell her everything. He didn't mind holding her hand and giving her gentle kisses every now and then. And even though he felt a connection between the two of them, he still knew he wasn't straight. Fortunately, for him, Alice never really pushed the issue of sex and every time he felt as if a heavy make out session was needed he would just fantasize about boys he found attractive. It felt wrong though, he wanted to hear low grunts and feel large hands on his chest, but instead he got high pitched squeals and small hands with nails clawing at his back. Yet, he kept up the charade. Keeping Alice around was less stressful then not having her. He could keep up the façade of being straight and no one would question him.

Weeks passed and Edward was still with Alice. She was officially his best friend, his confidant, everything except his lover. He adored her and would do anything for her and she knew this. She knew everything about Edward and some things before he even told her. His sexuality was no exception.

"Alice, stop please… stop." Edward tried to breathe out as Alice started palming him through the denim of his jeans.

"Okay."

"Okay? Just like that? You're not gonna whine?" Edward asked perplexed.

"Well, no. I mean I can whine if you want me to." She responded, nonchalantly.

"No, I don't. Alice, I really need to tell you something, and I really need you not to hate me when I do" Edward looked at her with pleading eyes. "You know I love you, right? I mean I know I've never said it before, but I show it, right? What I'm trying to say is you mean so much to me and are absolutely my favorite person. I just need…"

"Wait, you love me!" Alice practically screeched.

"Yes. I do I just…"

"No, stop. You stop right there. You're gay! I mean rainbows and dicks, yeah?"

"Yes, I'm.. How did you know?" A look of horror spread across Edward's face. "I'm not that obvious, am I? Oh God. Please, say no."

Alice just started laughing and when she thought she was done she would look over at him and start laughing again. His face was bright red, his mouth hung down to the floor, and his eyes were wide with shock. Finally, after about 10 minutes of laughing at Edward's expense, Alice was able to calm herself.

"Edward, close your mouth and calm down. You aren't obvious to anyone at all."

"Then how do you know?"

"So you are?"

"You know I am," He replied while giving her the best 'duh' look he could muster, "but how do you know?"

"I just figured it out. I mean you aren't really interested in doing anything physical with me, and the only times you have ever been are when we watched something with hot guys in it…" She smiled, trying to hide the sad. Although Alice knew he was gay, and had been for sometime, it didn't stop her heart from feeling more for him.

"I'm sorry I lied to you."

"It's okay. I guess you needed a cover, and I wouldn't leave you alone, so I guess it worked out well enough."

Guilt coursed through Edward. At first she was just a cover, but now he didn't know what he would do if he couldn't talk to her every day. "You're more than that now though, you know that, right?" He waited for validation. "Right?" He urged again.

Alice remained silent and stared down at the floor. Edward enveloped her in a hug.

"You're my best friend. I appreciate you so much and I love you like family." He reassured her. "You need to know that."

She did. His feelings were in his eyes and Alice saw them every time he looked at her. She just wished the love filled them was of a different kind.

They waited a couple of days to announce their break up to their friends. Neither person said anything negative about the other. They both stated the same thing basically, "we just weren't meant for each other."

Immediately after they broke up word spread like wildfire that Edward was gay. He didn't know who started it, but Alice was his number one suspect. She swore on her life that she didn't tell anyone. Of course, he didn't believe her, but being that at the moment she was one of the few people that would openly talk to him at school he didn't stay mad at her.

As time passed, most people were okay with it or didn't care, but there were some that just couldn't accept him his sexuality. Jasper was one of those people. Once the rumors were confirmed, he just wouldn't leave Edward alone.

"Hey Edward, come here for a second." Jasper called to Edward from across the locker room.

Edward wrapped his towel around his waist and walked over to Jasper and waited for him say something.

"Here man, I got you a gift to show you I'm cool with you being gay." Jasper reached into his bag and pulled out a small green vibrator.

Hesitantly, Edward grabbed it and was about to tell him to fuck off, because he knew it was a joke when Jasper shouted, "Dude, I'm not gonna fuck you with my dick or that vibrator! Fucking fag!" Edward turned bright red and hurriedly got dressed. He was upset and didn't really feel like being ridiculed. He didn't go to school for two days after that and even considered changing schools. If it weren't for Alice, he would have.

Alice, who Edward began to affectionately call Malice, told him he couldn't let the homophobes and deniers win. Edward went back to school, but chose to quit football. He wasn't going to make his life any harder than it had to be. Ignoring people, Jasper included, was easier than he thought it was going to be. Soon, all the torture and harassment stopped and he was content. Edward learned as long as he didn't give them a reaction, or hit on any guys, they left him alone.

It was a Friday night and the high school's homecoming. There was an after party at one of the players' house. Edward really didn't want to go, but Alice refused to go without him. She was really persistent and annoying when it came to shit like that.

"Edward Fucking Cullen, you get our ass out of that bed and come to the party with me!" Alice shouted over the phone.

"Malice, my annoying little friend, I am not going anywhere. Really, you're the only person I like and will talk to there. I don't want you to feel like you have to babysit me or complain that I'm not mingling enough," Edward replied.

"Stop calling me Malice and fine then, don't go, but I'm not going either. Instead, you and I are going to have an evening alone. We can watch girly movies and give each other facials. I just bought the most recent copy of Cosmo; we can give each other BJ tips too!" She said with way to much enthusiasm. She had won, and she knew it too. Even though Edward was gay, he was in no way girly. Although learning how to suck a cock like an expert appealed to him, he had no urge, whatsoever, to watch chick flicks and peel that sticky cucumber crap off of his face. It hurt like hell the first time he tried it and actually made his face break out. In his opinion girls do some crazy shit to look pretty.

"I hate you and I'm driving. I'll pick you up at eight," Edward responded defeated. He heard a high pitch squeal causing him to pull his phone from his ear, and when he put it back, all he heard was a dial tone. Sighing, Edward got off the couch and went to find something decent to wear.

"Well, hey stud," Alice smiled as she greeted Edward. "Don't you look smoking! If I were a guy, I would be begging to slob your knob." She laughed at her own comment, and Edward just shook his head.

"You look great to Malice." He replied unenthusiastically.

Edward and Alice entered the party and straight away Alice was swept away by her new boyfriend, Emmett. Edward actually liked Emmett as a guy. He was cool with Edward and Alice being friends and spending so much time together, and he actually called Edward a few times to hang out. He really couldn't be happier for Alice. However, this left him in a bit of a predicament. What the hell was he supposed to do for the next couple of hours until Alice was ready to go home?

Cursing under his breath, Edward made his way over to an empty corner. He contemplated just leaving Alice at the party knowing Emmett would take her home, but he really didn't want to deal with her wrath in the morning. So instead of leaving, he decided he would just chill and people watch. Maybe something exciting would happen; it was the very least he could hope for.

The party wasn't going nearly as bad as he thought it would. Some people that were still cool with him after he came out were there. It had been almost two hours and he was getting antsy, and although he had been mildly entertained throughout that time, he was ready to go. Edward started looking for Alice, but couldn't find her inside the house. He figured she and Emmett probably went to go find a spot to make out, so he ventured outside. The backyard was completely empty, most likely because it was freezing outside, but he thought he would still look around anyway. As he was checking the side of the house he heard some sniffling. He went to check it out.

It was Jasper.

Although it was dark outside, he could clearly tell that Jasper had been crying. He was sitting with his back against the side of the house with his knees pulled to his chest, his elbows resting on his knees, and his palms were digging into his eyes. Edward's presence was unnoticed by Jasper, and he contemplated going inside and ignoring the fact that something was wrong with Jasper. However, he just couldn't. He and Jasper had been friends for several years before they fell apart this year, and even though he was pissed at Jasper, Edward couldn't leave him alone out there.

"Jasper?" Edward questioned, stepping into his view.

"Go away." Jasper mumbled, not even caring to see who had called him.

"No." Edward moved closer and Jasper looked up.

"I said go away fag," Jasper said, with a venomous tone.

"And I said no. I'm gonna plop my ass right down next to you until you either go inside or start talking." There was an uncomfortable silence between the two boys. Jasper was upset and Edward was slightly nervous and scared for his physical health.

"She left me." A hushed voice broke the silence. "Kate left me, said I wasn't what she needed. I fucking love her, and I thought she loved me. She didn't even cry or look sad, man."

Edward didn't say anything, instead he just put a hand on Jasper's shoulder. Jasper didn't flinch or really even notice the added warmth.

"I tried getting a ride home, but most people were already drinking, and then I saw her all up on Garrett's jock. I'm such a fucking wimp getting all heartbroken over some pussy, and I'm being comforted by a fag. Why the fuck are you even out here? Are you hoping some guy is gonna be passed out in the bushes so you can fucking assault his cock?"

Edward's mouth fell open and he removed his hand from Jasper's shoulder. "Fuck you, Jasper. I was trying to be your friend and comfort you. But, just fuck off…" Edward started to stand up but Jasper grabbed his arm.

"I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to attack you." Jasper's eyes met Edward's and flashed with an emotion that Edward didn't recognize. "Though seriously why are you out here? It's freezing and you don't even have a jacket on."

"I was looking for Alice. I'm ready to go home, and I'm her ride."

"I saw her leave with Emmett. Sorry, dude." Edward felt anger radiate up his spine. _Fucking Malice._

"Okay. Well then that means I can finally go home." Edward successfully stood up this time. "Do you want a ride? I haven't had anything to drink. I'm completely sober."

Jasper nodded and stood up too. "We can leave out the side over here. I really don't wanna see anyone."

The ride to Jasper's was spent in a slightly awkward silence. Neither one of them really knew what to say to the other, so they both kept their mouths shut. Jasper simply nodded at Edward in thanks when they finally reached his house. As soon as Jasper exited the car, Edward pulled out his phone and called Alice, it went straight to her voice mail. He wasn't hesitant to leave a message. "I loathe you, and the same goes for Emmett too. Not cool, not cool at all."

Once Edward got home, he found himself incapable of falling asleep. He kept thinking of how much of an asshole Jasper was even when he was being nice, and although Edward is not a mean person by nature, he decided he was done trying to reconcile his friendship with Jasper.

Edward didn't even realize he had fallen asleep when he was being woken by his mom's voice. "Honey, you need to get up, you have a visitor."

"Tell Malice to go away, and I hope the sun falls on her head." He grumbled and turned away.

"It's not Alice, and you need to stop calling her Malice, that's not very gentlemen like."

"She deserves it, trust me, and I don't care who it is tell them I died and won't come back to life 'til Monday. Now, let me sleep, _mother_." Edward pulled his blanket over his head, and as he did, he felt his bed shift. "GAH! What now mom? I just wanna sleep. GO AWAY!"

"Dude, I don't ever remember you being this grouchy in the morning." A male voice responded to Edward's tantrum.

"What the fuck?"

"Language, sweetie, Edward's mom piped in, while still standing at the door.

"Sorry, ma. Why are you here?"

"To say thanks, and I brought donuts and mountain dew," Jasper simply stated.

"Um okay, well you're welcome. You can go now, but leave the dew."

"Edward!" He shot his mom a death glare, while Jasper just looked at her wondering why she was still hovering in the door. "Okay, okay I'll leave you boys be. Jasper, if Edward doesn't want his donut, give it to me!" Edward's mom laughed as she walked away. Jasper just shook his head and looked back at Edward.

"I was being serious, bye."

"Edward, man, I'm sorry. Look, let's just talk for a minute."

"About what?"

"Um… stuff, like… I don't know… what you've been up to in the couple of months or so?"

"Oh you mean besides getting fucked in the ass with dildos and sucking dick, cuz that's the only thing we gay guys do right?" Edward spit out.

"Woah, where did all this hostility come from? You were cool with me last night?"

"Last night, I didn't realize exactly how much of an ass you are. I do now. Dude, we used to be tight, and because I came out and happen to like other guys, you can't fucking talk to me or be my fucking friend? It's not like I am going to try to fuck you or get you to fuck me. No offense, but you aren't my type."

Edward inhaled sharply and continued.

"That's not even the point though. I saw you were having a shitty night last night, and I tried to talk to you and you attacked me. You call me a fag, and then even after I offer you a ride home, you refuse to be seen leaving the house because you're afraid your friends would see you leaving with me. Oh heaven forbid _that _should happen!" Tears rimmed Edward's eyes.

"No dude, that wasn't it at all. I just didn't wanna see anyone. It had nothing to do with you. I was crying, and I just didn't want the attention that would have come if people saw me like that."

"Whatever… Just leave."

"No, I'm gonna plop my ass down next to you until you decide to eat this deliciously chocolaty donut or until I have to go home" Jasper grinned as he mimicked the ultimatum Edward had given him last night.

Edward didn't know what to think. He wanted to just sit there and let Jasper be bored, but he also didn't feel like company, so he just wanted to eat the damn doughnut so Jasper would leave.

He settled for staring at Jasper and then putting the back of his hand against Jasper's forehead. "Are you sick?"

Confusion decorated Jasper's face. "No, I'm feeling fine. Why did you ask that?"

"Because you're making an effort to talk to me. I can't figure out why, which leads me to believe you're ill."

Jasper shook his head and stood up. He knew he wasn't going to be getting anywhere with Edward today. So he left the mountain dew like Edward asked and took the doughnut down to his mom.

After a few minutes Edward's mom came back up to his room. He was visibly upset so she just sat down next him without a word. A few minutes passed, and Edward decided to speak.

"Mom, I've got something to tell. Please don't get mad at me or kick me out of the house." Edward couldn't look up as he said this.

"Sweetie, you're my only son, I wouldn't kick you out of the house."

"Um…" He stuttered "I'm… Well uh… I'm gay." Edward almost chocked on the word as it came out. "Please say you don't hate me or think poorly of me. I have no other choice mom."

"Tanya told me sweetie. I've known for a couple of weeks." Edward's mother replied.

"She what!"

"She told me on accident sweetie. It just slipped out. She made me promise not to bring it up to you. I'm not mad; I just don't understand how you cannot like women. I mean I was talking to Mrs. Newton a couple of weeks ago about it since she has a gay nephew, and she said it didn't really change him or anything. So I figure it's okay for you to be gay." Edward interrupted his mother

"Hold up, Mrs. Newton, as in Mike Newton's mom?"

"Well, yeah." She stated, while giving her son a 'duh' look.

"Oh my God, mother. You made my life at school a living hell! She told Mike and he spread it around! I can't believe you would talk to somebody about this and not me first!" He was almost yelling by the time he was finished.

"I'm sorry Edward, I didn't know. I mean I accept you for whatever you may be, but you have to understand, that my only son isn't going to give me grandchildren. I was sad, and I don't blame you, I just wanted to talk about it to someone." Edward's mother started crying at her admission and the room fell silent with the exception of a few sniffles.

Edward scooted over and hugged his mom. "It's not okay, but I forgive you. I've only got a few more months here and then I can go to college and be rid of the hick-minded people." He laughed, trying to break the sullen mood that was in the room. Edward's mom hugged him back and then started the interrogation.

"So is that why you and Alice broke up? Because you're gay?"

Edward only nodded.

"Is Jasper your boyfriend? Did you two get into a lover's quarrel last night?" Edward's mom raised her eyebrows a couple of time to show she was jesting.

"No, we got into a fight because he's an asshole who decided to stop being my friend because I like guys."

"That fucker!"

"Language mother." Edward chastised, but couldn't keep from laughing. The rest of the afternoon Edward talked to his mother about what was happening at school and what had happened between him and Jasper.

With the truth out at home, Edward was relieved. Now Edward only wished he could fast forward time to after school was over. However, Monday loomed over him like an axe to a man on death row. It was unavoidable, and he was dreading it.

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**AN: Thanks for reading!**

**Songs used for this chapter**

**Lost and Found (Acoustic) - Senses Fail**

**In Coma (Acoustic) - Dead Poetic  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Twilight Belongs to S. Meyer. I just enjoy messing with her characters.**

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Monday came and went just as Edward had expected it to. Jasper didn't talk to him. Edward, out of principle ignored Alice and Emmett. He still held a grudge against them. Alice offered him an olive branch in the form of a liter of Mountain Dew, but he wanted a verbal apology and hazelnut latte. He wouldn't forgive her until she figured that out. Edward knew it wouldn't it take her long, so he would wait.

The next he got what he wanted.

Friday night approached and Edward was excited for the weekend. Him and Alice were having a Simon Pegg marathon; _Hot Fuzz_, _Shaun of the Dead,_ and _Run Fat Boy Run_. So when someone knocked on the door he expected to be Alice and answered without looking.

"He looks kinda red when he gets exited, but yeah… I guess I'd blow Simon Pegg."

"Umm.. okay thanks for the info?"

That certainly wasn't his dearest Malice.

"Oh shit… Umm… Thought you wer… Alice! There you are!" Edward nearly yelled as he saw Alice walking up.

"I didn't know you were inviting someone else over? Should I invite Emmett?" Alice asked looking between Edward and the unexpected guest.

"Uhh, no he just showed up. I didn't invite him. Just go inside I'll be in, in a minute." Edward didn't take his eyes off the visitor.

Alice nodded and went inside.

"What do you want" Edward's tone was hard.

"To talk to you, maybe hang out."

"Sorry Jasper, busy tonight, but even if I wasn't I would have to say no."

"Why would you have to say no?" Jasper looked disappointed.

"I have no reason to say yes. You've made it perfectly clear how you feel about and, well honestly, I'm okay with that. So I don't know what you're trying to get at, but just quit."

"Look, I was a dick. I know. I'm sorry. I just… Well, I just miss being your friend, dude." Jasper looked into Edward's eyes as he said this hoping that he could tell how sincere he was being.

Edward was silent for a long time and Jasper had turned to walk away. Just as Jasper took his first step Edward sighed and asked "Do you like Simon Pegg?"

"Yeah, but I don't wanna blow him." Jasper chuckled as he replied hoping Edward would get the joke.

"Hardy Har. Funny. Malice and I are watching Simon Pegg movies tonight. You can join if you want."

"Cool. Lemme call my mom and tell her I'll be over here. Then I'll go inside." Jasper smiled.

Edward nodded and went inside shutting the door behind him.

He ran to Alice.

"Oh my God! I am so stupid. I just invited Jasper to watch movies with us."

"You what?!" Alice whisper-screeched.

"Jasper is gonna watch movies with us tonight. You can invite Emmett if you want, but…"

They stopped talking as they heard the front door open.

"Edward, do you have anything good to drink?" Jasper yelled from the entry way "Wait, never mind I'll just raid you're fridge. Oh, is it cool if I still do that?"

"Jasper, you're having a conversation with yourself. You're not giving me time to reply." Edward laughed. "Alice and I already ordered pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple, we also ordered a 2 liter of Mountain Dew."

"K cool. Need me to chip in?"

"Nah, we got this." Edward replied and Jasper sat next to him.

Edward was surprised.

Alice ended up leaving after the second movie claiming to be tired, but Edward knew better. She wanted to go see her man. Edward had expected Jasper to leave then as well.

He didn't.

"So did you still wanna watch Run, Fat Boy, Run or are you tired as well?" Jasper asked

"I still wanna watch it."

"Cool, I'm not ready to go home. The night is still young." The boys smiled at each other and watched the movie; laughing and commenting at random moments.

Jasper left after the movie telling Edward he would call him later.

After that Friday Jasper started talking to Edward at school as well hanging out with him on a more frequented bases. Jasper got some crap for hanging out with Edward so much, but didn't seem to really care.

The end of the school year was rapidly approaching and it seemed as if everyone was eagerly awaiting acceptance letters. Edward had been accepted to several great schools and so had Jasper. However, there was only one college that both of them got accepted to, Seattle University. Edward hadn't wanted to go to the same school as anyone he graduated with. He wanted a fresh start that couldn't happen when he knew people. Jasper's thinking was different though. Jasper told Edward he wanted to go to the same school as him.

"We need to experience this shit together man. It's gonna be great and you can't go to a new place without knowing anyone. We need to go to the same school and share a room." Jasper said a little too happily.

"You're willing saying you wanna share a room with a gay guy?" Edward questioned.

"Dude, it's not like you're gonna rape me. You've made it clear I'm not you're type." Jasper laughed but continued "even if you wanted to, I'm stronger than you and could easily take you."

Edward laughed but agreed to go to Seattle University, but decided to fight for different rooms.

"Fine, I'll go to SU, but do you seriously wanna share a room? I'm fine with it and all, but you do realize that I am not going to be celibate, right? I'm gonna bring guys back… hopefully."

"Well, I hadn't actually thought about that. It's not like I have a problem with you being gay, I just uhh.. yeah, maybe we should get separate rooms." Edward let out a sigh of relief at Jasper's easy acquiescence.

Both boys sent in there room deposits, for different rooms. Edward was actually able to secure a single room and although his parents had advised him against it he was more than happy to pay the extra for it. He already had Jasper so he figured he didn't need a roommate to help him make friends.

Both sets of parents were all but kicked off campus once the boys got settled. Still buzzing with the excitement of being on their own, the boys decided to go explore Seattle. Since Seattle U was right on Capital Hill they decided to start the adventure there. As they roamed Broadway Ave they passed a few places that had caught each of their eyes. Not even a block away from the school was a Gay Club called Neighbors and Edward made a mental note to check out its' website later. As they continued walking they saw a couple of guys walking hand and hand down the street. Edward could sense Jasper's uneasiness at the view, but Jasper didn't say anything so Edward didn't either.

Further on down Broadway they came across a huge sex shop called Castles. Immediately the boys went in. Edward didn't want to buy anything for himself, but Jasper had intended to buy some porn and condoms. As they were standing at the register paying for Jasper's things the male cashier threw in a sample of _Jo's Anal Lube_ and said "it works wonders" and then winked at Jasper.

Edward started laughing at Jasper's shocked expression and Jasper just glared at him.

"Hey man don't be offended, I think he was trying to hit on you. Take it as a compliment." Edward laughed as they were walking out of the store.

"I'm not gay and don't appreciate that he assumed I was." Jasper snapped and an uncomfortable silence consumed them as they walked back to campus.

A few blocks later Edward spoke "I know it doesn't bother you that I'm gay, but are you going to have issues seeing me with guys?"

Jasper furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"I saw that you got all tense when we saw the gay couple walking earlier and you didn't take that cashier hitting on you real well and well it makes me wonder." Edward didn't look at Jasper as he said that.

"Honestly, I don't know. Guess we'll have to see." They walked the rest of the way back in silence and went to their separate rooms without saying another word to each other.

The next week of freshmen orientation went by smoothly. The boys acted as if the first night never happened and they spent the rest of their free time making friends with people on their floor as well as exploring what Seattle has to offer.

Unfortunately, or fortunately for Edward, school actually started. His classes were more or less how he expected them to be. The only thing he had a real qualm with was that he had an 8:00 A.M. philosophy class. '_Really, are they trying to make kids drop out? Who would schedule philosophy so early in the morning?'_

While sitting in his philosophy class one Thursday morning, trying to stay awake and take notes, he saw in his peripheral vision that there was a piece of notebook paper being pushed in his direction. He read the note on it and smiled slightly to himself glad he wasn't the only one having issues with this particular class.

_Fell asleep. What are we talking about?_

Edward scrawled on the paper and passed it back.

_Schrödinger's Cat Pg 53_

The boy sitting next to Edward smiled at him and nodded. As class began to wrap the boy sitting next to him started talking. "Hey I was wondering, do you wanna get together and study for this class sometime."

"Yeah definitely, my brain can't comprehend this crap so early in the morning. I'm Edward" Edward stuck out his hand.

"James." The blond boy replied and shook Edward's hand. "So when do you wanna meet?"

"How about sometime later today? I've only got class until 2."

"Okay today works for me. I work until 5 so how about at 7?"

"Alright 7 it is? At the Bistro?"

"7. Bistro. It's a plan." James smiled and they walked out of the classroom.

The Bistro was a little coffee shop type of place that took residence a floor above the cafeteria in the Student Center. A lot of students went there to study and drink coffee, being that they could put the coffee on their campus card. Edward had other homework so he decided to get there about an hour earlier than they had planned to. He was working on calculus when he heard James' voice.

"Hey dude, you're here early."

"So are you." Edward pointed out the obvious.

"Yeah, I have other work to do and thought I would start and wait for you."

"That's cool, why don't you just sit here and do your other work as well? It'll make me feel like less of a loner." Edward gestured toward a chair across the table and chuckled.

"Ok. Imma go get something to drink? You want anything."

"Nah, I'm good." Edward replied and James went to order.

About 2 hours had passed and the boys had definitely had their fill of philosophical cats and possible homicidal boxes. They made plans to meet the following Thursday to discuss the weeks lectures and see if they understood it as best as possible.

The following night Edward sat in his room alone and bored. He tried hitting up Jasper and seeing if he wanted to do something, but apparently Jasper had managed to find himself a date and Edward didn't really feel like hanging out with anyone else. Left with nothing else to do Edward turned on his T.V. and decided to watch some old episodes of CSI. It was around 1:00 A.M. and Edward's stomach started rumbling. He had nothing good to eat in his room so he put on some shoes and decided to walk to one of the hotdog vendors waiting outside of the bars just a couple of blocks away from his dorm.

On his way over there he spotted a girl that looked like Alice and decided to give her a call. She didn't pick so he left her a message. "Malice, mi whore, call me back! I miss you and love you!"

"Malice? That's quite a name for someone. Your girlfriend, perhaps?" A unfamiliar voice said from behind him.

"Uh no. Just a good friend." Edward said nervously as he waited in line to get his hotdog.

"Well that's good to know. Pretty boys like you shouldn't waste your time being monogamous." The man said.

Edward just nodded deciding not to say anything more to the man.

"Well c'mon Ginger talk to me a little." The man replied.

Edward stayed silent and kept looking forward. Then he felt a shove to his back.

"Don't be such an asshole. All you need to do is make small talk." The man continued. "You're such a pretty boy and all I want to do is talk to you."

If Edward were to be honest with himself right now he would admit that this situation is scaring him a bit. He didn't really except to be accosted by random drunken man while trying to get food.

Edward just looked at the man and walked away from the line. Food could wait until morning. Edward thought it was time go to bed. As he walked away he could hear the man shouting at him, which only made him walk a little bit faster.

As Edward was walking back towards his dorm he spotted James across the street. He didn't know if it would be awkward to call out his name so he choose to act like he didn't see him at all, but then James looked over and saw Edward. James waved then motioned for Edward to come to him. Edward did.

"Hey there! What are you doing out here?" James slurred slightly.

"Was going to get a hotdog from one of the vendors, but got distracted."

"You're really handsome, ya know that?" James hugged him. "I'm gay did I tell you that?"

Edward laughed and shook his head.

"Does that bother you?" James asked, raising one eyebrow.

"James c'mon let's go" Another person yelled from behind him catching Edward's attention and also giving him the hint to end the conversation.

Edward smiled broadly "Not at all. Hey, I'm tired I'm gonna go to sleep. Have a fun night James."

"You too! Call me tomorrow!" James yelled as he stumbled away

Eventually, Edward made it back to his room. He wasn't tired and still really hungry, but was definitely ready for the day to be over so he made himself go to sleep. When he awoke the next morning the first thing he thought of was James' drunken confession. Edward didn't really look at James in any sort of sexual manner, mostly due to the fact that he thought James was straight. Now that he knew different he allowed himself to think about James' short blond hair and the bit of stubble that lay upon his chin. Aside from the physical he didn't really know too much about James. A few classes and a couple of hours studying together Edward wasn't able to gather much information from James except that he is incredibly hot, pretty laid back and hated philosophy with a passion.

Edward was pulled from his internal musings about James by a rather loud grumble from his stomach. Grabbing his cell he checked the time, it was only 8:00 A.M. There was no way Jasper would be awake. He groaned and stretched at the same forcing himself out of bed. A nap would definitely be in order later. Edward opted to get his breakfast to go, went back to him room, watched some Spongebob and then fell back asleep.

Waking with a jolt, Edward sat up confused. There was a loud and incessant pounding on his door. _Who the hell is that?_ Edward opened the door and stood back as Jasper barged in. Without saying a word Jasper jumped on Edward bed and turned on the TV.

"So how was your date last night?" Edward cringed at his own voice, still thick with sleep.

"Fun. A LOT of fun." Jasper put an emphasis on 'a lot'. Edward understood immediately. "What did you end up doing?"

"Not a lot actually, but it was a fucking weird night." Jasper got visibly upset as Edward rehashed his late night excursion.

"You should have punched the fucker."

"Yeah, no way. Dude was bigger than me and anyways he didn't hurt me or anything. He was just drunk." Edward shrugged it off and tried to change the subject to something that wouldn't make sound like such a wimp.

It worked.

The boys goofed off for the rest of the day; hanging out in the room and then going to hang out at Gameworks after 10:00P.M., because it became 18 and over. Edward stood back and watched as Jasper challenged and beat most people at Dance Dance Revolution. The way Jasper's body moved didn't escape Edward's attention, he thought it was beautiful. The movements were so fluid and graceful that it seemed as if Jasper had the whole game memorized. Edward shook his head as if he were trying to dislodge his current thoughts. It was uncomfortable, at best, for him to think of Jasper in such a manner. Jasper was his best friend and nothing more. It would jeopardize their friendship to even consider going there with Jasper. Even though Jasper had no issues with Edward's sexuality it was perfectly clear that he had issues with being hit on by gay men.

The rest of weekend was spent doing homework and bullshitting with people in the dorm lobby. Monday came and Edward was actually excited for his philosophy class; well not so much for his class, but to see James. About half way through the class Edward managed to gather enough balls to ask James to coffee, via note. Of course he did it under the guise of not paying attention and needing to recap the day's lesson. James agreed to meet him later. Edward had to hide his smile.

Class had ended and Edward decided to kill time by sleeping. The ringing of Edward's phone woke him up from his day time siesta. He debated not answering it, but once he was it was Alice calling he had to.

"Hello."

"Edward!" Alice yelled into the phone. He had to pull the phone away from his ear.

"Wow, I think you might actually cause me to go deaf if you screech into the phone any louder." Edward deadpanned.

"I was not screeching I was showing excitement, asshole. Anyways, sorry I missed your call. I was at Emmett's this weekend, forgot my phone at home."

"Yep, I see how it is, Always picking him over your best friend."

"Shut up. So how's it going? What's new?"

"Oh my God Malice, this is the boy in my philosophy class. He's hot and gay. I asked him to coffee today. I'm so nervous."

"You actually asked him out?" Edward could tell she was trying to hide her surprise.

"Well not on a date, more like to coffee to study philosophy and I figure I'll ask him out them."

"Cute. How'd you find out he was gay? Is he obvious? How does he dress?" She asked the questions so fast they almost blurred into one long string of words.

"Ummm… Let me try to answer all your questions, Sherlock. He told me when he was drunk. No he's not really. And finally he dresses like a normal 20 year old guy would."

"You're telling me he only told you he was gay in a drunken confession?"

"He told me I was hot too."

"Oh muh God Edward you can't ask him out!"

"Why not?"

"What if he doesn't remember telling you he's gay? Have you thought about that? You might freak him out. Get him to tell you soberly."

"I don't think he was that drunk."

"Whatever. Ask him then."

"I will." Edward said defiantly. "I gotta go. Love you, Malice."

"I don't love you. Talk to you later." Edward hung up the phone. He didn't tell Alice, but her words weighed on him, _"What if he doesn't remember telling you he's gay? You might freak him out."_ He didn't want to scare of James he didn't know if James was ready to be open with everybody. For the time being Edward would wait. Coffee didn't seem as exciting to him now.

James was already sitting down with his books spread across the table. He saw Edward and waved. Edward went straight to the table to put down his backpack and then went and ordered his latte. As Edward was sitting down James struck up a casual conversation.

"So how was your weekend?"

"Pretty good, didn't do anything to exciting. Yours?"

"It was fun." James' ears started to redden. "Did we run into each other?"

Edward chuckled. "Yeah, it was quite entertaining. You were pretty drunk."

"Oh you have no idea. I was sick the entire next day."

"That sucks." Edward said sounding almost disappointed. _If he was sick then we probably blacked out._

"Yeah, it did." James looked down at his books before continuing "So… Uhh… Did I tell you anything embarrassing?"

"Depends on what you consider embarrassing. I don't think you said anything embarrassing."

"What did I say?"

"You told me you were gay."

"Oh well that's nothing."

"And you told me I was really handsome."

"Oh."

"Oh? That's all you have to say about it?" James wouldn't make eye contact with Edward. He just simply nodded. "Is that something you consider embarrassing?"

Looking down at his books James nodded his affirmation.

Edward continued "Do you really think I'm handsome?" James sat still avoiding eye contact. "James, look at me." Edward said in a commanding tone. "Do you really think I'm handsome?"

Looking at Edward James nodded his affirmation.

"Would you be less embarrassed if I told you I think you're handsome as well?"

Looking Edward directly in the eyes James nodded his affirmation.

Both boys smiled widely at each other. James spoke then. "So are you?"

"Am I what? Gay? Yes."

There was a pregnant silence between the both. Once again James broke it. "So can I take you out on a date?"

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**Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Please review!**

Songs used for this chapter:  
All the Lights Went Out by Marcy's Playground  
Silhouette by Thrice


	3. Chapter 3

**Twilight belongs to S. Meyer, I'm just making her characters act weird.**

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"Dude what the hell?"

"I need Alice and she won't pick up her phone!" Edward yelled at Jasper as he shut the door.

"Why?" Jasper dodged a flying shirt.

Ignoring the question, Edward continued to fling clothes from his closet. Edward's phone started to ring and he all but shoved Jasper out of his way as he dove for it. "Alice! Oh my God Alice!"

"Edward what's wrong?" she asked in panicked voice.

"I need your help! Nothing is right! I don't know, I just don't fucking know!"

"Calm down, Edward. What is wrong?" Alice asked again.

Letting a loud sob Edward cried into the phone "I don't know what to wear and I'm so nervous I think I'm gonna puke."

Edward growled as both Jasper and Alice failed to hold in their laughter. "Guys this is serious!"

Jasper stole the phone from Edward and described the scene before him. The laughter from the other side of the phone grew louder as Jasper told her about how he had to dodge articles of clothing and how Edward actually did look a little bit sick.

After Alice calmed herself enough she told Jasper to give Edward back the phone.

"Sweetie you need to step back for a minute and breathe."

"I can't step back, we are meeting in an hour and I still have to shower!"

"Step back for only a minute. You take 5 minute showers. You are okay." Alice said in her most soothing voice.

Edward sat on his bed and closed his eyes trying to calm down. Jasper went to Edward's closet and pulled out a light grey shirt that had a bare tree print on it and a pair of plain jeans and laid them out on Edward's Bed next to him.

Noticing how close Jasper was Edward opened his eyes and saw the clothes laying next to him. He mouthed a thank you to Jasper and then told Alice he was okay and that he would call her the next day. Edward tried to hang up before Moan could get any last words in, but unfortunately it wasn't quick enough. He heard her yelling for him to use a condom. He blushed at the thought of seeing James naked.

"You okay?" Jasper asked.

Edward nodded "Yeah I think so. I'm going to take a shower."

"Remember to empty your pistol" Jasper laughed and Edward blushed again.

"Get out. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Edward shook his head and he grabbed his shower basket.

Edward's eyes kept scanning the bulletin board in front of him while he impatiently waited for James. He kept hoping that something would catch his attention to take away from the nervousness he was experiencing, but he never lingered on flyer long enough to actually read it. Mere minutes had passed but it felt like hours to Edward. _Maybe James forgot. He asked me out, so I don't think he forgot. Maybe he just doesn't want to go out anymore. Maybe something happened to him. Shit, did I bring my phone? What if he messaged me and…_ Edward's internal rant was interrupted when he heard James' voice.

"Anything interesting?"

"Nope"

"You ready to go?" James' asked.

"Most definitely" Edward and James left the student center.

As they were walking down the lower mall of campus, talking about their day James slid his hand into Edward's and intertwined their fingers. Edward lifted both their hands looked at the mixed fingers then at James and smiled largely. They continued to walk.

Edward didn't know where they were going, but he didn't really care. The conversation between him and James was going smoothly and he was more than enjoying himself. About half way down Broadway curiosity got the best of Edward and he asked where they were going.

"So where are we headed to?"

"To get some Dicks." James said nonchalantly.

Edward stopped walking and looked at James with shock.

"Why did you stop?"

"Excuse me, where did you say we were going?"

"To get some Dicks." James repeated.

"Dicks?" Edward questioned again.

"Yeah Dicks. You know the burger joint?"

Relief washed over Edward's face and he shook his head.

"You haven't had Dicks?"

Edward shook his head again.

"Okay well let's fix that, they have the best burgers in the North West." James sounded excited.

Edward still didn't move.

"What's wrong?"

"I just… Uhh nothing it's just… Wow. I feel really dumb right now."

"Why?" James gathered Edward into a hug.

"Just Castles is just a few blocks up and when you said Dicks I just assumed you meant like something from Castles." Blood rushed to Edward's face as he told James.

"You're adorable." James kissed the top Edward's head. "Although the thought of going into Castles with you is appealing, I think we should eat first."

"Me too" Edward grabbed James hand and they started walking again.

James and Edward got their hamburgers from Dick's and then went to a nearby park and ate them. Afterwards they walked down to waterfront and looked at the sound. Edward had been there plenty of times since he came to Seattle, but this time the sound seemed more beautiful than usual. James stood behind Edward and held him around the waist. They swayed slightly to a rhythm that only they could hear. Edward turned around in James' arms sighed into his neck.

"I really want to kiss you, may I kiss you? James whispered into Edward's ear.

Edward answered by gently pressing his lips to James. James pressed back and held Edward tighter. Edward gasped and at the opening of his mouth James snuck his tongue out and licked the Edward's bottom lip. Opening his mouth wider in invitation James flicked his tongue against Edward's. There was no denying the sparks that Edward felt as he kissed James. Pulling away slightly James smiled and kissed Edward's forehead.

"We should go before it gets to dark." Edward whispered with a hint of sadness.

"Yeah we should." James lifted their entwined hands a placed a kiss on Edward's knuckles. "Thank you for coming out tonight."

"I had a lot of fun. We'll do this again, right?"

"Of course we will."

The boys walked back to the dorms and parted ways with a gentle but electric kiss. Edward went to his room got into his pajamas and fell asleep thinking about James.

The following day Jasper and Edward had lunch together. He tried to tell Jasper about the date, but Jasper seemed disinterested and would start talking about other things in the middle of Edward's sentences. Edward let it go thinking that Jasper was uncomfortable with it even though he seemed perfectly fine the night before. This wasn't Edward's concern he was happy and wouldn't let Jasper ruin that for him.

The rest of the weekend came and went. Edward tried to study with James, but it was too distracting. All he wanted to do was talk to James, get to know him better and explore everything that made him up. Sunday night before going to bed he was thinking about what he and James would do on their next date. There wasn't a lack of things to do in Seattle, but for the life of him Edward couldn't seem to come up with anything. Then as he was about to fall asleep he wondered if James would like to go explore Bainbridge island. They both loved the Sound, so the ferry ride over would be pleasant and then they could go explore some and grab coffee. Edward thought that it sounded like a perfect idea. That following Monday Edward took his usual seat next to James and tried, fruitlessly, to pay attention to the professor. Instead all Edward could do was think about James and how badly he wanted to go on another date with James. Class ended and Edward asked out

Once again, much like their first date, Edward found himself trying to keep his mind busy by reading flyers in the student center. This time he spotted James first and walked towards him. Noticing that James only had a long sleeve shirt on Edward became concerned. It was cold outside and it would be even colder on the ferry. James needed something warmer to go over his current layer of clothes. However, when he reached James, James pulled him into a kiss and Edward forgot what he was worried about for the moment. The kiss ended; Edward's lips still tingled.

"Handsome, you're gonna need a coat or another layer. It gets really cold on the ferry."

"I was about to ask if we have time to go back to my room. I realized I forgot it on my way over." James smiled.

The boys walked back to James pseudo-studio dorm room. It was the first time that Edward had been there and he was nervous to go inside. James held to door for Edward to enter and smiled widely as Edward stepped past. "Need to take a piss." Edward nodded, happy that he'd have a minute to examine the room.

Posters of Broadway Musicals decorated the walls. He had some of the classics like Cabaret and Phantom of the Opera as well as newer hits like Rent and Ave Q. Sitting on James' desk was a picture of him and a girl, who resembled him undoubtedly. Edward assumed it was James' sister. As he continued to take in the room he noticed a guitar on a stand next to the bed. He had no clue that James played, but he found it extremely appealing that he did.

James came out of the bathroom and grabbed his coat out of the closet.

"Ready to go?" He asked Edward.

Instead of answering James' question Edward asked one of his own. "You play?"

James nodded "C'mon let's go."

"Will you play for me?"

James gave Edward an uncomfortable look and shook his head. "Not right now."

"Please?" Edward asked again.

"Maybe, later." James denied Edward again.

Edward didn't push it any further and tried to hide the disappointment on his face. He didn't know if he successfully hid his disappointment from James, but he didn't really care because James was suddenly kissing him. Unwilling Edward moaned into the kiss. It spurred on James' actions as pushed Edward towards the bed. The back of his knees hit the bed and Edward pulled back for a moment. James looked at Edward with question in his eyes. Knowing what he was asking Edward just nodded and scooted further onto the bed. Like a predator James crawled towards Edward and then settled in between his legs. Placing his hands on either side of Edward's head James lowered himself. Slowly, almost torturously slow, James began to grind against him eliciting another moan from Edward. He didn't want to hurry his actions so James kept his slow rhythm. Edward tried grinding against him at a faster pace, but James lifted himself a higher off of Edward. Placing gentle kisses along Edward neck, James moved one of his hands to the hem of Edward's shirt and began to slide his hand under.

Edward had been enjoying the frottage that was going on and loved the way James was kissing him. He had no problems with this and wanted to continue. What had bothered him was that James wanted to start removing clothes. Even though thoughts of him and James half naked together on James' bed excited him, it made him more nervous. He hadn't really done much with guys and didn't want to fess up to that just yet. He felt embarrassed. Hurriedly Edward was trying to come up with an excuse for them to stop, he remembered their date to Bainbridge and as James was lifting up Edward's shirt he opened his mouth.

"Ferry."

"You're one too, what of it?" James misunderstood what he was saying.

"No," Edward panted "we're going to miss our ferry if we don't stop."

James continued kissing him "I don't care. I like this more."

"James, please. I really wanna take you on this date." He pulled away to look at James in the eyes. "It's almost to the point where it's gonna be too cold to do this." Edward pouted.

"Fine. Ok. Whatever you want. Like I would ever be able to say no to that pout." James sighed and moved off of Edward.

The boys straightened themselves and then caught the bus down to the waterfront. After boarding Edward grabbed James hand and led him to the deck of the boat.

"It's cold up here. Let's go back inside." James whispered into Edward's ear as he hugged him.

"We will I wanna show you something first. Walk with me to the front of the ferry."

James followed Edward. Both boys walked with their heads tucked to their chest because of the fast blowing wind. When they were close to the bow, Edward turned towards and told him to spread his arms out Edward did it first as example. Then Edward leaned forward slightly, James followed suit. Looking over at James Edward smiled because he knew James was getting the effect of floating. With the winds blowing so hard the boys were able to achieve the illusion of flying by simply spreading their arms and leaning forward. He couldn't hold it in anymore Edward straightened up and kissed James. The boys went back inside and talked for the rest of the ride to Bainbridge.

The boat slowed, both boys got up and walked towards the exit. As they were exiting Edward took James' hand. Walking around Bainbridge was quickly becoming one of Edward's favorite things to do. They would stop and stare at the sound. James kept stealing kisses, but Edward never complained. As their day was winding down and they were waiting for the next ferry to arrive they decided to get coffee. Deciding to be adventurous Edward tried a B-52 mocha. Although Edward didn't hate the taste he couldn't exactly say he liked it either. James watched him as he sipped on the Mocha, trying to keep a straight face at the odd taste. Even though he wasn't sure if it's what he wanted he spoke before he could stop himself.

"I think we should be exclusive."

"I would really like that." Edward replied without hesitation.

Edward couldn't stop smiling the entire ride back to Seattle, not even his odd flavored drink could wipe the smile off of his face. He was happy and more importantly Edward had his first actual boyfriend. Even though it was late when he got back to his room he called Alice. She didn't pick up, but he didn't expect her to. He left her a message telling her about his day. He had to share it with someone and he was quite sure that Jasper wouldn't want to hear about it.

**µ µ µ**

James and Edward had been dating for a couple of weeks and enjoyed a few nights out as well as in. Edward was completely infatuated with James and couldn't be happier about it. He had talked to Alice a lot about James and had been trying to convince her to visit Seattle so that she could meet him, but with midterms and Thanksgiving break coming soon the timing didn't make sense. It disappointed Edward, but he knew she was right as she almost always is. Jasper, however, was a different story. Since Edward started dating James Jasper had seemed to be busy all the time. Every time that Edward called or stopped by his room, Jasper seemed to be studying or working. Edward didn't really think anything about it, because Jasper was in core honors and his classes were considerably harder than the humanity courses that he was taking after all. He couldn't really blame not seeing Jasper all on Jasper, because Edward was wrapped up in James and enjoying their honey moon period to its' full extent, well almost.

The boys were partaking in their Thursday night philosophy study ritual when James blurted out an invitation for dinner. He wanted to cook for Edward, make him a nice dinner and hopefully seduce him throughout it. James was observant and it hadn't escaped his attention that Edward seemed to get extremely nervous and would stop their make-out sessions every time James tried to shove his hands down Edward's pants. He had no clue to why Edward acted that way; Edward instigated the actions more than half the time if not more. For now it was okay though, he didn't see any point in rushing things along although he would like to be getting off by something other than his own hand.

Dinner on Friday night was wonderful as Edward had expected it to be. Almost everything James did was wonderful in Edward's eyes. He loved the way James talked, dressed, kissed and well he just loved a lot of things about James. Right now he was loving the way James was rubbing up against him; he could feel James against his thigh and it was hot. Edward wanted to feel all of James without a barrier. He wanted to stroke him and be stroked. He wanted to kiss and lick his way down James' body. He wanted James naked next to him – on top of him. His fear kept those things from happening. Edward was inexperience and ashamed of it. Logically he knew that if he told James he would help him along the way, but for some reason he wanted to be perfect for James. He didn't want to be clumsy and unsexy, so instead of risking embarrassment he just stopped things before he could embarrass himself. Like all other times Edward was about to stop saying he was tired, but before he could James spoke.

"Don't please."

"Don't what?" Edward looked at James.

"Don't stop this. This feels so good." James leaned down and kissed Edward thrusting against as he did.

Edward let out a soft breathy moan. "Baby, I'm tired. I should be getting back to my room."

"Nuh uh," James rolled off of Edward and pulled Edward to him "stay the night with me."

"I won't sleep if I stay here."

"You have nothing to do tomorrow so I don't see the problem with that." James argued as he kissed along Edward's neck.

"James please stop." Edward basically begged.

With a sigh James relented. He refused to let go of Edward though and they lay together, quietly calming down.

"I don't understand. I'm trying to be patient with you, I really am. I just don't know how much more patience I can have, when I don't understand why. It's not like I'm saying we have to have sex, I just want to touch you, to make you feel good."

Shifting his torso away from James, Edward looked at him more directly. He didn't reply immediately, instead it turned all the way around in his arms and pressed his lips to James. The kiss they shared was sensual and filled with emotion.

"I'm scared."

"You keep stopping because you're scared?" James chuckled.

Edward reddened and looked away. James didn't like Edward's reaction. For some odd reason he thought it was cute that Edward was scared. He very much wanted to show him that he should feel safe.

"Edward, look at me. Why are scared?"

It took a minute for Edward to answer and when he did it was in no more than a whisper.

"I haven't gone farther than this, with anyone and well its… It's just that I want to make you feel good and not look like an idiot while doing it."

James couldn't keep the smile of his face. Edward wanted to be good for him sexually. Pushing Edward onto his back James leaned over him and kissed him.

"You make me feel good already, you know." James spoke against Edward's lips.

"I don't know what I'm doing though."

"I can help you." Noticing Edward flush even more James tried to save him "I don't want to push you and if you're not ready, I'll wait."

"I am ready; I just don't know what to do."

"That's the great thing about new relationships; we both have to learn each other, sexually even." James said trying to make Edward more comfortable and relaxed.

"Like I've learned that if I kiss you here," James placed a kiss on Edward's Adam's apple "you start to breath heavier. And if I push against you just right" He then aligned their bodies and slowly moved against Edward "you begin to pant."

After that there wasn't any more talking in the room. Quiet moans and growls punctuated the silence. James managed to get both of them down to their boxers. With the removal of each article of clothing Edward would tense, but James would kiss and rub against him until he relaxed again. Finally only the 2 thin layers of cotton separated the boys. Lifting himself of off Edward slowly James traced from Edward's collar bone down the center of his chest to the hem of his boxers. He paused and looked at Edward, slightly bending his head down and taking one of Edward's nipples into his mouth.

"Please." Edward lifted his hips towards James.

Not wanting to make Edward uncomfortable he didn't tease him any longer. He snaked his hand into his boxers and slowly but firmly caressed Edward. It didn't take long for Edward to start moving his hips in rhythm with James' hand. It also didn't take long for Edward to cum.

Coming down from his orgasmic high Edward noticed that James was still hard. He didn't want to be the only one that was going to bed more than satisfied. Taking control he pushed against James and then rolled so that James was lying down. Although Edward was nervous he figured jacking James off would be the pretty much the same has jacking himself off, it was really the only thought that comforted him. Once in a while James muttered 'faster' or 'harder' but other than that he was withering beneath Edward's hand. Edward watched James' face as he came. For some reason he expected it to be beautiful and amazing to look at, but instead he thought that it wasn't the most erotic site that he had ever seen. While James was catching his breath Edward picked up his shirt and cleaned both his hand and James with it.

"You didn't have to use your shirt. You could have grabbed a towel or something else." James said once he noticed what Edward was doing.

"My shirt was within reach and I'll just wear one of your shirts back to my room tomorrow," He looked shyly at James "if that's alright with you."

James nodded and then got out of bed, grabbed two pairs of boxers and handed one to Edward. Edward went to the bathroom and changed. As he was changing he looked in the mirror and felt oddly proud that he had made James cum. When he left the bathroom he saw James lift up the blankets in invitation, which he gladly accepted. Sleep overcame both the boys.

Sunlight brightened the room and woke Edward up. He kept his eyes closed and didn't move. He was enjoying the weight of James' arm around him and the steady breathing against his neck. To be honest though, Edward was also enjoying the feel of James against him. James was hard and though Edward knew it was nature he acted as if his presence, in bed, made James like that. Tentatively Edward pushed back against James. James breathing hitched and Edward was no longer sure of James was asleep or not. He did it again and this time he knew James was awake. He felt James push back against Edward as his hand went to Edward's cock and grabbed it.

"Good morning." He whispered into Edward's ear.

"Mmm. Yes it is." Edward pushed again and James groaned.

As Edward moved against James, James stroked Edward. They tried to keep a slow pace, but as the tension in their stomachs grew they had to move faster. From the erratic movements that James started producing Edward could tell he was close, so he turned his head and kissed him. James threw his head back as he reached his orgasm. Edward's own climax came shortly after. Both boys feel back asleep, slightly sweaty and sticky from their morning greeting.

The rest of Saturday passed along leisurely and Sunday was going by too fast for Edward's likings. There was only two days of class this week due to Thanksgiving break and James was leaving Monday morning so he could fly to Puerto Vallarta with his family. Although the boys had only been dating a few weeks he didn't want to be away from James. However, Monday arrived and Edward felt incomplete as he watched James drive away.

Not wanting to be alone he headed over to Jasper's room to see if he was there. He didn't know if he had class or not, but he figured he'd try. Edward knocked on the door and almost immediately Jasper answered.

"Hey."

"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while, busy?" Edward asked.

"No, come in."

"So what have you been up to? I haven't really talked to you in a while."

"Yeah, I've been busy." Jasper didn't really have any emotion in his voice.

"So that's why you've been ignoring my phone calls? I have been trying to get a hold of you so we could hang out, but you never return my calls or anything."

"Basically, I'm not doing it to be an ass, I just gotta make the grades you know?"

"Yeah I guess." Edward nodded.

"So yeah I basically don't have a life. What have you been doing?" Jasper walked to the sink and started washing the dishes that were piled next to it.

"Just studying and stuff. James and I are still together. It's pretty awesome. He's a cool guy, you should come hang out with us sometime.

"Yeah maybe." James said a little too fast. "So the other weekend I was out with some people and I think I realized something."

Edward waited for Jasper to continue, but he didn't. "Which was?"

"I think that I…" Jasper was interrupted by the ring of Edward's phone.

"It's James, you mind?"

"Go ahead dude" Jasper said nonchalantly.

James was just calling Edward to say that he was leaving to the airport and that he would miss him and although Edward's attention was focused on the conversation he couldn't help to watch Jasper's body as he talked to James. For the most part Jasper acted normal until Edward declared that he would miss James and couldn't wait until he got back. Jasper had stiffened and then continued to wash his dishes. After Edward hung up he went back to his conversation with Jasper.

"So what did you realize?" Edward asked again

Jasper coughed "Oh I… just that I have no compettion in Madden and that we should play."

"That's it? I thought you were gonna say something serious. Let's play, I'll kick your ass." Edward laughed

"Bullshit." Jasper smiled.

After an hour, or so, hunger distracted the boys from their game. They went to eat and then went to do their own thing after confirming that Jasper would be driving them both home for break. Early Wednesday Edward and Jasper lugged their suitcases towards Jasper's car.

"I'm kinda of excited to go home man. I want to see Alice and I think I'm gonna tell my dad."

"You haven't told your dad yet?"

"No, I mean it's a small town I figure that he already knows, but I feel like I should tell him myself."

Jasper didn't reply verbally, but nodded in agreement. The car ride back to Orofino was filled with comfortable conversation and silence. The boys arrived home in a decent 6 hours; both tired from the drive went to their homes and napped. Edward didn't know when Alice was going to be home so he called her.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hey when do you get back?"

"Oh, I didn't tell you? I'm staying in Los Angeles with Emmett for break. We'll both be back for Christmas though. I Promise."

"You suck hardcore, literally." Edward tried to joke, but he was actually quite unhappy. He had been looking forward to seeing Alice, he really did miss her.

"Hey we're about to go out. I'll call you tomorrow." She was distracted.

"Ok sounds good. Be safe." He tried to tell her, but she had hung up before he could finish.

Thanksgiving for Edward always seemed to be a mess. It was the one of the two times that both his parents actually endured each other. Although he told both parents he was okay doing two of each holiday, they both insisted that they celebrate it as a holiday. Edward figured he better tell his dad about his sexuality before Thanksgiving lunch. He didn't want his mom to accidently out Edward, again. He borrowed his mother's car and drove down to his dad's house. He let himself in and found his dad reading a book in the living.

"Hey kid, you're home." He hugged his son.

"Yep, thought I'd come by and say hi. Watcha reading?" Edward didn't particularly care what his dad was reading. He was just buying himself some more prep time before he told his dad.

"Nothing good." His dad was clearly deflecting the question. "Tell me about school. You don't call."

"School is going great. I like it a lot. I've started dating someone." Edward's dad's ears perked at this.

"Well, tell me about 'er"

"Ummm actually… It's him. I'll tell you about him." Edward sucked in a large breathe "I'm gay dad."

When his dad didn't say anything Edward looked up and say that his father's face was red. And just before it looked like he was about to explode he spoke, well more like yelled, but either way he said something.

"You telling me you're a cocksucker boy?" His dad was pissed.

Edward nodded.

"No son of mine is a fucking fairy, get the hell out my house!"

Edward didn't say anything as we left. He didn't think his father would be too happy about his sexuality, but he didn't quite think he would react like that. Edward figured that his mother would talk some sense into him over lunch the next day, so he just let it go. However, the next day his dad didn't show up. He had called said he didn't feel like coming over and hung up. Edward felt hurt and dejected. His mother didn't know what to do, so she just hugged him. She offered no reassuring words or promises that things would be alright, because truth be told she didn't know if Edward's dad would come around to the fact that his only son is gay.

The rest of break was too long for Edward's liking. His father refused to speak to him, Alice wasn't there, Jasper was busy, and he just really missed James. Saturday around noon Jasper picked Edward up and they drove back to Seattle. The ride was mostly silent. Edward was unhappy and every time Jasper tried to talk to him Edward gave the shortest answers he could. Jasper wasn't stupid and got the hint. Thanking Jasper for the ride Edward grabbed his luggage and went back to his room.

Edward's phone woke him up. He didn't look at the caller ID before he answered.

"Hello." His voice still rough.

"Oh I thought you'd be awake. I'll let you sleep." James sounded remorseful.

"No you won't. I miss you. Can I come over?" Edward sat up.

"Of course you can."

"I'll be there in a few minutes." Hurriedly Edward brushed his teeth and threw on some clothes before heading over to James.

Once he got inside James he didn't even say hi. He pushed James against a wall and kissed him with fervor. James didn't know what had gotten into him, but he wasn't about to complain. Clothes came off and before James realized what was going on Edward was on his knees in front of James tugging his boxers down.

"Are you sure?" James asked.

Nodding Edward pushed James' boxers down even further and kissed the tip of him. James couldn't help but to moan. He knew Edward had never done this before and was surprised he was so ready to do this. The feeling of Edward's mouth wrapped around him distracted James' train of thought and he just enjoyed the sensations. One of his hands found its' way to Edward head and he gently guided Edward; trying to get him to go deeper, he would have asked Edward to suck harder, but he wanted Edward to do this on his own. It wasn't enough to get James off, but it felt good. Too soon though Edward pulled off of him, James thought he was done and was about to return some of the favor when Edward stood up and whispered in his ear.

"I want you to fuck me."

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**Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think.  
**

**B-52 is an actual flavor. I've tried it and I wouldn't suggest it in Mocha form. It actually tastes like cream soda so if you like that flavor it's very delectable in the form of an Italian soda.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Twilight belongs to S. Meyer. I just mess with her characters.

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James moaned at Edward's request. He wanted to give Edward what he wanted because he couldn't deny that he wanted it as well, but he knew something was wrong. Subtly James slowed their pace, making it more intimate than frantic. Edward didn't know why James was slowing down, but he didn't really care. James hadn't said no to fucking him so he assumed that was what was going to happen '_Maybe this is his way of making it special for me'_ soon though all the movements and kisses stopped.

"Edward, baby, it would feel so good to fuck you right now, but I can't." James looked directly into Edward's eyes so that he could he was serious.

Reaching for James' package Edward asked "why not? You seem perfectly ready for me right now." grabbing James for accentuation.

"I can't because I have a feeling something is wrong."

"I don't feel that. Everything seems fine to me. "

"Edward this isn't you. I know something is wrong, I can't just feel it. It's radiating off of you, you're acting weird. It would be wrong and disrespectful for me to do anything like that with you right now." As James was saying this he tried to pull Edward close to him, but Edward shrugged out of his grasp.

"Bullshit." Edward then began to pull on his clothes.

"It's not bullshit Edward. Do you want to talk? Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm going home. I'll call you later." Edward's tone and went from lustful to angry to defeated in less than 5 minutes. There was now no doubt in James' mind that Edward was not alright.

"Hey. Stop it. What's wrong with you? Fucking talk to me!" James said a little more forceful than he meant and immediately regretted it.

The tone sent a small shock into Edward and he just looked up at James expecting for him to be mad, but instead finding worry and concern written across his face. Not being able to handle that sight Edward couldn't fight back the tears that were beginning to cloud his vision. He didn't know what to do or say so he leaned his back to the wall behind him and slid down bringing his knees as close to his body as he could and started crying.

James wanted to comfort Edward, but he didn't know what was wrong and therefore had no idea how to even being to help. He had felt helpless before in his life, but right now he felt so helpless that none of those situations even came close in comparison. Kneeling down next to Edward he tried to put his arm around him in a hugging manor.

He failed.

Edward swatted away his arm, clearly showing that he didn't want to be touched. A few long minutes passed and Edward still hadn't stopped crying. Again James tried to comfort him with touch, this time by placing his hand on Edward's knee.

He failed a second time.

Edward moved his knees in the opposite direction of James. Taking the hint James didn't try to touch Edward anymore, but he refused to leave Edward's side while he cried. Every once in awhile Edward would say something, but in between the gasps for breath, sniffling, and his head being buried in the crooks of his arms, James couldn't understand one thing Edward was saying.

Eventually Edward calmed down and as soon as he did he tried to leave again.

"James I just wanna go to sleep. Let me go home." He begged.

"Not like this. Just sleep here. Please?" James was too worried about Edward to let him be alone. Although he knew there wasn't anything he could do to help Edward he didn't think Edward should be by himself.

Edward didn't move or say anything right away and when he did it gave James his answer. Stripping down to his boxers he laid down in James' bed and curled into a fetal position. After seeing that Edward had made himself comfortable James followed suit by stripping down to his boxers as well.

"Can I share the bed with you or do you want me to sleep on the floor." James asked. Right now he would do everything in his power to make sure Edward was comfortable where he was.

In a quiet voice Edward replied, "Please hug me."

James slid into bed behind Edward and wrapped his arm protectively around Edward's torso. Edward scooted back into James and tried to relax.

He couldn't.

James noticed Edward's shaking body immediately. Edward was crying again, he tried his best to be silent, but he couldn't control the trembles that took over his body each time a silent sob ran through him. It broke James' heart to see Edward like that, but he had still had no idea what to do. At least Edward was letting James touch him this time, but to James it still seemed like he wasn't doing enough.

Speaking as softly as he could James began talking to Edward. "Hey, I know you don't feel like talking, but if you do I'm here to listen.

As soon as the offer was put on the table Edward decided he didn't want to keep his problems to himself.

"I told my dad about us… which means I also told him I'm gay." Edward fought the break in his voice.

"What did he say?" From the way Edward had been acting all day James knew that Edward's dad's reaction wasn't a good one.

"He didn't say a lot and what he did was mean. He kicked me out of his house."

"He kicked you out?" James asked incredulously. "Did you have anywhere to go? You should have called me. I would have driven to Forks and picked you up."

"I stayed with my mom. I always stay with her. I was just visiting him at his house. So don't worry."

"I'm so sorry, babe." James tightened his arms around Edward as if it would help take some of the pain away

"It's not your fault." Edward sniffled. "I knew he wouldn't be happy about it, but I didn't think we would be that mad. He didn't join us for Thanksgiving dinner or even talk to my mom about me. I think he disowned him because he still hasn't talked to me." Edward started crying again. He just wanted his dad to support him. He didn't need to agree with his lifestyle, but just accept.

Not knowing what to say to that, he chose to remain silent. He hugged Edward for a little while longer and then got out of bed. Edward missed James touch the second he left, but he didn't say anything. He just watched as James pulled a cup from the cupboard, filled it with cold water, go into the bathroom and come out with tissue. He gave the items to Edward, but still didn't get back into bed. James just sat on the side of the bed and asked Edward to lay on his stomach. He knew that Edward needed to relax so he started to give him a back massage. Beneath his touch the tension in Edward muscles began to disappear. For Edward this was the most intimate moment he had shared with James and he didn't know how to feel about it.

"Edward I know in the big picture what I'm about to say doesn't mean much, but I just want you to know that I care about you. A lot. You mean so much to me and I love having you around."

"You do?" Edward could sense that the feelings he had for James were mutual, but he still wanted the confirmation.

"So much, I missed you so much this past week it was ridiculous. I couldn't stop thinking about you and I wanted to call you every time something exciting happened. I missed you smile, your scent, how you talk, the way you think… God, I just missed everything about you."

Despite how shitty Edward was feeling at the current moment a smile graced his face.

"I care about you too."

"Shh… I know you do, handsome, but you need to sleep now. I just wanted to let you know."

Edward rolled onto his back, sat up, kissed James' cheek and then pulled him down onto the bed next to him. James curved his body around Edward's and placed gentle kisses against his neck. James couldn't fall asleep until he knew Edward was a sleep so he just remained quiet, listening for the Edward's breathing to even out. As soon as he heard it, he used it to lull him to sleep.

When Edward first woke up he didn't open his eyes. He was relishing in the feeling of James' body next to his. While he wasn't exactly happy, he couldn't say he was said either. Right now, he felt comfortable; the feeling of James' heat was exactly what Edward thought he needed until the events of previous night began to present themselves to him. Each thought made him clench his eyes even tighter than the last. He had made a fool of himself in front of James; asking him to fuck him and then sobbing like a baby on the floor when he said no. He felt stupid and wanted to slide out of bed so that he could go home before he had to face James, but every time that he tried to scoot away James would try to pull him back or scoot closer to him.

James' sleep had been short and restless. He was too worried about Edward to actually fall into a comfortable sleep, so he was awake before Edward began to even stir. He felt Edward moving around, trying to get out from under his arm and off of the bed. James didn't want to let him go so he kept a careful grip on Edward trying to keep him from leaving the bed. At the tell-tale tingle of his bladder James realized that Edward might be trying to get up so that he could relieve himself. Not wanting to cause Edward discomfort he rolled away from him and continued to pretend to be deep in slumber. He listened to Edward plod around the room and silently prayed that Edward would be alright.

Relief washed over Edward when James rolled over. Trying to be stealthy he got out of bed. He quietly went around the room gathering his things and then headed to the bathroom to get dressed. As soon as he was clothed he walked out of the bathroom. He checked to make sure James was still asleep and when he was that he was he walked out the door. Edward wasn't sure if it was the best thing to do, but he did know that he was tired of feeling stupid and he figured being alone was the best way to do that. Walking back to his room Edward didn't allow himself to think about the previous night or Thanksgiving break. He just wanted to not feel hurt or stupid. As soon as he got back to his room he laid on his bed and fell back asleep. Edward couldn't think of the last time he had been so tired.

The sound of his room door shutting caused James to sit up. He looked around the room and didn't see any of Edward's things strewn about. Calling Edward's name gave him no answer and he knew that Edward had left. Fighting the urge to go after Edward James just stayed in bed. Obviously Edward had wanted to be alone and James wasn't going to be too pushy about it.

Later in the day James called Edward to check up on him, but Edward didn't answer. Almost immediately after he had hung up James' phone buzzed with a new message from Edward. It was short and simple, '_don't feel like talking. C u in class 2mrw'. _James was hurt that Edward didn't even want to talk to him on the phone, but he let it go. He was positive that Edward was hurting worse from what his dad did to him and is just trying to handle it without dragging other people into it. Either way it still hurt James.

Monday's philosophy class came and Edward was still acting different. He didn't write any cute, flirty, notes to James and he ignored all the ones that James had written to him. James watched Edward surreptitiously throughout the class and all he could notice is that Edward never looked at James or anywhere besides the chalk board. He got up to go to the bathroom and on his way back James got a direct look at Edward's face and all his eyes showed were emptiness. James' heart fell at the sight. When class ended James asked Edward to come over for dinner, he figured Edward could use some home cooked food, but Edward said no and walked away without saying anything else. On both Tuesday and Wednesday James tried to get Edward to do something with him, but Edward's answer never changed, neither did his demeanor.

On Wednesday night Edward had been sitting alone in his room moping when Alice called. She was the first person he had picked up the phone for all week and really the only person he was willing to talk to.

"Edward, how are you?" She asked in a soft sorrowful voice, as if she knew he was anything but okay.

"I'm fine." He lied. "You?"

"Doing alright, I was calling to see how your break was."

"Honestly it was horrible, but I don't really wanna talk about it." Edward said with a sigh.

"I'm sorry and okay change the subject, your pick." She still didn't sound happy although she was trying to.

"How are you? How's Emmett?"

"I'm doing alright. Emmett is okay… I think. We are having a bit of a fight right now."

"What about? Are you sure you're alright?" Edward asked with genuine concern.

"He thinks were moving too fast and that we need to slow down. Not break up or anything, just slow down." Alice said the last sentence a slightly bitter yet mocking tone.

"That doesn't make any sense."

"I know! That's what I told him. I said we can't slow down because we haven't been moving. We act the same way as we did in high school. I think it's his new group of friends. They're idiots. I can't stand them."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. We'll get over it. I'm just irritated. So how's James?"

"Umm…" He paused for a second to sigh "I don't know. I haven't really talked to him since Sunday."

"Oh no. Why not? Are you still together?" Alice nodded to herself. She was right to suspect that something was wrong with Edward.

"We're still together, but I made an ass out of myself in front of him and I just don't want to see him. I know he's gonna leave me."

"How do you know he's going to leave you?"

"I acted like an emotional little girl, no offense, but if he wanted one of those he would be straight."

"Edward, he's probably worried about you. You should at least make sure you're not hurting his feelings by acting distant." Alice tried to advise him. Really all she wanted to do was ask why he was being emotional and what happened over break, but she knew Edward well enough that she could tell by his tone that asking him that would result in a dial tone.

"Yeah…" Edward said noncommittally. He didn't want to talk about James right now either so he changed the topic again. He and Alice talked light heartedly after that for about an hour and although he was paying attention to what she was saying, it was only half hearted. It was a struggle to keep half of his attention on Alice after she pointed out that he might be hurting James' feelings. Too caught up in his own pity party he didn't even think what effect his bruised ego might have on James. That night Edward went to sleep hoping that James wasn't mad at him.

The next morning Edward arrived to class early and took his normal seat. Tearing out a piece of paper from his notebook he folded it in half and wrote an oversized and somewhat sloppy _'I'm Sorry'_ on the front of it. On the inside he wrote a little note that said _'I've been rude to you all this week. 'I'm sorry. Please forgive me? Can we hang out tonight?_'

The other students started to filter in and Edward tried to keep his nerves under control. He was so worried that he had pissed off James. Finally, James walked in Edward couldn't bring himself to look James in the eyes. Taking his seat next to Edward James saw the note; he opened it, read it and then smiled. He looked over at Edward and was going to reply, but didn't. Instead he opened the note and started writing. Although he finished before the professor even entered the class room James waited until half the class had passed it to Edward. Of course, the anticipation of James' replied interfered with Edward's already lacking attention span making it impossible for Edward to take in anything covered in that class. When Edward was passed the note his anxiety calmed; _'I'm not mad at you and you did nothing wrong so I'm not gonna forgive anything. Let's relax in my room tonight.'_ A smiled found its' way to Edward's face. It was the first time Edward didn't have to force a smile since the day before Thanksgiving.

After both boys were done with their daily routines they met up at a little Vietnamese restaurant and enjoyed a fairly quiet dinner. They wanted to talk, but they both knew it wasn't a conversation that was meant to be shared with strangers. After dinner they walked back to James' room; they held hands the entire time. As soon as James shut his door Edward stretched his neck out and kissed James on the cheek softly.

"I'm sorry I've been weird this week."

"Don't be. You had the right to be. I am glad you're talking to me again though." James said as he wrapped his arms around Edward.

Edward nodded and pressed his head into James shoulder. They stood like that for a little while; it was more than comforting for the both of them, reassurance that the other did care. James kissed Edward's hair and whispered for him to go sit down on the bed and close his eyes. Edward did as he asked.

Sitting in the middle off the bed Edward listened and tried to imagine what James was doing by the sounds he was making. He heard a zip, he heard James sigh, and then he heard an accidental strum of guitar strings. He had the urge to open his eyes and as if James could read his mind he spoke.

"Don't open your eyes yet. Just listen. Please." James' tone wasn't demanding, but rather nervous.

Once again Edward did as he asked. Edward could hear the individual hum of each string as James checked to see if they were tuned. Then Edward heard the individual hums of the strings start to blend together. Immediately he recognized the song as Hands Down by Dashboard Confessionals. James' voice joined the guitar and though it was soft, almost shy, it was beautiful and fit James perfectly.

_My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.  
So won't you kill me? So I'd die happy.  
My heart is yours to fill or burst.  
To break or bury or wear as jewelry,  
which ever you prefer._

James' voice softened and then went silent as the song came to end. Edward didn't open his eyes. He realized that he cared for James a lot and finally believed that James' feelings were mutual. After putting away his guitar he joined Edward on the bed. They readjusted so that they could lay down and then they started kissing and neither wanted to take it further, it was about reassurance and comfort, they weren't going to make it about anything else. Right now this is what both of them needed.

"This is perfect I don't want to do anything else but this." Edward spoke against James' lips.

"Then don't"

"Thank you for understanding." Edward moved to rest his head on James' chest. "Thank you for singing to me too. It was beautiful."

"You're welcome."

"I don't wanna go back to Forks."

"What?"

"I don't wanna go back to Forks. I've decided that I hate it there and I don't wanna go back, even to visit." Edward confessed into James' chest as he drew designs onto James' stomach with his fingers.

"Then don't. Stay with me, my parents won't care. They know I'm gay and dating someone. Honestly they want to meet you." As soon as the words came out his mouth James wanted to take them back. He didn't mean to phrase it like that. He was about to apologize, but Edward spoke first.

"Really? They want to meet me?"

"Yeah, they do."

"Ok. Yes. I'd like to stay with you over break. I have to talk to my mom about it and you should double check with your parents, but that would be awesome. I would appreciate it, a lot."

"Sounds good. Let's do it tomorrow though. I'm sleepy and really I've missed hugging you to sleep this week. So really that's all I wanna do tonight, if that's ok with you?" James added the last sentence on sounding sheepish.

"That sounds great to me."

Sleep called to both of the boys and they both gave in without a fight. Edward woke up first feeling restless. He didn't want to wake up James so he quietly slipped out of bed, grabbed his phone and walked out into the hallway to call his mom. After a bit of a hushed argument Edward got his mother to agree to only having him come home for a week. She wanted him there the entire break, but once he gave his reasons for not wanting to be there she understood and made a compromise with him. They made plans for how he would get home and then got off the phone. When Edward walked back inside James was sitting on his bed looking a bit sad.

"What's wrong?"

"I thought you left again." James got out of bed and walked to Edward. "Don't leave without saying goodbye to me. Please?"

"I won't. Promise." Edward assured James.

Finals started in four days. Edward had holed himself inside his room to study. Being with James was too distracting. Whenever Edward needed a break he would call James and the boys would go eat, get coffee, or take naps together but they really didn't do much outside of that.

It was a Monday night and James had his first final the next. Although Edward was stressed about finals, James seemed to be more stressed. Edward wanted to take a lunch break, but James was at a study group that he planned to stay at until dinner. This gave Edward an idea. He had been wanting to do something sweet for James since he had been so understanding of his actions last week, so Edward decided he would cook James dinner. Pretending that he had left a book in James' room Edward stopped by James study session and picked up James' keys. Then Edward walked to a grocery store picked up a few ingredients and went to James' room.

A few hours after Edward had shown up at James' study session James received a text from Edward. '_I'm studying in ur room. Come here 4 dinner.'_ The text convinced James that he was done with studying for the night; dinner sounded good to James and so did seeing Edward. He sent Edward a reply and started packing his things. It didn't take more than 10 minutes for James to get to his room. As James entered the room he smelled chicken and alfredo sauce. He walked over to Edward and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"What's the occasion?"

"No occasion. I just wanted to surprise you. It's almost done." Edward said as he stirred the sauce and noodles around.

"I didn't know you could cook."

"Yeah, I don't. It doesn't take a culinary wonder to open a can of alfredo sauce. I do know how to cook chicken though."

"Can't wait to taste it."

Edward smiled at James and the room fell into a comfortable silence. Edward served them both generous portions of pasta and they sat at the small dining table and ate. They didn't talk about anything pertaining to school or finals, but rather made plans for what they would do over Christmas break. James discovered that Edward had never been skiing, even though he was no stranger to snow. To remedy that they decided that they would go a skiing trip to Summit at Snoqualmie, a ski resort just outside of Seattle.

After dinner the boys settled down to watch a movie. They didn't make it past the opening credits. James needed Edward; he needed to feel him in his hand and in his mouth. He wanted to lick him, taste, and to bring him pleasure. There was so much James was feeling for Edward. Though he couldn't quite bring himself to say it, he knew that he could express it in other ways. James wanted to take his time working Edward up. He started by placing gentle kisses against Edward's lips then moved down to neck. Slipping a hand under Edward's shirt he caressed Edward's smooth chest; running his thumbs over Edward's nipples. Edward hummed at the sensation and tugged at James shirt as a hint to take it off.

James did.

The slow sensual movements were replaced with lustful urgency. They stripped clothes off each other. Hands roamed, tongues tasted and lips left searing kisses. James made his way down Edward's body. Edward's breath hitched in anticipation as he felt James exhale above him.

Flashes of Sunday came back to Edward and he tensed. It didn't escape James' notice that Edward didn't seem so relaxed.

"Edward you okay? Want me to stop?"

"No, please no." Edward said in a breathy voice. He wasn't about to let his foolish actions ruin the very pleasant experience taking place.

James stroked Edward slowly as if he were trying to memorize every aspect of Edward's cock with his hand. He blew a steady breath along Edward that made him shudder and then took the tip of him into his mouth. Letting out a quiet moan Edward placed a hand on James' shoulder. James pulled off and slipped his tongue in slit of Edward's cock then quickly pulled more of Edward into him mouth. This time the moan that pushed passed Edward's lips wasn't quiet at all. Edward didn't want to be the only one getting pleasure so he pushed against James shoulder.

"Flip around baby. I wanna taste you too."

Doing as Edward asked James he moved so that his was laying on his side in the opposite direction of Edward. Without wasting any time James pulled Edward back into his mouth. Not expecting James' sudden action Edward gasped, started stroking James and then started sucking James. Although a movie was playing in the background they both only seemed to hear the sounds of sucking and breathy exhales. Edward came first and shortly after James followed suit. The boys laid there recovering their breath and gently stroking and kissing each others' softening dicks.

Neither boy wanted to leave the bed. They curled up against each other naked, feeling each other without barriers. James turned off the television and they laid in silence. Not knowing how long had passed James listened to Edward's breathing to see if he was sleeping. Although, James didn't know if what he was feeling was solid yet, he wanted to try saying it. He gathered up enough courage and whispered.

"I love you."

It felt right. James smiled because it felt right. He knew he was in love with Edward. He didn't know if Edward was ready to hear it, so he wasn't going to say anything to him yet, but nonetheless he knew how he felt.

Edward snuggled further into James' body, craned his neck around, kissed James softly and whispered "I love you too."

Edward was just beginning to fall asleep when he heard James whisper "I love you" into his ear. One emotion dominated all the others, elation. Although he hadn't felt the way he was feeling before and he surely didn't know if what he was feeling was love, he said it back. James didn't say anything in return, only tightened his arm around Edward and they both enjoyed the new, yet unsure, confession that passed between them.

Finals week was stressful for everyone including Edward and James. They were more than glad it was over. Edward was staying the first week off with James in his dorm then going back to Forks for a week, and then finally going to spend the remaining days with James back in Seattle.

The week off with James was spent doing several indoor and outdoor activities. As James promised he took Edward skiing for his first time; he hated it, spending more time face first in the snow than anything else. After a few runs on the bunny hill and one bruised ego, they went into the lodge and enjoyed warm drinks and each others' company. Watching the snow lovers play was fun for Edward and he wouldn't have minded sitting in the lodge while James did a few more runs on the more advanced hills. James, however, didn't want to leave Edward alone, so they left the ski resort a few hours earlier than expected.

Edward was determined to do something winter related so the next day they went ice skating at a nearby ice rink, Edward didn't fall once. He was proud of himself. What he didn't know when he suggested ice skating was how well James could do that. When Edward asked him about it he told him that his parents enrolled him in all sorts of classes when he was younger. They ranged from Musical kindergarten to dance and figure skating. The only activity James continued with enthusiasm was playing guitar. He skated until he was 16 then quit to do other things. Edward was in awe of how talented James was. James never bragged or boasted; he was rather shy and quiet about his talents, almost in an undermining way.

Before Edward realized it, his week with James was over and he had to head back to Forks. Since Chris didn't have a car his mom agreed to pick him up. When she arrived at the school and made it to his door room she pulled him into a giant hug and almost started crying. She contained herself. Once they got to the car it was like she turned into an investigator. The questions just kept pouring from her. She wanted to know about everything from school to James and although he was tired of playing 20 questions he was grateful that she accepted him and wanted to be kept informed about his life. Edward gushed about James and when he told his mom that they were in love she squealed. Of course she wanted to meet him and asked Edward if it would be okay for her to visit sometime in the spring. He had no qualms with that and he figured that James wouldn't either since his parents wanted to meet Edward. The light hearted conversation quickly darkened when Edward asked about his dad.

"Have you talked to dad? How's he doing?"

"I've talked to him sweety. He's doing fine."

"Well has he asked about me? Or said anything about me at all?"

Edward's mother shook her head. She lied. His dad had in fact asked about him and said several things about him, none of which were good. As much as she tried to make him see that being gay wasn't wrong or a sin Edward's dad refused to listen. He had told her not to even bother inviting him over for Christmas, he wanted nothing to do with Edward. It broke his mother's heart and she knew it would break Edward's so she kept her mouth shut and didn't tell Edward any of it.

The rest of car ride was spent in a somber silence.

Not wanting his mom to see the hurt caused by his dad, Edward swallowed his pain and tears. If his dad didn't care he was going to try not to either. Upon arriving at the house Edward plastered on a fake smile and asked his mom if she wanted to spend the night watching movies with him. She most definitely did. The two of them spent some much needed and therapeutic quality time together. Edward couldn't deny it, he needed his mother. The evening ended on a good note and Edward went to sleep without thinking about his father.

Waking up rather early Edward didn't know what to do with himself. He puttered around the house, woke up his mom to cook him breakfast, watched TV and then got ready for the day. It only 11 by the time he was finished. There was only one thing left him to do and that was to annoy Alice. She bailed on him for Thanksgiving, so he figured she could deal with him and his dramatics all day long. He didn't really think she'd be asleep since she is always energetic, but he could hope. Feeling more jovial then usually he borrowed him mom's car and drove to her house. Not bothering to knock he let himself in.

"Hi momma Winters!" Edward said as Alice's mom peaked her head through the kitchen door way to see who had come in. "Is Alice home?"

"She's in her room." Alice's mom smiled largely when she realized it was Edward. "You come give me a hug before you go up there."

Edward gave Alice's mom a hug and then walked towards the back of the house where Alice's room was. He debated knocking, but didn't.

"MALICE!" he yelled when she didn't turn around at the sound of her door opening.

Alice practically jumped out of her skin. Edward couldn't stop laughing at her. Once she gathered herself she walked towards him and hit him.

"Ouch." He rubbed his shoulder as if her tiny fist actually hurt him.

"Asshole. You deserve it."

"Oh you liked it." He teased. She laughed.

"I've missed you." Alice hugged Edward. "Whatcha wanna do today?"

"As long as I'm spending time on you I don't care." Edward smiled.

"Ick. Save your cheesiness for your lover boy." She laughed.

"You miss my cheesiness. Let's watch a movie." Edward suggested.

"Ok, my pick though!" She laughed.

"Hey before we start, did you and Emmett work things out?"

Alice frowned. "Not really. I think we broke up, I'm not sure though. It's confusing."

"What? What happened?"

"I don't know really, he says I expect too much from him," She shook her head "I don't wanna talk about it right now. I'm not gonna let him ruin my time with you."

"I'm sorry." Edward hugged her and then picked her up and carried her out to the living room. He didn't want to see his best friend sad.

She squealed in surprise when he picked her up.

The second movie was almost over when Alice got a call from Emmett. Even though she didn't sound sad talking to him, Edward could see the sadness in her eyes. They talked for a few minutes and she turned her attention back to Edward.

"We're going bowling in a couple of hours." She said with authority.

"What?"

"Some people from our class are going bowling. We're joining them."

"Okie doke, sounds fun." Edward shrugged his shoulders.

True to what Alice had said, they were at the bowling alley. Feeling chivalrous Edward wanted to pay for Alice, she fought it, but he won. They stood in line got their bowling shoes and headed towards the people they recognized.

Immediately Emmett gathered Alice in his arms and hugged her tightly. Edward could feel uneasiness wafting off of her. He walked over to Emmett and started talking to him. Alice subtly squeezed his hand as a thank you. He made a mental to note to find out what was going on later. There were quite a few people at the bowling alley that Edward recognized; he made small talk with a lot of them too. Somewhere between mingling and taking his turn bowling he lost Alice. As he scanned the lanes surrounding him he saw Jasper. Jasper was standing with some of their old football buddies. Edward didn't care to talk to any of them so he acted as if he didn't see them. Looking around the bowling alley Edward noticed that Emmett was gone too. He figured they went somewhere to talk. Trying not to get frustrated about being ditched Edward walked to the café and bought a coke. On his way back to his lane Jasper caught him.

"What the fuck? No hello?"

"You were with people I don't care for. I didn't wanna go over there." Edward stated bluntly.

"Whatever." Jasper brushed past Edward and continued walking.

Almost 40 minutes passed. Neither Alice nor Emmett had returned and Edward was starting to feel awkward. He decided to call Alice to see where she was, but got no reception in the bowling alley. He was going to have to walk outside to call her. Changing shoes Edward went outside and was about to call Alice when he saw Jasper shutting the trunk of his car. Edward didn't know what came over him; whether it was his frustration with being back home or about Alice disappearing, he confronted Jasper.

"Jasper?" Jasper turned around at the sound of his name. "What's your problem, man?"

"Huh?" Jasper did nothing to hide his disinterest in the conversation.

"Why are you being such an asshole to me?" Edward said slightly throwing up his hands in question "Is it because of my relationship with James? Because I'm gay, cuz I thought you got over that."

Jasper started at Edward intently for a minute before responding. "It's because you changed."

"Bullshit. I haven't changed at all."

"Yes you have. Ever since you started dating that one kid, you act all fucking high and mighty. It grows old fast."

"Fuck you, you're just pissed that I, for once, have something you don't. A sense of security. You can't get over the fact that you're to fucking insecure to do anything for yourself. You're majoring in what your dad wants you too. Its college you're supposed to find yourself, not grow into a mold.

Jasper grew tired of the fight so he went for Edward's soft spot. "At least my dad still talks me, fairy."

It wasn't so much the comment about Edward's dad not talking to him, but the 'fairy' at the end of the sentence that made Edward see red. When that word came out of Jasper's mouth Edward could hear his dad call him a fairy and rage surged through him. Edward lunged for Jasper, the tips of his knuckles making contact with Jasper's jaw. Jasper struck back and the boys were on the ground throwing punches and insults. Edward was pinned beneath Jasper when Edward felt Jasper's weight being lifted off of him.

After getting up Edward tried to go for Jasper again, but was restrained. Struggling to get free he paid no attention to whom was around him or what they were saying. Eventually he calmed himself down and the person holding him back let go. Alice was standing in front of him he was trying understand what she was saying.

"…drive you home. Let's go." She reached for his hand and he recoiled. He stomped off to the car and Alice ran behind.

"Edward! Let me drive you home!"

He threw his keys at her and then waited for her to unlock the car. The drive back to his house was filled with tension and anger.

Edward stormed inside his house and straight to him room. Alice followed silently behind him shaking her head at Edward's mom as if telling her it wasn't a good moment to ask what was going on. Grabbing a Ziploc bag Alice filled it with ice and then wrapped a few paper towels around. Edward had a bloody, and soon to be fat, lip. She didn't know what else to do for it. As she left the kitchen she saw Edward's mom standing at the bottom of the stairs with a worried look on her face.

"Don't worry. He's okay. He just got into a little fight with Jasper. Once he calms down I'm sure he'll talk to you about it." They both knew that last sentence was true.

Pacing the room Edward didn't look up when he heard the door open. He was too focused on trying to sort out his emotions. He wasn't exactly sure how he was feeling; proud for standing up for himself, stupid for acting the way he did, rage towards Jasper for being an asshole and irritation at Alice for leaving him alone. Those were only the emotions he could tell apart from one another. He wasn't about to begin trying to identify all the unfamiliar feelings residing within him.

"Edward?" Alice said softly. She held out the paper towel wrapped Ziploc baggy.

Edward took it and nodded his head as a thank you. She could tell he wasn't in the mood to talk so she left the room and asked Edward's mom for a ride home, to which she gladly obliged.

When Edward heard the front door shut he let out roar. He was furious. Jasper was an ass to him, but he shouldn't have taken his anger out on him. Although he knew he had to call Jasper and apologize, he wasn't going to do it right away. They both needed to calm down. Finally calming down enough to sit Edward moved to his bed and felt a sharp sting as he sat down; lifting up his shirt he could already see the outline of a bruise forming from one of the blows that Jasper landed. Edward groaned and gently laid himself down on the bed. After all the adrenaline wore off he found himself extremely tired. He would deal with everything when he woke up.

The smell of bacon filled the down stairs. Edward found his mom in the kitchen cooking breakfast.

"Sorry if I worried you last night." He spoke up as he tried to stretch and rub the back of neck.

"It's okay sweety. Let me see your lip." She gasped at the small cut on his lip. He wasn't even considering showing her the bruise on his abdomen.

Sitting down at the table he told his mom about the previous nights' events and they talked about it. He spent the rest of Christmas break, with his mother, inside the house. He called Jasper to apologize several times and text him as well, but he never got a reply or acknowledgment that Jasper got the messages.

Alice stopped by a couple of times, but Edward shut himself away and acted reserved when she came over. It wasn't until night before he was about to leave that he called her over. She came over, but she could tell that he still wasn't acting like himself.

They sat silently in his bedroom for a little bit before Edward started talking.

"Where did you go?

"Emmett wanted to talk we were sitting in his car. He saw you start the fight and he pulled Jasper off of you." She said in a guilty voice.

"What did he want to say?" Edward did care, but right now he was irritated that she always seemed to be leaving him for Emmett.

"To apologize, he didn't like seeing me hang all over you."

"That's stupid he knows I'm gay." He didn't hide incredulous tone in his voice.

"That was his point. He didn't like watching me hang all over my gay best friend, so he would hate seeing me with another guy. So he wanted to apologize and try to make things better between us." Alice waited for Edward to reply and when he didn't she continued. "What did Jasper say to make you punch him?"

"He called me a fairy." He ended the explanation there he didn't want to have to explain why it pissed him off. He still hadn't told Alice about the situation with his dad.

"That's it? He's done worse to you and this is what you choose to punch him for." Alice didn't believe him.

"He's also been a dick since school started. It was just piling up."

"How has he been a dick?" She knew something was up and since she couldn't ask Jasper because they weren't really friends she had to find out from Edward.

"He's been ignoring me and then blaming it on me. I… just… ever since I started dating James it's as if he doesn't wanna be my friend anymore."

"Maybe it's because he's jealous."

"I called him out on that. That he's mad that I have something he doesn't."

"I don't think that's what he's jealous about."

"What would he have to be jealous about?"

"James. I saw Jasper staring at you earlier in the bowling alley when we first got there. I think he likes you." Edward laughed loudly at her statement.

"Malice, what are you smoking?"

"I'm being serious. I could tell you were gay, why don't you believe me about him. I just think he's too scared to say anything about."

"Yeah… Whatever. He's not even answering my calls so I doubt that he'll ever tell me anything."

"Fine, don't believe me. I know I'm right though. So are you done being weird because I won't see you till summer?" A smirk spread across Alice's face. Edward pushed is irritation aside so that he could enjoy his time with Alice.

"Yeah, I'm done. Wanna play a game of rat screw?"

"I'm going to kick your ass."

Edward spent a couple of hours with Alice. They played some card games and then just spent time talking. He had almost forgotten how much he missed her. Unfortunately, she had to leave earlier than he wanted her to.

The next morning Edward's mom drove him back to Seattle. Edward spent the last days of the break with James at his parent's house. He had prepped himself to meet James parents, but found out that they had gone to a cabin for New Years. Relief washed through Edward, his break had already been emotional he didn't want the stress of having to impress his boyfriend's parents on top of that.

Never did Edward think that he would be ready for a break to be over. He actually wanted school to start. It was good at distracting him from his familial and friend problems. Two weeks had passed since the fight with Jasper and Edward still hadn't heard from him. He was fed up with being ignored and feeling like it was his fault. He walked over to Jasper's room and knocked on the door and a guy he didn't recognized answered. Edward's first thought was that Jasper got a new roommate, but when he peeked around the guy standing in the door he didn't see any of Jasper's things in the room.

"Is Jasper here?"

"Who?" The guy sounded confused.

"Jasper?" Edward clarified.

"I don't know who that is? I just moved in at the start of the quarter." He shook his head.

"He lived here last quarter, I think he forgot to tell me he switched rooms." Edward said trying not to feel stupid for not knowing. "Sorry for bothering you."

"It's cool." The guy said before shutting the door.

As Edward started to walk back to his room it donned on him that Jasper would have had to sign up for a room change before fall quarter ended. Then he realized if that were the case Jasper would have had several chances to tell him. Once Edward got back to his room Edward called Jasper and as he expected Jasper didn't answer. Edward left Jasper a very clear message.

"I'm sorry I punched you. I stopped by your room and found out you moved. Anyways I was calling to tell you that if you don't at least acknowledge that I've been trying to get a hold of you, don't bother talking to me again. This is too much drama for me."

Edward hung up the phone then proceeded to wait for it to ring.

* * *

**Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Twilight belongs to S. Meyer. I'm just messing up her characters.

* * *

**

Edward's phone chirped and then much to his displeasure kept chirping. He rolled out of James' bed and dug threw his bag to find it. Exhaling loudly Edward silenced his phone, ran a hand over his face started look for a clean shirt. Class started in less than thirty minutes he had to get going. James' new apartment was about ten walking minutes from campus and although that he still had time to get ready he didn't know where the classroom room. As he was slipping on his pants he saw James staring at him.

"Perv." He said as covered his chest, feigning modesty.

"Only when you're involved, you're so hot. I can't stop looking at you."

"Mmm… I know what you mean." Edward bent down and gave James a kiss. "Good luck with all your classes today."

"You too handsome." James replied and Edward walked hurriedly out the door.

He arrived to the designated class room ten minutes before class was supposed to start. Finding an empty seat he took out a notebook and pen and started to doodle. Edward couldn't believe how fast time has gone by. It was fall quarter of his sophomore year. It's been roughly eleven months since he started dating James and almost nine since the bowling alley incident with Jasper.

Jasper.

Edward honestly thought that Jasper would have called him back. His phone was attached to him every second of every day for two weeks after that call. Every time it rang he wanted it to be Jasper, but it never was. He had to let it go. Obviously Jasper wasn't as invested in their friendship as Edward was. That fact shouldn't have surprised him, but it did. The way Jasper has treated Edward since their senior year of high school should have been enough of a hint, but Edward refused to accept it. Since before he could remember he and Jasper were friends, they played sports together, and were basically inseparable. To say that it hurt Edward when Jasper never called would be an understatement. He told James everything about Jasper, even about his short lived crush on him. James accepted all gracefully and did what he could to comfort Edward even though there wasn't much he could do.

* * *

After the second week of no reply Edward basically said _'fuck it'_ deleted Jasper's number from his phone and tried his best to move forward. He was still trying to get his dad to accept him and he couldn't handle the further rejection of a second person. Everyone that knew the situation knew it would be healthier for Edward to forget about Jasper and he tried his best to.

Six months, two quarters, had passed and Edward did not see Jasper even once on Campus. Had he been attending University of Washington it wouldn't have been a big deal, but Seattle University was only two blocks long. It was nearly impossible to not run into or at least see people. Curiosity was biting at Edward, but he ignored it. It would have been easy to call his mom and have his mom find out what happened to Jasper, but he decided to let the issue die. There was no point to opening old wounds. Jasper was never going to be a part of Edward's life again.

After the school year ended James found himself an apartment and a roommate. Knowing Edward's issues with Forks James offered to share his room with Edward. Edward agreed on the terms that he pay a portion of the utilities and rent. It was moving into the new apartment that Edward got to meet James' parents.

Edward had been rearranging some of the things in their room, in particular the placement of James' guitar when he heard an unfamiliar voice.

"You must mean a lot to him."

"What?" Edward whipped around.

"You must mean a lot to Jimmy. I'm Burt, Jimmy's dad." He stuck out his hand.

"I would hope so. I'm Edward, James' boyfriend." Edward stood and shook Burt's hand.

"I figured. He's told us a lot about you. He lets you touch his guitar?"

"Yeah, he's been trying to teach me how to play. That's not going so well." Edward chuckled under his breath at the thought. James had so much patience with him and the guitar.

"He plays in front of you?" Burt raised his eyebrows in question.

"Not often, but once in a while yeah."

"You gotta be something then. He doesn't play for anyone. It was like pulling teeth to get him to play for the interviewers from Julliard."

"Julliard? He applied to Julliard?" Edward asked astounded.

"Yep, he got in too."

"Why isn't he there then?"

"That boy, my boy, is something else. Everyone tells him he's got talent and he doesn't get it. He denied Julliard because _HE _didn't think he was up to snuff." Burt said shaking his head.

Edward didn't know what to say so he just nodded in agreement. After everything he had learned about James it shouldn't have surprised him that James would have been accepted into Julliard. He wanted to know more about James' past, but didn't ask. He figured that if James wanted him to know he would volunteer the information himself.

A few minutes after Edward's chat with Burt James came in followed by a woman who was undoubtedly his mother. They had the same eyes. Edward could see where James' personality came from; he was a mixture of his parents and they were all easy to get along with. He was jealous of the dynamic of their family and wished it could be how his family worked.

The rest of the summer went smoothly as well. James' parents loved Edward and he was quite fond of them too. Edward's mom even came and stayed in Seattle for a week and got to meet James. She almost started crying when she saw first saw the boys hold hands and sneak a quick kiss. Never had she seen Edward so happy and therefore couldn't be more thankful for James.

* * *

However, summer was over now and Edward sat in the somewhat empty classroom, hoping he would see someone he knew. It always made class easier if there was a friend in it. Every time the door opened Edward looked up, he saw some familiar faces but no one he would even call an acquaintance. The professor came in and started his introduction to the class. Just as she was handing out the class syllabus one more person walked through the door.

Jasper.

They made eye contact, but that was the extent of their communication. Jasper found a seat on the other side of the classroom. That didn't bother Edward at all, it was only one day, Edward figured he could switch to a different class later on in the day and not have to worry about being in the same room as Jasper.

Unfortunately bad luck reared its' ugly head and Edward couldn't find another class that fit into his schedule. _"Fuck"_ he muttered to himself. Then he felt warm hands on his shoulders.

"What's wrong handsome?" James whispered.

"I wanted to get out of a class, but nothing fits with into my schedule."

"Why do you wanna get out of the class?"

"Jasper is in it."

"C'mon that's ridiculous. Ignore him baby. Don't let him dictate your schedule." James kissed Edward.

Edward didn't really want to stay in the class, but he knew James was right and that he shouldn't let Jasper's presence decide what classes he's taking. Staying in the class wasn't as bad as Edward had thought it would have been. The boys had found their respective seats on opposite sides of the classroom and didn't have any problems ignoring one another.

Two weeks into the class their routine of ignoring each other was disrupted. The professor assigned groups for projects and as misfortunate would have it Edward and Jasper ended up in the same group. This was in no way okay with Edward. As soon as class was over he walked went to the professor's office to change into a different group.

"Dr. Caps?"

"Yes?" She was still unloading her briefcase

"My name is Edward and I'm in your Intro to Political Science class. You assigned us groups today and I was wondering if I could possibly get switched into another group?"

"What's wrong with your current group?" Dr. Caps shot him an accusatory look.

"One of the other members and I have some irreparable personal issues and I would prefer not to talk him."

"I see" she nodded her head. "I'm not going to help you with that. Part of college is learning to deal with issues like this. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"No, thanks anyways." Edward was pissed, but acted calm. He was not looking forward to having to deal with Jasper in any manner.

After the next class period Edward's group gathered and planned time for all of them to meet and start working on their project. It was easy and fortunately Edward didn't have to say more than hello to Jasper. It was after the meeting that got to Edward. He was walking towards his dorm room when he heard someone call him. Turning around he saw it was Jasper. Edward shook his head and kept walking forward. Unfortunately for Edward, it wasn't enough to detour Jasper. He jogged to Edward.

"Hey Edward, look I know you're pissed but can we talk."

"No." Edward said in a clipped tone.

"C'mon man just gimme five minutes."

"No." Edward shook his head non understanding why Jasper was putting in the effort.

"Well, can you at least be civil towards me?" Jasper asked in an angry tone.

That pissed off Edward off he couldn't believe Jasper had the audacity to sound mad. He was the one who never returned phone calls and basically threw away their friendship. Edward's blood was boiling and he was trying to remain as calm.

"Not talking to you is about as civil as I can get with you." Edward seethed. "Now leave me the fuck alone."

Jasper knew Edward well enough to know when to not push him so he turned around and walked off. Edward was relieved, he was pretty sure there was a no fighting on campus grounds policy and he really didn't want to break it.

Almost two weeks passed and everything was going smoothly. Jasper didn't try to talk to Edward unless it pertained to the group project and Edward went on acting as Jasper never meant anything to him at all. At one group meeting Edward had forgotten his handouts that he made in James' printer. He sent James' a quick text.

'_Left something in the printer. Bring it to me pigg 1__st__ fl –C'_

'_Be there in a few –J'_ James responded quickly.

James walked up to Edward's group and Edward made a quick introduction of everybody including Jasper. Then Jasper did something unexpected. He pointed at the empty chair next to him and said "Why don't you have a seat for a minute. We're not really working right now."

James looked down at Edward and Edward shrugged his shoulders. James knew who Jasper was and that he caused his Edward pain so he was confused as to why Jasper was being nice to him.

"I can't, have to get back to homework. I was just helping Edward out." James leaned down and gave Edward a peck on the lips, just to piss Jasper off, said goodbye to everyone and then left for his room.

The group continued to avoid their work for a little longer and then decided to go their own separate ways. They weren't getting anything done. As they were breaking apart Edward approached Jasper.

"So what are you getting at?"

"What do you mean?" Jasper was trying to be coy.

"Why are you being nice to my boyfriend?"

"I'm trying to make things right. I messed up and I'm just trying to fix it." The answer was honest.

"No, you don't get to do that. You fucked everything up and being nice to my boyfriend definitely won't fucking fix it." Edward almost yelled.

"I don't know what else to do to make things better." Jasper's shoulders sank.

"That's because there's nothing you can do."

Edward and Jasper stared at one another waiting for the other to speak or break eye contact. Jasper broke first and walked away. Edward didn't smile or feel like he had won, he felt nothing at all. He was completely done with Jasper and his antics.

The weekend marked James 21st birthday, since he was older than almost all of his friends he decided that he wanted to have a small house party than go out to a bar. Edward, James and James' roommate Laurent spent most of the day cleaning the house and prepping for the party. Edward however was able to find a minute to steal James and give him his present.

"Happy birthday." Edward kissed James "I got this for you. I know it's not much, but I thought you'd appreciate it."

Edward handed James a box and he took his time unwrapping it. Inside the box was a leather bracelet that had a metal guitar on it. The guitar had a pick shaped opening. At first James was confused but after he picked up the bracelet and saw a matching pick underneath it he realized what it was. It was a pick holder, so he wouldn't have to carry around loose ones in his pocket. James looked at Edward with awe and although he had said "I love you" to Edward before he felt his love for Edward more than ever.

"Edward is amazing thank you."

"You're welcome. I'm glad you like it. Let me put it on you." Edward said grabbing the bracelet from James. "I didn't know what type of picks you use, so I just choose one that matched the pattern of the guitar."

"I'll use it either way. Thank you." James kissed Edward again, but didn't stop. He pushed Edward back onto the bed. James crawled on top of Edward slipping his hands inside of Edward's shirt along the way. Edward sat up and took off his shirt, James followed suit. It was James birthday and Edward wanted shower him with attention and take control so he pushed on James' chest until he rolled onto his back. Edward placed kissed along his jaw and down his neck. He blew a hot breathe over one nipple then the other and only after James let out a whimper did he taste James' familiar skin. Edward ran his hands along the James' sides and kissed his way further down. Palming James through his jeans he waited until James thrust into his hands to undo his pants.

Edward dragged his fingers along James' thighs as he pulled down his pants and boxers in the same motion. James moaned at the pressure and tried to pull Edward up to start undressing him, but Edward wouldn't move back up. He nibbled along James' inner thigh as he moved back towards his midsection. Flicking out his tongue he licked the bead of liquid that had gathered at James' head. In one swift motion he took James into his mouth and sucked.

If Edward kept up his actions James wasn't going to last more than five minutes. He tried to pull Edward up again and this time was successful. He kissed Edward with force; it was Edward's turn to moan. As James repeated Edward's actions Edward reached his hand out to the dresser sitting next to the bed and felt around. Grabbing the desired object he tapped James' shoulder with it. James lathered himself and Edward's opening with it. In a smooth and well practiced motion he entered Edward. The both grunted at the feeling.

Although this wasn't the first time they made love, this time seemed to mean something more and both of them could feel it.

James rolled off of Edward and held onto, places kisses in his hair.

"People will get her soon, we should get ready."

"I'll have Laurent tell them to go away. I want to lay here with you."

"As nice as that sounds our friends want to celebrate your birth so let's go make nice and have fun."

"Pssh. Fine I'm getting up."

As Edward had said people started arrive about thirty minutes later. The party was fun. There was no drama and much to both Edward's and James' delight no one got so drunk that they had to spend the night. It was around two in the morning when the last guest walked out the front door and it was only because he could tell that Edward and James were having a hard time keeping their hands off of each other.

After locking the door the boys got ready for bed. Of course sleep wasn't on their schedule and things started to get heated between them.

James was on his knees in front of Edward when they heard the buzzer for the front door go off.

"Ignore it." Edward said.

"What if someone left their keys or something?" James reasoned.

"They'll call."

"What if they left their cell?" James challenged.

"Always the voice of reason, you are" Edward sighed in defeat.

James threw on some pajamas and went to the intercom.

"Yeah?" He asked over the intercom

"It's Eric, let me in dude." Eric sounded frightened. James buzzed him in.

When Eric got to the door of James' apartment James called for Edward.

"Edward, bring me my phone please?"

"What's wrong baby? Edward heard the distress in James voice.

James didn't respond. Edward would be able to see for himself. As Edward got to James he saw Eric and gasped. Eric was clutching his side and had a bloody lip.

"Shit." James breathed out "What happened?"

"I got mugged about a block away. They took everything I had on me. My cell, keys, wallet…" Eric paused to lick the blood off his lip. "Will you call the police, please?"

Edward went to the kitchen and got some ice for Eric's lip while James called the police. After everything settled and Eric made it back to his apartment safely Edward and James had a talk. Thoroughly freaked out by the random act of violence, so close to the apartment, they both agreed to not walk anywhere by themselves at night or let their friends.

* * *

Almost a month had passed since James' birthday. Thankfully they hadn't heard about any more muggings around them, but the people who had attacked Eric weren't caught.

The group project for Jasper and Edward was coming to a close and to be honest Edward couldn't be happier about it. They made no personal progress in being friends and Edward was fine with that. There was no reason for them to be friends.

Fall ball, an annual dance the school hosted, was coming up. Originally James and Edward weren't going to go, but after much pressure from their friends they caved. To ensure that their night would be fun the boys prefunked at James' apartment and got pretty tipsy before heading to campus to ride the bus over to the EMP. Both James and Edward brought their own flasks filled with whisky to keep their buzz going.

They got to the dance and found that it had a bar for those over 21. James wanted to go in, but didn't want to leave Edward. It wasn't until James saw a group of his friends in the bar area that he asked Edward if he would mind him going into the bar area for awhile. Edward agreed on the terms that James left him his flask.

After about an hour James returned to Edward, who was a bit more than tipsy, and asked if it was alright for him to go to a nearby bar with his friends. Edward was having fun with his friends and said okay. James left Edward to his own devices.

Edward managed to finish both flasks and was dancing with his friends when his body realized that he had taken in too much alcohol. Edward tried to make it to the bathroom but only got to the edge of the dance floor. Vomit decorated his shoes and the floor. Next thing he knew he was being escorted out of the EMP by security.

Jasper was standing outside waiting for the next bus back to campus when he saw Edward being escorted out of the building. Edward darted out of the security guards grasp to a grassy spot and began to heave. They kept trying to ask who he was with, but Edward kept saying that he left with his friends and wouldn't give them an answer besides that.

Standing close enough to hear the exchange Jasper stepped in.

"Excuse me, but I know him. I can make sure he gets back home."

The security guard looked at Jasper then back at Edward and asked "Do you know him?"

Edward nodded and heaved again.

"Good luck" The security guard said as he stepped away from Edward. Jasper just stood and watched Edward not knowing how to approach him. Knowing that the bus driver wouldn't let Edward onto the bus in his current condition Jasper called a taxi. They said it would be about fifteen minutes before it arrived.

People were starting to stare. Jasper felt bad as Edward continued to empty his stomach onto the grassy patch. Finally the taxi arrived and Edward sat back and nodded that he was alright.

With a sigh he helped Edward off the ground, "C'mon let's get you back to your room."

"You're not getting me anywhere!" Edward slurred.

"You're drunk. You need to get back to your room."

"Well you're an asshole and I'm not telling you to go get hit by a car."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Your face doesn't make sense." Edward said it to be insulting, but Jasper just laughed at the comment.

Edward continued. "Why are you such a douche to me?"

Jasper stared at Edward debating whether or not to tell him the truth. He couldn't. Not now, not while he was drunk and puking in the grass.

"I'll tell you when we get back to your room."

"You're a liar." Edward whispered, "You won't tell me anything."

"I've never lied to you."

"You're right you only forget that I exist" He said in a defeated voice.

"That's exactly the opposite of what I do, trust me." Jasper tried to help Edward up.

"I've got no reason to trust you. You always hurt me." Edward slapped Jasper away and stood on his own.

"I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. Now please get into the cab with me?"

Edward was silent and staggered to the taxi. The ride back to campus was silent save for Jasper's directions to the driver.

"What room is yours?"

"Bellarmine 315"

"I need your access card." Edward dug it out of his wallet and handed it over to Jasper.

They were quiet as they made their way up to the third floor. Edward handed his key to Jasper knowing it would be easier for Jasper to open the door than him. Jasper opened the door and Edward pushed passed him and grabbed his tooth brush. Once inside Jasper just sat on a chair and watched as Edward fumbled about the room; brushing his teeth and trying to get out of his jeans at the same time. Edward settled on his bed and stared at Jasper.

"So are you going to tell me why you're always an asshole to me?" Edward asked sounding surprisingly sober.

"I don't want to, but I will."

"I'm waiting." Edward sat on his bed.

"It's because I don't want to be your friend." Jasper admitted.

"Oh… Well… if that's the case you could have just said so." Edward tried to put on an indifferent face.

"No. That's not what I meant." Jasper clarified.

"You're confusing me I'm too drunk for this." Edward raised an eyebrow.

"I don't like James. I don't like seeing you with James and I definitely hate seeing you kiss James."

"So it's because I'm gay. Fuck you! Get the hell out of my room! I don't need this shit from you too!" Edward yelled.

"Edward shut up." Jasper moved from the chair to stand right in front of Edward.

"Fuck off." Edward spat.

Jasper leaned down

"Go the fuck away." Edward said as he leaned away from Jasper.

He grabbed the sides of Edward's face.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He tried to move Jasper's hands, but couldn't

First he brushed a thumb across Edward's lips, Edward looked up at him. Then he brought his face closer to Edward's, Edward stiffened. Finally looking in Edward's eyes and seeing no protest he kissed Edward once, softly. Pulling back Jasper looked into Edward's eyes again in search for a reply.

"Again." Edward whispered.

Jasper kissed him again and this time Edward kissed back. They kissed softly for a few minutes until Edward pushed Jasper off of him.

"I'm sorry," Jasper whispered "I shouldn't have done that, but you wanted to know and I couldn't get it come out right."

"Thank you for telling me." Edward grabbed Jasper by his shirt and pulled him down on top of him.

"Can you forgive me?" Jasper whispered against Edward's neck.

"I always forgive you."

"You're to forgiving"

"Only when it comes to you." Edward felt Jasper smile against him.

They kissed. They touched. They rubbed. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. Jasper didn't know or care. He was finally with Edward. Jasper snaked a hand between their bodies searching for Edward's length. He found it and Edward moaned into their kiss. The moan encouraged Jasper to start stroking him.

"God James… That feels so good…" Edward said in a breathy voice.

Jasper stopped. Edward had his eyes closed. Realization hit him, Edward was drunk. He didn't even know who he was messing around with. Edward thought it was James. Jasper's heart fell to his stomach. He felt sick, he was going to puke.

He made it to the trash can.

He turned around to apologize to Edward and say goodbye, but Edward had already passed out. Jasper silently slipped out of the room.

* * *

**EMP = Experience Music Project**

**Thank you for reading this chapter I hope you enjoyed it!  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**I own nothing. Twilight belongs to S. Meyer I just like mucking up her characters.**

* * *

"Nooo…" Edward said as he regained conciseness. Rolling from his side to his back he tried to stave off the nausea by keeping his eyes closed.

He could feel the dried layer of sweat that covered his body and as he swallowed he tasted a mixture of bile and whiskey. A new wave of nausea overcame Edward and this time he couldn't hold it back. He jumped of his bed raced towards the sink. His body convulsed with each dry heave. After a few minutes Edward left his sink and went to lay back down. He reached for his phone and typed a message to James.

_Do me a solid. Bring me Gatorade? –E_

Edward's phone vibrated a few seconds later, but he opted not to answer it. His stomach was in a delicate state and he wasn't going to do anything to upset it again. Edward fell back asleep only to be startled awake by a loud pounding on his door. He answered it and then immediately turned to his sink to start heaving again.

"Morning sunshine!" James exclaimed loudly. "You know the best cure for a hangover is the hair o' the dog that bit ya and I just happen to have some whiskey with me!"

Edward groaned and started heaving again. Once he regained his breathe he spoke. "Aren't you supposed to sympathize with me?"

"Yeah… No. You did this to yourself, but being the wonderful boyfriend that I am I did bring you Gatorade and potato soup."

Exhaling Edward reached for the Gatorade and cooed to it. "Oh I love you."

"Aren't you supposed to be saying that to me?"

"I would if you made me feel better, but no you make fun of me." Edward smiled as he said this to let James know he was joking.

"Situation reversal, you'd do the same." James scoffed "So what happened to you last night?"

"I actually don't know. Everything gets real fuzzy after I puked on the dance floor." Edward grimaced at his own words and his face grew red from embarrassment.

"Yeah?" James frowned. "I tried calling you a couple of times, but you didn't pick up and then I went back to the EMP and you weren't there."

"Sorry." Edward said with his head down.

The more he thought about the night the more that came back to him. Flashes of Jasper and then the vomit covered grass came to him. He groaned at the thought.

"What's the groan for?" James asked pulling Edward from his thoughts.

"I barfed outside the EMP. It's just embarrassing." Edward admitted

"So I was told."

"Ugh… People we know saw that?"

"Well Laurent saw that. He went out to check on you." James tried to comfort Edward with the information. "He also saw you talking to some guy and then getting in a cab with him?"

"Was it Jasper? I sorta remember talking to him outside the EMP, but I'm not sure."

"He didn't know who it was. He said he had blonde hair and was taller than you. You seemed to know him, according to Laurent."

"Then it was probably Jasper. I don't really know."

There was silence between the boys as Edward tried to stomach his potato soup. He at as much as his body let him and then looked at James only to find a frown upon his face.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked.

"I… Uhh… I'm not accusing you of anything or anything like that, but are you sure you didn't go home with anyone?" James whispered in reply

Edward was taken aback by James' question. He couldn't believe that he would ask him that. Then new memories from the previous night hit Edward hard; he remembered kissing and feeling Jasper. He didn't remember how things got to that point, but they did.

"I don't know." Edward lied. "I'll talk to Jasper later and ask him if he knows anything."

James nodded.

Edward couldn't get the fuzzy image of him and Jasper kissing out of his head and it made him nauseous. Everything he ate came back up, but not because of the hangover. Edward could feel James trying to soothe him by rubbing his back, but he was doing the exact opposite of soothing. He didn't know how he could have done such a thing to James. Heaving again Edward tried to shrug James' hand of his back. Guilt was something he didn't need any more of.

"James, I love you. I don't know if anything happened," He lied again "but if something did then it was a mistake and I didn't mean for it too. You're the only person who I feel this way about and want to be with. Please believe me when I say I am completely in love with you."

"I know you do." James nodded "I just get insecure."

Edward enveloped James into a hug before lying down again. He closed his eyes and tried to study his breathing hoping to feign sleep. After a few minutes his bed shifted and Edward felt James' body heat. He wasn't entirely sure that James had believed that Edward was asleep, but he knew James wasn't going to push.

Sleep was eluding Edward; his entire being was tired but every time he tried to give it rest unclear memories of Jasper came forth. He really needed to talk to Jasper to see what had happened. Forcing himself to relax Edward let sleep consume him. It was uneasy at best; waking up frequently due to nightmares or nausea.

The following day Edward called Jasper, and of course, Jasper didn't answer not that Edward had expected him to. Doing his best not to think about Fall Ball Edward busied himself with homework and meticulous cleaning. It even came to the point where he rewrote several of his assignments because the paper had a wrinkle or ink splotch on it.

Monday morning came and Edward was so nervous he was almost sick. He wasn't looking forward to going to class and he definitely wasn't sure he wanted to know all of the events that took place Friday night. If he were to be honest with himself Edward would be perfectly content pretending that the dance never happened and it was nothing more than a mere nightmare. However, as life would have it, he couldn't bring himself to do that. Every time Edward looked at James he could see the distress behind his eyes. He knew that he had to find out what exactly happened so that he could be completely honest with James like he deserved.

Once Edward got to class he discovered that his worrying was for naught. Jasper never showed up for class; which was relieving and irritating to Edward at the same time. By the time class ended Edward had built up enough courage to try calling Jasper again only to find that his efforts were once again fruitless. The drama and worry was weighing on him and he wanted nothing more than to be done with it.

The rest of Monday passed by as did Tuesday day. In the evening there was a group meeting and Edward knew that Jasper wouldn't miss that. It was then that Edward found his opportunity to speak with Jasper. After the meeting had ended and everybody was packing up their work Edward approached Jasper.

"Hey do you have a minute?" Edward inquired.

"Not really." Jasper answered after pulling out his cell phone to look at the time.

"I just need to ask you one thing."

"Ok can you make it fast though?" Jasper sighed and started walking.

Edward kept pace. "I don't really remember what happened on Friday, but I sorta remember talking to you? Why was that?"

"You were lit, buddy. Your drunken ass got kicked out of the EMP and then you started puking in the grass." Jasper laughed. "I think the security guard was actually going to call the police, so I decided to take responsibility for you and get you home."

"That's all that happened?"

"Pretty much." Jasper nodded.

"Oh well then thank you for saving my ass."

"Not a problem. So I've got a date did you need anything else?"

"Uhh… yeah. This is kinda weird and probably completely ridiculous, but did we kiss?"

"Fuck." Jasper muttered lowly. "Hang on one second."

Edward watched as Jasper gave him the hand motion to stay where he was, walked a few feet away and pulled out his phone. Not wanting to eavesdrop on Jasper's conversation Edward tried to distract himself by watching people walk by, but he couldn't keep himself from fully listening in.

Although he couldn't hear all of what Jasper was saying and what was being said to him he caught the phrases _"Hi beautiful" _and _"…meeting is running late can I get a rain check?"_ Then he saw Jasper hang up the phone and Edward tried to act as if he wasn't interested in what Jasper was doing.

"So did we kiss?" Jasper asked for clarification as he approached Edward.

"That's what I asked."

Jasper nodded then explained, "Well actually it was more of a 'you tried to kiss me thing'."

Edward eyes widened and a bout of nausea hit him. It was more or less the answer he had been expecting, but it didn't keep him from being any less appalled by his own actions.

"Don't worry about it though." Jasper told Edward in what almost seemed like a comforting tone. To Edward it seemed as if Jasper sensed his dismay and was trying to ease it. "You were beyond hammered and you called me James. So I figured you thought I was him."

Edward thought it was odd that Jasper was being so lax about the whole situation. Jasper was never one to be apathetic of incidents involving his sexuality. Shaking his head Edward couldn't bring himself to look up at Jasper due to his embarrassment of the situation. Keeping his head bowed Edward asked another question.

"Was I trying to dry hump you? It could have been a dream, but I don't know." As soon as the words left his mouth Edward wanted to take them back. This was something he didn't want to know the answer to. His mind was on overload as he tried to process the information and he didn't think he could handle it if Jasper gave him the answer he didn't want to hear.

"Yeah, sort of. I mean you passed out before I could even stop you. So, nothing happened."

"Okay." Edward exhaled rather loudly, "Okay. Shit." Edward had no idea what he was going to do.

"You alright?" Jasper asked sounding genuinely concerned.

"No, I am not fucking alright." Edward answered in a harsh tone. "I have to go back to my boyfriend and tell him I cheated on him." Edward's tone went from harsh to defeated.

"You know you don't have to say anything to him at all. It's not like I'm going to tell him and in all honesty it really wasn't anything." Jasper said.

"No, it is fucking something! I cheated on my boyfriend. I have to be honest with him because that's the only way a relationship works. That's the only way _our_ relationship will work." Edward spoke a little bit too loudly for his liking.

"Alrighty then, Imma go now and let you figure out you're little predicament. See you in class." Jasper said before walking away.

Edward didn't move from the spot he was standing in. He rubbed his eyes, let out a frustrated sigh and had an internal debate. "_What the hell am I going to tell James? Hey my loving and doting boyfriend I tried to cheat on you with my straight ex-best friend. Or do I lie to him? He'll never actually know. I shouldn't lie to him but it would make it so much easier. He deserves the truth. I'm going to tell him."_

Hesitantly Edward turned around and made his way to James' apartment. There had never been a time that he dreaded going over there until this moment. His stomach was in knots and he felt like he couldn't breathe. As he made his way to James' he ran over several scenarios of how the conversation could go, none of them ended in his favor.

Edward stood on the stoop of the James' apartment complex for a few minutes before pressing the button that would alert James someone was there. When he heard the beep for the doors Edward stepped into the apartment complex and very slowly made his was to James' door. Edward opened the door without knocking and set his back pack down by the door. Taking a few more steps into the apartment Edward spotted James in the kitchen.

"Want some tea?" James asked. His back was to him so Edward figured he heard him open the door.

"No thanks." Edward answered as he walked up behind James and wrapped his arms around his waist. He placed a kiss against James' neck and James hummed in contentment.

Making their way back to the living the boys sat on the couch and started talking.

"I talked to Jasper today about Fall Ball." Edward said as he reached for James hand.

"Yeah?" James set his cup on the brown coffee table in front of him.

"Yeah." Edward affirmed.

"What did he say?"

"That he helped me get home. Said I was too wasted to do it myself."

"That was nice of him." Edward could see the relief written on James face when Edward told him what happened. Of course he didn't know the rest of the story. Edward was about to tell him about the rest of the night, but James leaned over and kissed him.

"Let's go to the bedroom." James whispered into Edward's ear and all the courage Edward had built up to tell James that he cheated disappeared. As James continued making out with Edward's neck Edward decided that his actions with Jasper were nothing but a drunken mistake and there was no real reason why James had to know the rest of the evening's happenings.

Edward let James lead him to the bedroom, letting his need for James consume all the guilt he felt. When they got to the bedroom the boys stripped down to their boxers. Edward climbed onto the bed and laid back. He was enjoying the feeling of James lips on his neck and began to softly moan when James placed wet kisses on his nipples and down his chest. When Edward felt James kiss the space below his navel and pelvis he propped himself up on his elbows to watch what James was about to do. Edward couldn't help but close his eyes and thrust his hips into James' face when he felt James hot breathe over his length. Letting out a long breathe Edward opened his eyes again and found himself starring into James' eyes. Something in the way James was looking at Edward made Edward uncomfortable and hot, but not in a good way. He found he couldn't look at James, not while he was working him over the way he was. Edward pulled James up and then rolled him over.

"Let me make you feel good." Edward whispered in a husky voice.

James put up no protest to Edward's request and they spent the rest of the evening wrapped up in each other.

Light filtered through James' bedroom curtains waking Edward from his uneasy sleep. He watched James sleep for a bit then tried to go back to sleep, but his mind thoughts were racing. The nagging at the back of his mind made him restless which made him get out of bed. Edward started a pot of coffee and sat at the kitchen table waiting for James to wake up. Lost in his inner musing Edward heard his alarm go off. When he walked into James room he found James sitting the bed rubbing his eyes. Guilt reared its ugly head again when Edward took at James tired yet content appearance.

"Thought you left without your phone." James mumbled.

"No. I just couldn't sleep so I was reading in the kitchen. There's coffee on the pot by the way."

"Come lay down. I don't like waking up alone."

"I have to get ready for class." Edward gave James a sad smile, but really he couldn't be more relieved. Right now he was on the verge of hating himself and James wasn't helping that.

"Don't go to class. Let's spend the day in bed." James said as stood up and wrapped his arms around Edward.

"I lied. I kissed Jasper." The words were out of Edward's mouth before he could stop them. His own eyes widened in shock and he tried to hold James to him as if it would make the statement less painful for James. James moved out of his reach and Edward kept his head down.

"What?" James shook his head as if he heard wrong.

"I lied. I kissed Jasper." Edward repeated himself slowly. He couldn't look at James.

"I can't believe you!" James nearly shouted.

"I'm sorry. It was an accident. I was drunk. He said I called him you. You can call him and ask him. I should have told you last night, but I chickened out. I'm sorry." Edward pleaded.

"I don't know what I'm madder about; you lying or you cheating." James' tone became eerily calm.

"James…" Edward reached out a hand.

"Get the hell out. Right now you disgust me."

"James, please." Edward tried again.

"I can't look at you. Please leave. Let me think."

Edward looked up but found that James was looking out the window. "I really am sorry. It was an accident." He quickly gathered his things and went back to his room.

Edward opted out of class. He knew he needed more sleep and wouldn't have paid attention in class anyways. He rummaged through his desk for anything that would knock him out because he wouldn't be able to sleep on his own. He found some Nyquil.

When we woke up later in the day he checked his phone for messages hoping that James would have texted or called him. Edward had 2 missed call alerts on his phone, hurriedly he looked through them. Both were from Jasper. Edward didn't bother calling him back.

By the time Edward was ready for bed he still hadn't heard anything from James. He typed James a text, _I love you. I really am sorry."_

Not even two minutes after Edward sent the text he got a call from James.

"I'm so fucking sorry." Were the first words out of Edward's mouth.

"You sound like a broken record." James said dully.

"I don't know what else to say." Edward's tone was defeated.

"Then perhaps you shouldn't say anything." James retorted.

Edward sighed into the phone.

"I thought I was ready to talk to you, but I'm not. I'm still angry. I need some time to process this. I love you Edward, but don't contact me. I'll call you when I've calmed down. Right now I just want to yell at you and I know I'll saw something I regret. Alright?"

"Ok... I guess, if that's what you want."

"Right now it is." James confirmed.

"I love you."

"I love you too. I'l call you soon." James hung up before Edward could say anything else.

The rest Edward's week and his weekend was spent in turmoil. After the call he hadn't heard anything from James. Edward was positive that James going to leave him. Jasper had tried to contact him several times, but Edward wouldn't answer. Although Edward knew it wasn't Jasper's fault that James was mad at him Edward still placed the blame on Jasper.

On Monday morning Edward went to class and Jasper sat next to him.

"Hey man how you doing?" Jasper asked.

"Been better." Edward wasn't too keen on sharing his romantic problems with Jasper.

"I called you, a lot. Why didn't you return my calls." _Way to beat around the bush, Jasper_ Edward thought to himself as Jasper asked his question.

"Just wasn't in the mood to talk."

"That's understandable, I guess." Jasper nodded "Anyways, I wanted to know if you're going back to Forks this week."

"I don't know. I don't know how I would even get over there."

"I'm driving, you can ride with me." Jasper offered.

Edward looked at Jasper and wondered whether or not it would be a good idea. James still hadn't talked to him and after the whole kissing incident Edward wasn't sure James would even want him around Jasper.

"Uhh… can I get back to you tomorrow? I need to ask James if it's okay." Edward admitted shyly.

"Yeah just let me know."

The lecture ended and Edward went to work. He couldn't focus on anything besides the fact that he hadn't talked to James and now Jasper was offering him a ride to Forks. Edward really wanted to see him mom so the ride over would be nice, but he didn't want to do anymore damage to his relationship with James. He decided he was going to call James and just ask if James would have a problem with it. Nervously Edward waited for James to pick up, but the call went to voicemail.

"_I know you told me not to call you, but Jasper offered me a ride back home for break and I wanted to see if you would be okay with me going. If not that's fine I'll stay here. I miss you and love you. I wish you would talk to me."_

A few hours passed and much to Edward's surprise James returned his phone call.

"Hello." Edward said shyly into the phone.

"Hey."

There was silence on both ends.

"Did you get my message?" Edward finally asked.

"Yeah, I did." James sighed. "I'm not really fond of the idea of you being alone with Jasper, but I don't necessarily want to see you either."

Edward gasped at James harsh words. "James, I'm so sorry. It didn't mean anything at all. I'm sorry." Edward couldn't keep his voice from breaking as he spoke.

"Look, I'm more pissed off that you lied to me. I know Jasper is straight and that you probably didn't mean it, but that doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt."

"I'm sorry." Edward whispered.

"I know." James said coldly.

"Are you done with me?" Edward was crying when he asked James. He didn't want to know the answer.

"No, but I just need some time away from you. Call me when you get back."

"Okay." Edward hiccupped into the phone. "James?"

"Yes?"

"I love you." Edward said.

"I love you too." James hung up and Edward started crying harder. Through teary eyes he sent Jasper a text that he would appreciate a ride.

The drive back to Forks was silent for the most part. When Jasper tried to ask Edward what was wrong Edward responded by saying it was just 'fag stuff' and that he didn't need to worry about it. Of course, Edward being himself apologized almost immediately afterwards and then said he didn't really want to talk about.

When Edward got back home he asked his mom to just order pizza and laze around with him. He really missed her and just wanted some quality time with her.

"Hey have you talked to Alice's mom? Do you know if she's coming back for Thanksgiving?" Edward asked.

"I haven't and I don't." His mom told him. "Why don't you just ask her?"

"I don't feel like looking at my phone or being anywhere close it."

"Why not?" Edward's mother was concerned.

"James and I got into a fight and we're on a break until after Thanksgiving break and every time I'm near my phone I want to call or text him and that's not allowed." He said in one long breathe.

"What did you get into a fight about?"

Edward told his mother about the whole fiasco. She told him it would be alright and that if James didn't forgive him then he was an idiot.

On black Friday Jasper called Edward and asked if he would be interested in watching a movie. Dying of boredom Edward agreed and Jasper showed up at his house shortly after. They agreed upon Pulp Fiction. Jasper invited Edward's mom to watch the movie with them, but she said she was tired from shopping all morning and headed to bed. When the movie was over Edward asked Jasper he wanted to watch another and Jasper shrugged. As Edward looked through the DVD collection Jasper started to talking to him.

"I know it's not really my business and with the way I've acted I would understand if you don't want to answer my question, but how are you and James doing?"

Edward stared at Jasper for a few seconds before answering. "Right now, not well. He's really pissed about the events that happened at Fall Ball."

"So you told him about what happened?" Edward noticed that Jasper couldn't look at him when he asked this.

"At first I lied, but I couldn't keep it up so the next morning I confessed. He said he was more pissed about that. We're on 'a break' now." Edward made air quotes as he said break.

"Is that why you've been all sullen?"

Edward just nodded.

"So you really love him?"

Edward nodded again and couldn't help but think that it was odd that Jasper was suddenly interested in his love life.

"What makes him so special?" Jasper asked and didn't escape Edward's notice that there was a slight tone of bitterness in his voice.

"Why do you want to know?" Edward avoided answering. He knew something was up.

"I'm just curious. I miss being your best friend. I just want to know."

"When we were closer we never shared feelings."

"Yeah forget I asked then." Jasper said with indifference.

"James is patient with me. He's pretty understanding and he just makes me happy. I don't really know how to explain it." Edward blurted out.

"I can do that for you too." Jasper said so quietly and fast that Edward didn't know if he had really heard it. Either way Edward didn't acknowledge that he heard Jasper mutter anything. It was too weird of a statement.

The room went silent and Edward was going insane. He needed to talk or at least have something he could listen to in the background while he tried to analyze what Jasper had last said.

"Are you uncomfortable talking about my issues with my boyfriend?" Edward asked not knowing why.

"A little, but I need to get used to it." Jasper admitted. The boys put in the movie Anchorman and watched it mostly in silence.

The following day Edward asked his mom if his Dad had changed his mind about Edward and she just shook her head. They spent the day together joking around and enjoying each others company.

Sunday morning came and Jasper picked Edward up so they could make their way back to Seattle. Every time Edward looked over at Jasper he thought of the words that he may or may not have heard come out of Jasper's mouth. Though the car ride was filled with laughter and singing and he didn't want to ruin that he wanted to ask Jasper if he had actually said that. After stopping at a rest area to stretch Edward gathered enough courage to ask Jasper.

"On Friday when we were talking about James and I told you why he's special did you say 'you can be that too' or was I hearing things?" When the question left his mouth Edward realized how stupid it was. Jasper was undeniably straight and there was no way he would have ever said something like that.

"Jesus fuck, how many times am I going to have to go through this?" Jasper said more to himself than to Edward.

"What?" Edward asked.

"You don't remember? You seriously don't remember?" Jasper asked shaking his head.

"No, but you should tell me what I don't remember."

"Edward, I lied to you. I kissed you."

"You what?" Edward shouted

"Just hear me out okay. I don't know what I'm feeling, but every time I see you with James it makes me jealous that you're not with me. I'm fucking straight, but I want to be holding your hand and kissing you." Jasper admitted.

"You almost fucking ruined my relationship with James!" Edward was infuriated.

"I didn't mean to lie to you, but you called me James and it kinda broke my heart because I thought you were sober enough to know who you were kissing."

"That's not an excuse Jasper!" Edward wiped his mouth clean of the spit that had flung out when he was yelling at Jasper.

"I'm sorry! Okay? I'll talk to James and tell him everything myself." Jasper offered as consolation, but Edward wasn't having any of it.

"Fuck you!" Edward spat.

Edward was infuriated and when he saw that Jasper was closing the space between them he readied himself for a punch, but instead felt Jasper wrap his arms around him and then felt Jasper's face in his neck.

"I'm sorry Edward. I never meant to hurt anybody or do any damage, but you wanted to know." Jasper pleaded.

Edward was stoic. His breathing was hard, but his body was still. Jasper moved his head from Edward's neck and looked at him. Giving Edward no warning Jasper kissed him. At first Edward did nothing. He was shocked by Jasper's rash and unpredictable actions. Edward tried to push Jasper off of him, but Jasper just held on tighter.

"Please." Jasper begged.

Edward gave in and wrapped his arms around Jasper. Tentatively he kissed Jasper back, testing the water to see if it was real or not. Feeling Jasper hug him tighter Edward opened his mouth and welcomed Jasper's tongue. His taste was foreign and Edward wasn't sure he liked it. It was completely different from James.

_Fuck! James!_

With more strength then he knew he had Edward pushed Jasper off.

"That can never happen again. I have a boyfriend I'm very much in love with." Edward stated with authority.

"I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it."

Edward was done with situation. He just wanted to be back home sitting on the couch and cuddling with James.

"Can we leave?" Edward asked without looking at Jasper.

The ride back wasn't silent like Edward had expected it to be. It was filled with forced conversation and laughter. Neither boy dared to bring up what happened outside the rest area.

A couple hours later they were back in Seattle and the first thing Edward did was call James. He had debated telling James about the whole ordeal with Jasper, but couldn't. He didn't want to go through the fighting again and he was pretty sure that James would leave him if he found out.

Sitting on James' bed Edward stared at the ground. The room was filled with tension as both boys tried to figure out how to break the silence.

"I've given a lot of thought about us over break." James stated

"And?"

"Honestly, I thought about breaking up with you." James looked at Edward to see that his face had gone pale. "I was going to, but after seeing you I can't. I need you too much."

Tears were running down Edward's face as he tried to find the right words "I don't want to break up" was all he could muster.

"Then please don't ever lie to me again." James said sternly.

"I won't ever. Please just stay with me."

"We'll work on it."

Edward asked if he could spend the night and James said yes. They both slept in the same bed, but didn't touch. Edward cried himself to sleep. He was still with James, but he was still sad that he almost lost him.

The following morning Edward woke up to James crawling back into bed.

"Where'd you go?" He asked groggily.

At first James didn't reply he just wrapped himself around Edward and started kissing his neck.

"James what's going on?" Edward asked again, more awake this time.

"I got an email from Jasper. He told me everything that happened at the Fall Ball. He told me that he lied to you and that he kissed you."

"Did he tell you anything else?" Edward panicked, hoping he didn't mention the rest area incident.

"That he was sorry he lied to you and had such a negative effect on our relationship."

"He told me that on the way back, but the damage was done. I still lied to you." Edward said trying not to sound relieved.

"This makes the lie a little less painful though." James admitted as he leaned down and kissed Edward.

It was their first kiss since the fight. As they kissed the only thing Edward could think was that the kiss didn't have the spark that his and Jasper's did.

* * *

**Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out. Real life, ya know? Anyways my job started about 2 months ahead of schedule so that's why there was such a delay. I will try to post every other week. **

**Anyways for updates on where the story is at or just because you're bored you can follow me on twitter: twitter(dot)com/EmilyBGrimm**


	7. Chapter 7

**Twilight belongs to S. Meyer, I'm just messing with it.

* * *

**

"It makes me uncomfortable." James said as he pushed around his scrambled eggs.

"I know it does and it's completely justifiable, but he's alone. He needs a friend." Edward countered.

"I'm sure he has plenty of friends."

"Plenty of gay friends?" Edward challenged.

"I don't know" James shrugged and continued. "From what you say he only has one gay friend and that's you, which would be fine except for the fact that he likes you. Honestly, if that were the only problem I would encourage you to help him come to terms with who he is, but he has no respect for our relationship and, honestly, I don't think he has much respect for you. He tried to take advantage of you when you were drunk and then puts the blame on you. He fucking kissed you when he knew you're taken. I just don't want you around him; at all."

"He's confused and probably scared."

"Stop defending his actions. He's not a good person." Frustrated, James threw down his fork.

"He's not a bad person." Edward stood and cleared both their plates from the table. "He can be an asshole, but he's got some good in him."

"I doubt that. He's been nothing but an asshole to you."

"Fine. Whatever. You don't want me to talk him, I won't fucking talk him."

"Edward, don't be like that."

"I'm not being like anything. I'm reacting to you trying to be a dictator."

"Edward…" James stopped himself from saying anymore.

The conversation had been going on since they woke up and it was only going in circles. When Edward looked up at James he saw that his eyes were closed and that he was taking long slow breaths, something he did whenever he was trying to fight back tears. At the sight Edward realized that he was wrong in this situation. Logically, Edward knew he would be acting the same way James was if any of James' friends tried to pull the stunt that Jasper did, but for some reason he couldn't help but to feel that James overreacted.

"Look, just let me make sure he's okay and then I won't talk to him anymore, except for this project." Edward said with a sigh. "I need to get to class though."

Gathering his things Edward ran out the door. He made it half way down the hall of the apartment complex before he turned back around. He walked into the kitchen and saw James still sitting at the table, only his head was buried in his hands and he was shaking slightly.

Edward knelt down by James and gently placed a hand on his thigh. He felt James stiffen then relax a little.

"James, baby, I love you and only you. I'm being an idiot right now. I'm sorry. If you're not okay with me talking to Jasper I won't. I don't mind not talking to him; I just wanted to make sure he's got a support system. I don't have to be included in it. He's not the best of friends to me, but the point is that he still is... was my friend."

James shifted so that he was now facing Edward and put a hand on top of the one on his thigh. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't tell you who you can or can't hang out with. This is part of the reason I love you so much. You're so caring and forgiving. If you think he needs it right now then go help him."

"Like I said I'm just going to make sure he's alright and then he's out of our lives. He's caused and is causing too much drama between us and I'm tired of it."

"Please don't give up for friends for me. What type of boyfriend would I be if I asked you to do that?"

"James, you're my priority not him. You make me happy and all I want is to make you happy." Edward said as he kissed James' hand. "And right now I'm doing a shitty job at that. Let me finish this quarter out still speaking to him and after that it's nothing but us. Okay?"

"Okay." James nodded then tugged on Edward's arm so they could both stand "Baby you're gonna be late for class."

"I'm not going." The past couple of weeks had been hard on their relationship and Edward figured that he should spend a few extra hours with James.

"Can we go back to bed then?" James said with a sly smile.

"Yes, we can." Edward laughed, "Let me text my group members and tell them I'll see them at our meeting."

"Mmmk, don't make me wait to long." James whispered into Edward's ear as he ran a hand across Edward's ass.

Edward hurriedly sent out a text to his group and went off to their bedroom to join James. When he got there James was already lying down with his arm strewn over his eyes, he climbed onto the bed and covered James' body with his own.

"I love you so fucking much. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Let's hope you never find out. Right now though, I need you."

The kisses were unhurried as they gently caressed one another. They took their time undressing, appreciating the other's body along the way. At that moment it was about reassurance and love and nothing else. Although the pace remained slow it didn't take long for Edward to start begging and for James to give into it.

Afterwards, the boys curled into each other. Between romantic whispers and loving kisses Edward couldn't help but to feel off. He was frustrated, he was ready to feel comfortable and content wrapped in the arms of his lover.

Later in day Edward met with his group. The tension between him and Jasper was palpable. After the meeting ended Edward approached Jasper.

"You emailed James." He stated.

"I owed it to you."

"Yeah. You did." Edward's tone was cold.

There was a tense silence between the boys and just as Jasper was about to walk away Edward started talking again. "Are you okay?"

"I think so. I'm not great, but what person would be after having their heart broken."

"That's not fair. Just being associated with you is like being on a rollercoaster; you like me, you hate me, you kiss me, then you lie to me and I never know what to fucking feel around you because you can't make up your own mind."

There were people standing around and while Edward didn't mind having this conversation in a room full of people Jasper did.

"Can we please talk somewhere else?"

"I don't know if that would be appropriate."

"We don't have to go anywhere where we'll be alone, just someplace a little more private." Jasper pleaded.

"Answer me a question first. Do you have people you feel comfortable talking to about being gay?" Edward paused for a second then continued, "Besides me?"

Jasper nodded.

"Then I'm gonna be honest with you; I don't think we should be friends."

"What? Why?" A look of shock decorated Jasper's face.

"You don't have any respect for me or my feelings." Edward explained using James' words.

"No, I respect you." Jasper argued. "I know I've messed up when it comes to you, but I don't think what I've done warrants the end of our friendship."

"Jasper, let's be realistic. You've been this way with me since I first came out and I should have never reconsidered building a friendship with you after that."

Letting out a long sigh Jasper brought up his arms then dropped them to his sides in a defeated motion. "Edward, I'm confused. I think I may have been since high school and I'm taking it out on you. I'm not lying when I say you're the only _male_ I've felt this way for."

Edward didn't miss the emphasis he put on the word male; which made Edward start to think that Jasper is just looking to experiment. At that thought Edward let his anger overtake his thinking. _How dare Jasper do this to me; Try to ruin my life so that he can see what it's like to fool around with a guy._

"You know what? I don't really care." Edward spoke without thinking. "I didn't start this conversation with you so that you could proclaim your feelings for me."

"Then why are you talking to me." Jasper asked although he didn't really want to know the answer.

"I wanted to make sure you're okay and that you have people to talk to."

"I have people to talk to." Jasper answered curtly.

"That's good. I'm sorry I can't be here for you during this, but I need to focus on my relationship with James. I can't risk losing him. I hope you understand."

Jasper searched Edward's eyes for something, he didn't know what, but all he saw was honesty behind his statement. Jasper gave a small smile and walked off without saying a word.

* * *

One week passed then two and it was time for finals then Christmas break.

Edward hadn't spoken with Jasper save for group work and even then he tried to keep their conversation to a minimum. Although he didn't talk to Jasper much he took to watching him when he could. There was a sadness about him that Edward didn't like, but did nothing to change. More than a few times Edward wanted to talk to Jasper, to see how he was, but every time he felt guilty. Edward had to keep reminding himself that he needed to be there for James.

In the time that had passed since their conversation in the kitchen Edward hadn't spent a day away from James. He couldn't bring himself to complain about that though. James made him smile and Edward could tell that James was doing everything that he could to make him happy. Though it would be a lie to say that Edward didn't yearn for some alone time. On select nights Edward would feign exhaustion so that he could pretend to sleep and be left alone to his thoughts. As much as he hated to admit it he was starting resent James. Even though he quit talking to Jasper of his own volition he blamed James for it. The resentment only led to more guilt and Edward could feel it all weighing down on him. Finals were up and he found himself actually welcoming them. It gave him something to focus on other than his personal life, which he had decided is hell.

During the week of finals Edward found himself holed up in the library. His solitary study confinement wasn't due to the fact that he couldn't study in his dorm room or at James' place, but rather his need to put some space in between him and James without doing any damage to their relationship. He knew as soon as finals were over he had a week that would be filled with nothing but James and work and Edward didn't want to feel suffocated.

When finals ended Edward feigned illness to keep from seeing James and refused to let James take care of him claiming that he couldn't stand the thought of James getting sick and missing his annual family skiing vacation because of him. Only two days before Edward planned to go home did he see James in person and from the way that James hugged him and peppered his face with kisses he would have that they had been separated from each other for months instead of days. As Edward had expected it to happen James didn't leave his side for those two days unless one of them had to work or use the bathroom. It drove Edward crazy, which only made him feel the guilt and resentment all over again.

It was the night before Edward had to go back to Forks and he and James were in bed doing what lovers do when Edward noticed that something was disturbingly off. He couldn't get himself into it. While he was still aroused and going with act, he wasn't there mentally. Edward was thinking about other men, which wasn't normal at all. Before recent events all he needed was James and no one even existed to him. He tried to push all the others out of his head, but couldn't because, even though it hurt him to admit it, James suddenly wasn't enough.

* * *

Edward stood behind the oversized glass doors of Bellarmine Hall watching the rain come down while he waited for him mom. She had called him on the way over saying she would be delayed because of the traffic, but he decided to wait down stairs nonetheless. When he got tired of standing and waiting for her he sat down in an nearby chair and began to read, hoping it would make time go by faster. He was so caught up in his book when a pair of familiar hands covered his eyes he screamed.

"Malice!" Edward exclaimed when he saw her.

"Sorry it took so long, there was snow and I was running late. Your mom had to wait for me."

"That's okay." Edward smiled and looked around. "Where is mom?"

"She's in the car. She didn't want to get out, it's too cold." Alice explained and then grabbed his hand.

They walked to the car hand in hand and for the first time since he had arrived back from Thanksgiving break he was completely at ease. At one point on their drive back to Forks Edward's mom asked if him and James had gotten over their fight which earned Edward a glare from Alice because he hadn't told her about it. After which he gave her the CliffsNotes version of the drama which seemed to appease her. He decided that his mom didn't need to know about the drama at the rest area, but that he would tell Alice about it when they get some alone time.

The rest of the Drive passed rather quickly. The three stayed up and chatted for a little longer before Edward's mom admitted that it was way past her nightly affair with The Sandman. Before he could even finish bidding his mother goodnight Edward was being tackled to the floor.

Alice kneeled on Edward's chest and had his left nipple in a pinch.

"Now you tell me everything or your nipples are going to be so bruised that a snowflake landing on them with hurt."

"Jesus woman!" He yelled and tried to move, but Alice dug a knee into him. "What type of steroids are you on?"

Alice twisted his nipple and said "I'm not above torturing information out of you."

"I can tell! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Let go of my fucking nipple and I'll tell you everything you want to know."

"Damn straight you will." She laughed before jumping off of him and offering her hand to help him up.

Edward slapped her hand away, stood up and rubbed his nipple lightly, wincing at the action. "God, you're fucking strong for being so tiny."

"Emmett's a big guy; I like to hold my own when we wrestle." She waved him off and then took her place back at the kitchen table.

"Poor man." Edward shook his head.

"Get to storytelling or I'm not gonna let go of your nipple this time." Alice threatened.

Edward proceeded to tell her everything that happened and when he finished he expected Alice to throw a huge 'I told you so' in his face but she didn't.

"Hmm." Alice grunted before standing up and putting some more water to boil.

"That's it? Just a 'hmm'?" Edward asked wide eyed.

"Well… yeah. I can't exactly say I'm surprised. I've thought Jasper was gay for awhile and I know he's an asshole so his actions aren't really out of character." Alice clarified.

"Oh." He didn't want to hear anything else Alice had to say about the situation so he quickly changed the subject. "So how are you and Emmett?"

"We're doing great, now. I thought he was cheating on me with some girl, but he wasn't."

"How do you know?"

"He told me he wouldn't do that to me and I believe him." She shrugged as if her answer was the most logical.

Edward wondered if James would believe him if he said that or if he had ruined that permanently.

Alice left shortly after, promising that she would be back midday so they could go shopping for snacks and prepare for their night of gaming.

True to her word Alice was at Edward's house at the agreed upon time and they headed off to the local grocer. It was during an argument over which kind of chips to get that Alice spotted Jasper and called him over before Edward could protest.

When Jasper got close enough Alice jumped on him, hugging him tightly. "Oh my God it's been forever! How are you? What have you been up too? How do you like college? And Seattle?"

Jasper opened his mouth to reply but Edward beat him.

"Alice." Edward spoke simply.

"Oh I'm sorry. I need to give you time to answer. We're kind of in a hurry to though so you'll have to tell me later. Do you want to come to Emmett's tonight for our little get together? It's just Emmett, Edward and me, but it'll be fun." Alice invited him excitedly.

"I don't think Edward wouldn't take my presence there very well." He looked Edward directly in the eyes as he answered Alice.

Alice looked back at Edward and then at Jasper. "Oh he won't care. He knows better than to argue with me and I want you to there."

"Thank you, but I think…" Alice interrupted Jasper before he could finish.

"Don't even think about declining." The glare she was giving him scared him a bit.

Jasper nodded his head. "Okay, I'll be there."

"Yay!" Alice jumped up and clapped her hands. She turned to Edward "Now let's get going we still have much to do!" With that she pushed the cart away and Edward followed without acknowledging Jasper again.

Once the car doors were shut Edward started yelling at Alice, "What the hell were you thinking?"

"That I want to see how Jasper and you act around each other." She smiled.

"I'm not going tonight, not if Jasper is going to be there." Edward told her.

"Yes, you are." Alice said in a tone of authority. "You owe this to me. You don't keep me updated on your life and I have to find out shit about you through your mom. You are going to let me watch you two interact."

"Alice, please listen. James isn't comfortable with me being around him and I want to respect James' wishes. Don't make me do this to him." Edward knew he was cheating by using James as an excuse, but he was grasping at any straws to not hang out with Jasper.

"I'm going to be there the entire night. You won't do shit with Jasper. I won't let you guys have any alone time. Please do this for me." She requested with wide puppy eyes.

Edward gave in.

It wasn't until he was sitting at Emmett's house anxiously awaiting Jasper's arrival that he regretted not holding his ground with Alice. He tried playing Rock Band with Emmett and Alice, but it did nothing for his nerves. He went outside to play with Emmett's dog, but every time he heard a car drive past he tensed. Finally, Edward ended up sitting on one Emmett's couch drinking some Mountain Dew and munching on Doritos while talking to Emmett about the upcoming college football bowls.

When the door bell rang Edward tried to act as if it meant nothing to him. Jasper walked in said hi to everyone and took a seat on same couch as Emmett and joined the conversation without hesitation. Surprisingly for Edward it wasn't nearly as nerve wracking as he thought it would have been to have Jasper in the same room as him.

The night progressed and the four friends kept themselves entertained in various ways, playing card and video games. At some point Emmett brought out a bottle of tequila saying everyone had to take shots. Edward declined any alcohol offered to him using the excuse that he had to drive home. Alice, however, knew his wasn't drinking because Jasper was there.

She had been watching them the entire night and they danced around each other. She caught Jasper, on many occasions, watching Edward. Edward on the other hand looked like he was making himself look anywhere beside Jasper. During her internal musings about the boys Emmett approached her and started kissing her. Although she had told Edward she wouldn't leave him alone with Jasper, she didn't think he would mind if she were gone for 20 minutes, so she disappeared off into a bedroom with Emmett.

Jasper and Edward sat on Emmett's couch playing Halo 3. They were both so wrapped up in the game that they didn't take any notice to Emmett leaving. It took a ringing phone to pull Jasper from his video game induced trance.

"Dude, your phone is ringing." He said to Edward after he paused the game.

"Shit it is." Edward reached in front of him and grabbed his phone off the coffee table.

Edward didn't bother leaving the couch to talk to the James, the caller.

"Hey baby."

"Hi." James breathed into the phone. "Are you busy right now?"

Edward could tell by his voice that James was looking for some phone sex, but he didn't acknowledge it, "Actually I am over at Emmett's house right now. We're hanging out."

"Who's Emmett?" James asked his voice back to normal.

"Alice's boyfriend." Edward answered in a defensive tone for no reason.

"Edward, why are you getting defensive?"

"You sounded accusatory."

"I didn't mean to I'm sorry. Can you step away from people for a minute?" James' seductive voice was back and at full blast which only pissed Edward off.

"James can I just call you when I get home. I don't get to see Alice and Emmett very often and I wanna hang out with them as much as I can while I'm here." Edward said.

"Yeah, okay, talk to you then." James said real quickly and hung up before Edward could say anything else.

Edward threw the phone on the table and muttered a strung of curses to himself before looking over at Jasper expecting him to resume the game.

Jasper didn't.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, fine." Edward looked around and noticed that both Emmett and Alice were gone. "Where'd the others go?"

Jasper ignored his question. "Was that James?"

"Yes."

"You didn't tell him you're hanging out with me as well." Jasper stated. He didn't mean to say it, but it came out before he could stop it.

"I know." Edward said rather condescendingly.

"Why?" Jasper resumed the game.

"He doesn't want me hanging out with you and I didn't want to start a fight with him since I had no control over you being here." Edward picked up his controller and started playing again.

The boys didn't say anything else to each other and were still sitting silently and playing when Emmett and Alice walked into the living room.

"Woah. The tension is this room sucks. Everyone needs to drink more." Emmett said before heading back to the kitchen to pour more shots.

Alice looked between the two boys on the couch and followed Emmett into the kitchen.

Jasper got up to follow, but stopped in front of Edward and took a big breathe, as if he were preparing himself, and said, "You once told me that you don't lie to James because that's the only reason your relationship works. I just wanted to make sure you know that a lie by omission is still a lie."

Jasper walked into the kitchen to take another shot.

Edward was quite thankful that he didn't drink anything because he left the second all of them were in the kitchen. He ignored phone calls from Alice and Emmett that came soon after he slammed the front door.

Once he was home he called James saying he left soon after because he wanted to talk to him and missed him. James kept telling Edward he loved him and thanked him for going home so early to talk with him. Edward didn't even consider telling James the Jasper was there. He convinced himself it was pointless.

The next morning Edward called Alice and she came over. They drank coffee and he recapped what happened with Jasper. Alice apologized for the entire night and then they let it go. Or at least Edward acted like he did. Jasper's words stuck with him even though he tried to forget them.

* * *

Christmas Eve was upon them and Edward decided that he was going to visit his dad, wish him a Merry Christmas and try to be the bigger man.

The look on his dad's face scared Edward a bit but he sucked up his fear and spoke to his dad. "I just wanted to say Merry Christmas."

"That's funny coming from you." His dad said with a straight face.

"Why's that?" Edward asked cautiously.

"You're mocking Christ by celebrating his birthday. Just your existence mocks him, he died because you're a sinner and you mock his death by choosing to be a fag!" The vein in his dad's forehead popped.

"It's not a choice dad. I was born like this."

"Don't call me dad you don't get the privilege anymore."

"Fine. Fuck you. You say I mock Christ, but you need to look in a fucking mirror." Edward didn't hide his anger this time. "Christ preaches tolerance and love. You don't have any other that, _dad._ Maybe you should try pulling that twig out of your eye before you start preaching to me about the splinter in mine. Like I said, Merry Christmas and I hope everything finds you well."

Edward stared at his dad, who was standing mouth agape. He waited for his dad to reply then walked away when he heard none.

He told his dad what he thought of him and he was proud of himself. He loved the feeling. Now he only wished he could be completely honest with James.

* * *

**Sorry it took me forever to update this. I'll try to be quicker with the next chapter. I hope you enjoyed this one!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Characters belong to S. Meyer, not to me. :( I just play with them.**

**Does anyone still read this? I honestly am sorry it took me so long to update. I'm going to try to get the next chapter out within a month, but I make no promises.  
**

**Once again like every chapter, but the 1st, it is without a beta. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME WHEN YOU SEE THIS HERE INSTEAD OF IN YOUR INBOX PIGSOOOOIE! I just wanted to get it out.  
**

**Now on to the story!  
**

* * *

"Maladjusted you must trust me, darling  
subsequently, you see, you deserve more than me."

-Bitemarks and Bloodstains, Finch

As Edward drove off from his dad's, blood boiling and on the verge of breaking, he let out a furious shout. He was pissed at his dad, at James and mostly at himself. It was Christmas Eve, it was a time to be merry, but for the life of him he could not dredge up a single happy thought. James was smothering at best and, as always, Jasper had him confused about everything in his life. All Edward wanted at the moment was someone to talk to, to confide in and though his first thoughts were of Alice he couldn't go to her. He was blaming her for his current predicament, if she hadn't of invited Jasper then Edward would have went on pretending to be happy with James. As it were, she did invite him and therefore he didn't want her interfering in anymore of his life, like she would if he did talk to her. Unable to think of anyone else reluctantly made his way to his mother's house.

He tried get inside without alerting his mom as entered the house, but two things gave his arrival away; The first being that he all but shattered the windows in the house as he slammed the door, hard. The second being the string of loud curses he let out after he accidently knocked down and broke a vase on the way to the stairs.

"Honey?" Edward's mom called from the kitchen, "You okay?"

"Fine." He answered before running up the stairs to his room, ignoring both the broken vase and his mother's reply.

His room offered him no solace. The anger that had been welling inside reached a fever pitch making Edward feel like he's going to explode. Edward knew that he was about to do something he would regret so he forced himself to lay on his bed and in the midst of his anger he realized he was exhausted. Before his head hit the pillow sleep overcame him.

It wasn't an effective sleep. When Edward awoke he was indeed just as angry, if not more. To add on to his already foul mood he was still tired. He stared into the dark of his room and willed himself to go back to sleep, but to no avail. Time passed slowly and though it felt like hours he knew it had only been minutes. The silence started to weigh in on him, a heaviness on his chest, crushing him into the mattress. He could feel the darkness smothering him; Curling its long, thin, tendrils around his neck, suffocating his every breath. Edward could only think of one thing to do, so he did it.

Edward ran.

He was out of his house and running as fast as he could away from it, as if it were about to explode. When his legs grew tired, he stopped. With each exhale he watched as his breathe turned from vapor to solid, forming a translucent cloud in front of him. He wondered what to do next and wistfully hoped the condensation from his breathe would give him the answer. Then it was as if a light turned on in his head. Edward knew what it was he wanted to do.

* * *

Edward knew it was late, too late to be bothering anyone, but he wanted to do this and he wanted to do it now. He mentally prepared himself for the fight that would come as he jogged to Jasper's house. All the lights were off and more than once he tried to convince himself to just go home instead, but he didn't. Standing outside Jasper's window Edward threw on his brave face and gave a small series of taps to the window.

Nothing happened.

He tried again, tapping on the window harder this time. Edward waited for a few minutes and when no one came to the window he turn around. He was positive that Jasper was still in town being that it was Christmas after all. Lost in his thoughts, Edward was oblivious to the dark form staring at him through the window. It wasn't until he heard the creaking of its' opening that he bothered to turn towards Jasper's window. Much to his surprise he saw a shirtless Jasper staring at him. Edward just stared at Jasper and when he saw Jasper reaching to shut the window he gave a small cough and found his tongue, "Can we talk?"

Jasper nodded, but didn't move from his spot in the window.

"It's freezing out here." Edward stated, "Can we talk in there or go back to my house?"

Again Jasper nodded, but remained still. Edward thought that Jasper didn't hear and just as he was about to ask him again Jasper moved to the side, letting Edward climb through his window. The room looked the same as it had in high school; Decorated with video game and sports posters. Jasper's bed, dresser and desk all in their same spots, for some reason Edward thought the room would have looked different, but it was exactly the same as it always had been. There was an awkward tension in the room and Edward refused to look Jasper in the eyes, or really even look at him. Edward heard Jasper yawn, as it was coming to an end Jasper started speaking.

"You said you wanted to talk and that's good and all, but if you're just going to stand there like a statue you should leave. I'm tired and would like to go back to sleep."

Edward cleared his throat, "Yeah, sorry." It came out as a mumble. Edward stood there opening his mouth as if he we're going to say something and then would close it again. For the life of him he couldn't remember what in the hell he wanted to talk to Jasper about. He tried one more time to gather his thoughts and transform them into words, but failed. Edward took a deep breath, "Look I'm sorry… I should… I'm gonna…" He pointed to the window, "See ya 'round." Fumbling over his own words he made towards the window.

As he passed Jasper he felt Jasper's hand on his arm, gently wrapping his fingers around him to stop him from going any further. "You okay?" Jasper questioned.

Edward didn't know what compelled him to do it. He didn't know if it was the concern in Jasper's voice or the gentle touch of Jasper's hand, but before Edward could stop himself he turned around grabbed Jasper by the sides of his face and kissed him. The kiss was rough and messy. There was too much tongue and too much force, but despite its' imperfections Edward knew it was the best kiss he had ever experienced. He could swear that Jasper's lips gave off little sparks of electricity that shot pure pleasure throughout his body. All too soon he felt Jasper pulling away from him. A feeling of unease settled into his stomach and his thoughts began to turn back to reality. Edward braced himself for several different reactions from Jasper, but the one he received was the one he hadn't expected at all.

He had prepared himself to be yelled at, kicked out and most likely punched. He hoped that Jasper would kiss him, touch him or comfort him, but when Jasper questioned him he was taken aback.

"What about James?"

'What about him?" Edward countered, closing the little distance between him and Jasper.

"Really?" Jasper scoffed and moved across the room. "I don't even know where to start."

"Then don't start." Edward followed Jasper, "Right now I just want you to think of how good I can make you feel.

Edward didn't know where his bout of boldness came from, but he wasn't going to stop to question it. He stood directly in front of Jasper and placed one hand on Jasper's hip and cradled the side of Jasper's face with his other, massaging his cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"You're going to regret this." Jasper said in mild protest.

Edward shook his head and then leaned into kiss Jasper again. This time the kiss was gentle and simple. Lips against lips slow moving and curious. When Jasper gave a small sign Edward took it as his cue to push things a bit further. Edward moved his hand from its' spot on Jasper's hip and began to run it up his stomach to his chest. He left a trail of kisses alongside Jasper's neck as he felt Jasper run his hands down Edward's back and around to his stomach. He looked down and saw Jasper fingering the bottom of his shirt and only slightly startled when Jasper put his hand underneath his clothing. Edward rid himself of his shirt and took a small step back to let Jasper see him.

Edward led them to Jasper's bad and laid Jasper back. Edward didn't let their bottom halves touch. He kept a space between them as he explored Jasper's body with his hands and lips. Jasper began to thrust up in a fruitless effort.

"No." Edward whispered, "Let me do the work, I want to do this to you, for you."

"Yes." An elongated moan slipped passed Jasper's lips and Edward worked himself lower.

He mouthed Jasper's erection throw his pants until he couldn't keep his hips still. Edward leaned back on his knees and quickly pushed Jasper's pajamas down to his knees. He didn't tease Jasper or make him beg, Edward wanted to see Jasper come undone. He took Jasper's cock into his mouth and sucked. He could feel Jasper writhing under him as he felt one of Jasper's hands find purchase in his hair. It wasn't long before Edward felt Jasper tense and then thrust himself deeper into Edward's mouth. Edward opened his mouth as wide as he could and swallowed every bit that Jasper offered him.

"Come up here." Jasper requested after Edward finished.

Edward obeyed. Edward was more than surprised when Jasper grabbed his face and kissed him hard. Flipping them around Edward laid back as he let Jasper explore his body. He sighed and moaned with pleasure from all of Jasper adorations, but when Jasper grabbed him through his pants he wanted to call out a name. Fortune was on Edward's side and he caught himself before he moaned out 'James'.

It wasn't that Edward was pretending that Jasper was James. He was quite aware that he was messing about with Jasper and willing so. What caught Edward by surprise was that he had thought of James at all. Right now was not the time he wanted to be thinking of James. In fact, the goal of this impromptu rendezvous was to forget about James and all the emotional baggage that was attached to him. Edward bit his tongue then said, "Fuck."

Politely as possible Edward got Jasper's attention and pulled him up so that Jasper was next him.

"Jasper." He kissed once. "Jasper, I have to go." Edward kissed him again.

"Why?" Edward purposely didn't look at the expression on Jasper's face as he asked that.

"My mother is going to wake up soon and so is yours. I'd rather not have to explain what's been going on." Edward answered as he sat up.

"Is this a onetime thing then?" Jasper inquired and this time Edward could not stop himself from looking at Jasper.

"I don't know." Edward shook his head.

"What do you mean 'you don't know'? You can't just come here and give me what I've been yearning for and then take it away as if it didn't mean anything." The tone in Jasper's voice was becoming irritated.

"I can damn well do what I please and it's not like you did much to stop this. Don't make me regret my actions, please." Edward tried to keep his voice placating so that Jasper would calm down.

"So, just like that you're gonna become an asshole? Are you going to tell James? Should I? You're always talking about how you have a happy, healthy relationship with James. Is this how you define healthy?" Jasper was on the attack now.

"Jasper, please. Just let me think for today and I promise I will call tomorrow." Edward begged, he was tired and feeling a bit guilty. He just wanted to defuse the situation and go to sleep.

Jasper nodded then said, "Just remember you did this to yourself."

Edward went to kiss him again and Jasper turned his head.

As Edward climbed out the window he heard Jasper say to him, "I'll wait for you."

Edward made it back to his bedroom and was able to get a few hours of sleep before his mother came in to wake him up.

* * *

"Merry Christmas Sweetie!" She said much too loudly for his liking and went to pull his blankets off.

"Mother!" Edward yelled at her, but she just laughed and left his room.

Dutifully Edward drew himself from bed and prepared himself for the day. His Christmas was a rush of family, fun gifts and way too much food. Edward was happy. He hadn't spared a thought for Jasper, James or his father and he wouldn't until he was by himself in bed again.

Much too soon for his liking, his family left and the house was cleaned. It was well past midnight when his mother bid him goodnight and Edward walked into his room. He hadn't looked even looked at his phone that day, that made him fear picking it up. Edward was afraid of the messages he would have. There were a lot of missed calls and plenty more texts. Most from Jasper followed closely by James. As he was looking though his texts he found the later ones from James all expressed worry and concern, as did the ones from Alice. Now, he felt like a tool. It was Christmas Day and he didn't even bother to call his boyfriend. Edward knew James would be upset and worried, so he made the judgment to call him straight away.

"Hello?" James voice sounded wide awake.

"James?" Edward asked.

"Oh you are alive." James tried to make it sound like a joke, but Edward could tell he was upset.

"Hey, I'm sorry I didn't call or text. I couldn't find my phone and you know how holidays are, I didn't have time to look for it." Edward tried to explain.

'Yeah, I guess I do." James conceded and then added, "I miss you Edward."

"I'll be back in a week and then you won't have to miss me anymore." Edward sat on his bed.

"It seems too long, come back now."

"One week and I'm all yours." Edward held his ground. He was sure he could go back tomorrow, but didn't want too.

They continued to talk for a while more before James yawns outnumbered his words. Edward fell asleep quickly after that as well, giving no thought at all Jasper and what was going to happen with them.

* * *

Edward didn't know what to do about Jasper. He loved the way Jasper felt under his hand and in his mouth, but he was ultimately in love with James. James had always treated Edward well and Edward knew that, but James was not Jasper and that was the problem. Logically Edward knew he should just chalk everything that happened with Jasper up as a mistake due to a small emotional breakdown. He couldn't bring himself to do it and he didn't know why. What he did know was that he needed to see Jasper again to figure what the he was thinking.

Edward picked up his phone to call Jasper several times and then put it down before he actually succeeded at doing so. When Jasper picked up right away Edward let out a small breath of relief.

"Are you free to meet up?"

"Yes. You should come over no one's here right now." Jasper volunteered the information a bit excitedly.

"Sounds good." Edward hung up and made his way over.

As soon as Edward had shut the door behind him, Jasper pushed him up against it and kissed him.

"Tell me that you don't want this." Jasper said as he broke away from Edward's mouth.

"I'd be lying if I did." Edward admitted as he moved his head to side offering his neck to Jasper.

"God, you don't know how long I wanted you." Jasper whispered into his neck.

"I think I do, but before we get any further we need to talk."

"No." Jasper replied as he began to kiss Edward again.

"Jasper, seriously, we need to talk."

This time Jasper backed away, but grabbed for Edward's hand as he did. Edward followed Jasper into the living room and sat down next to him.

"Jasper," Edward began, "I really don't regret anything we did, but we can't do it again. Lord knows I want to, but we can't."

"Because of James?" Jasper asked in clarification.

"Partly, but also because you and I are toxic to one another. We bring out the all the bad the other has to offer."

"That's only cuz we haven't been on the same page before. Now we are. Contrary to what you believe we'd make great friends. We were great friends not so long ago." James countered

"Yeah and then you found out I was gay. We've been horrible to one another and actually it's like you've been horrible to me since then." Edward saw Jasper about to say something so he held up his hand and said, "I've forgiven that, but that in no way means we're _great friends_."

"I'll work on it, we can make something between us work." Jasper was begging now. Edward felt Jasper massaging his hand and he wanted nothing more than to bring that hand up to his mouth for a kiss.

"I will not cheat on or hurt James any more than I already have." Edward said solemnly.

There was a type sadness in Jasper's eyes that Edward had never seen before. Then in a quiet voice Jasper said, "I'm sorry about yelling at you yesterday, you know I won't tell James. I won't do that to you."

"Thank you." Edward leaned against Jasper. "Let me get everything figured out with James when we get back and then we'll go from there. Okay?"

Jasper didn't say anything, but simply nodded his head. Edward wasn't looking at him, but he could feel it.

"Just so you know, I'm not invested as I should be." Edward admitted, "Some guy I went to high school has my attention now."

The Sadness that Edward saw in Jasper's eyes disappeared. Edward turned his head to look at Jasper and when Jasper leaned down to kiss him again Edward stopped him.

"Please, not while I'm still with James. James doesn't deserve that." The statement nothing more than a whisper out of Edward's mouth.

"You did it last night." Jasper challenged.

"Last night was by no means a mistake, but it shouldn't have happened like that. I was just angry and confused and tired of always fucking denying myself what I truly want. I'm not going to do wrong by James or by you." When Edward said this he realized that only part of that was true, he was tired of denying himself.

"Okay." Jasper accepted, "Okay, I understand." Then before Edward could reply he added on, "I don't think I can see you without wanting to touch or kiss you. If you want to wait until things with James are settled than perhaps we shouldn't see each other."

Edward frowned, he didn't like the idea, but he knew that Jasper was right. He wanted to argue and say they could hang out with Alice and Emmett together, but decided against that. Edward didn't want to explain to Alice what had gone on between him and Jasper. Jasper was his dirty little secret and Edward intended for it to stay that way.

* * *

Edward spent the rest of his time in Forks bugging Alice and annoying his mother. He talked to James frequently via text or call and thought of Jasper just as often. When he took himself in his hand during his showers Edward thought of Jasper's salacious sounds and stimulating kisses. After he gets out, though, his thoughts went to James with his soft eyes and good heart. Edward wondered what his life would be like without James, but doesn't let himself think about it too hard. It's not a subject that maked him happy and Edward refused to be bothered with it.

Winter break came to a close and Edward couldn't be happier. His break brought him life altering revelations, a renewed sense of confidence and an energy that he couldn't or didn't want to control.

James answered the door to his apartment and let out an undignified squeal as Edward leapt on him, wrapping his legs and arms around him completely.

"I missed you too." James laughed after he caught up with what was going on.

"Mmmhmm." Edward agreed as he kissed James neck, "Next year I'm staying with you."

The smile on James face was made from pure pleasure, "That confident about us, are you?"

"God, yes I am." Edward straightened his shirt after James put him down, "No one else makes me feel like you do."

Edward didn't lie. Not one person made him feel the way James did. Jasper made him feel different than James did, but Edward wasn't going leave James because of that. He knew he wouldn't be able to find someone better than James and the Jasper most definitely was not better than James. Edward decided the moment he saw James that he would stay with him. Remorse about his actions during break was lost on him.

The dinner James made Edward was delicious and their conversation more than entertaining. Edward had worried that he wouldn't be able to keep his semi-affair a secret from James, that guilt would consume him slowly, but the burning he felt last time he purposefully omitted events was fortuitously absent. It was almost too easy to skirt around the truth.

After dinner Edward laid with his head in James' lap as they watched mindless shows and conversed about trivial topics. James gently caressed Edward's side, turning him on a bit more with each stroke. Edward kissed him and mumbled, "Bed now."

The touches were rough and the kisses were rougher. Edward didn't even care that James mostly likely ruined his shirt when he tore it off him, he was consumed by a passion he hadn't felt in a long time. As James fucked him into the bed, Edward let himself think of Jasper. Edward thrust himself back against James even harder and bit his lips until, and after, he tasted blood. It was no surprise to Edward, the strength of his orgasm. He was utterly exhausted and passed out in James almost immediately after.

For weeks they fucked like that, sometimes rough other times, and more rarely, slow and lovingly. That was the way Edward liked it. He liked being fucked by James and pretending it was Jasper. Edward loved the thought of betrayal, he discovered. He loved that he had a secret that was all his. What he did not love or even like was the texts he was receiving from Jasper. The small messages filled with 'Did you do it?' and 'Please, don't make me wait long.'

* * *

Edward was purposefully ignoring Jasper. For all Edward cared this was Jasper's penance for all that he had done to him. Edward wanted Jasper to feel the angst and the hurt. He wanted to make sure Jasper knew what it felt like to be kicked to the ground and have his face rubbed in the dirt, metaphorically speaking of course.

When Jasper finally sought Edward out it wasn't a shock. The timing was a bit inopportune, but not distressing.

Edward was sitting in the cafeteria with Laurent and few other people when Jasper approached him.

"Hey there Edward." Jasper nodded, "Edward's friends." He added on after a second.

"Jasper, long time. How was your break?" Edward said clearly indicating for Jasper to refrain from mentioning their winter rendezvous.

"Yeah, I was wondering if I could talk to you. I'm going through some things that I'm pretty sure only you can relate to." It killed Jasper's pride to say anything like that in front of other people, but he knew it was the only to get Edward's attention.

Edward stood up at that point and pulled Jasper aside. He didn't really know how to answer Jasper in front of his friends. He knew that if he said yes Laurent or someone would tell James, but if he said no he was afraid Jasper would make a scene.

"Yeah, I don't really think that's a good idea." The tone in Edward's voice suggested that he was tired of their chat already.

"You said you would settle things with James." Jasper replied, clearly baffled.

"And we settled things. I am not leaving James. Not for you or any other reason."

"That's not what you said over break." Jasper's voice was suspiciously loud as he spoke.

Edward looked at his friends and inwardly cringed when he saw the contemplative face the Laurent was making as he watched them.

"Dude, shut the fuck up." Edward whispered harshly.

"If you talk to me I will." Jasper bargained.

"I can't right now." Edward tried to sound as if there were no room for argument.

It failed, "Right now or I'm gonna accidently let it slip that you had my cock half way down your throat."

"Fucking talk." Edward was irate.

"Why not me? Why didn't you leave him? You said you would." And just like that Jasper went from threatening asshole to wounded puppy.

Edward shook his head. He should have known better than to get involved in any manner with Jasper, "This is why. What you are doing right now is why I will always choose someone over you. I've said it before, you're an emotional roller coaster and I can't handle that. You're fun for the occasional ride, but overall you're not the greatest attraction at the park, if you get what I mean."

Jasper didn't get it or only chose to hear what he wanted to, "I still want to be with you, even if I have to share. I can keep a secret."

"Jasper, I can't. We messed around a few weeks ago, once. Let's leave it at that. Maybe I'll be able to offer you friendship in the future, but not right now." Edward knew that was a lie. He was okay if he never talked to Jasper again. Sure he wanted to be fucked and to fuck him but his imagination and James got the job done well enough.

"Fine then." Jasper walked away.

It wasn't for another couple of minutes, but he got a text from Jasper, short and simple, 'If he bores you, I'm always willing to entertain."

* * *

The next few days pass quickly, filled with classes and steamy bedroom sessions. It wasn't until James came back from hanging out with Laurent that the fighting started.

"I have a question to ask you." James stood in front of the television interrupting Edward's viewing.

Edward gave a small laugh, "Okay, is it 'would you like it if I did a strip tease for you?' because the answer is most definitely yes."

"Who did you really hang out with over break?" James' voice was accusatory.

"Alice, Emmett and my mother." Edward shrugged trying to keep himself from paling. He knew Laurent heard Jasper other day.

"Really, that's not what I heard. Someone told me you saw Jasper." James' inhaled deeply.

"Well, yeah I saw him. Alice and I ran into at the store, but it wasn't a big deal." Still trying to keep his calm guise, Edward stood up and walked to James

"Stop lying to me, please." James begged and Edward caved.

"Okay here's what happened. Alice and I ran into Jasper at the store and she invited him to hang out. He accepted. It was the night you wanted me to leave my Alice's house early so that we could talk and if you remember I did." Edward spoke so fast that it took James a minute to comprehend what he was saying.

"Then why didn't you tell me Jasper was there. I asked and you purposefully left him out." The offense in James' voice was nearly overpowering.

"I didn't want us to fight and it's not like I was alone with him. I didn't even want him there, but Alice insisted." Edward countered.

"You could have told me or better you could have stayed away for the evening." There it was, the one thing that pissed Edward off; James trying to dictate his friends.

"I didn't want too! I hardly get to see Alice and I wanted to hang out. I wasn't going to let Jasper stop me. Or you. I just wanted to have a good time with Alice and between you and Jasper it didn't happen." All the anger Edward had buried was starting to rise again.

"Don't blame me for that, you left early of your own accord."

"No, I left early because you got all pissy that I wanted to hang out with my friend instead of having phone sex with you!" Edward was determined to not be the bad guy in this argument.

"Well, what did Jasper want to talk about? How come you didn't tell me you talked to him?" James changed his route.

"He was having a bit of a crisis with a boy and I didn't tell you cuz I didn't think it mattered. Laurent, who I know told you all this, saw it all."

"He also saw you pull Jasper away to talk to him so they couldn't hear what you two were talking about."

James was going into territory that Edward didn't want to explore. All the anger that he had been keeping at bay he let out.

"I am done with you attacking me! You're always questioning me when it comes to Jasper. It was one fucking kiss! He initiated it and I was so drunk I thought he was you! I can't handle that you don't trust me!" Edward was in the wrong and he knew it, but he was going to take his anger out on James anyways.

"That's not what" James began, but couldn't finish.

"It is what you are saying!" Edward was red in the face from yelling, "I'm going to walk and calm down. I'll talk to you later."

Edward was out the door before he heard what James was said in return.

Apparently anger made Edward do things that he knew he shouldn't. He sent a message to Jasper.

'Feel like entertaining me?'

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :) **


	9. Chapter 9

**Everything belongs to S.M. I just like to play with them. **

* * *

I'm left here asking,  
when did I trade in my  
bleeding heart for a selfish win?  
-Vices, Dead Poetic

Chapter 9

"James, I love you. You know that, right? You know you mean everything to me, yeah?" Edward took a deep breathe. "Fuck!"

It was wrong. He placed his hand on either side of the bathroom sink and leaned forward before trying again.

"James you amaze me and I would be nothing without you." Scoffing as he shook his head Edward knew this would be hard. He just didn't know how hard.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" Edward said to his own reflection. He brought the palm of his hand to his temple hard. "Reassurance is not the point; I need to work on confessing."

Nothing was how it was supposed to be. Edward's life was nothing more than a tangled web of lies, ones that he spun himself and was now hopelessly caught in. Edward cinched his eyes and forced himself to focus. With a determined sigh he looked his reflection in the eyes.

"I messed up, I made a huge mistake. I cheated on you." The words came out hurried and mumbled, but it was the first time that he had been able to get them out at all. The slight sense of relief he felt was immediately replaced with disgust. He watched the color drain from his face and he didn't think he'd be able to say them aloud again.

Edward opened his mouth, but without sound.

"_I am so stupid! I won't be able to say that. It was stupid of me to think that I could. I cannot do this." _He thought.

As Edward was about to walk out of the bathroom he stopped. "_I owe this to James._" He walked back to the mirror and without thinking the words came out a second time. His voice was rough and the words still harsh, acid against his tongue, but he had done it. He would do it. Edward would tell James everything and he hoped above all else that James would be able to forgive him.

Repeatedly Edward confessed to his reflection, the words began to come out more cohesively, but they still tasted bitter. He had resigned himself to the fact that no amount of practice would make the confession easier. This was, in fact, the most challenging thing Edward had to do in his life.

There were still a few hours until Edward would see James. His nerves were already shot and he had no idea what to with himself. At first Edward tried to play a video game, but he couldn't muster the attention for it. Then he thought he would go to the gym and work out, but he couldn't get the motivation to even change into gym clothes. Edward finally resigned himself to restlessness. He was just going to try to sit out his nerves at home, but then his phone chirped.

"_U free?"_

Jasper.

Edward groaned. Really it was perfect timing, with Jasper it always seemed like perfect timing. Edward knew he shouldn't go, he should stay away.

He can't.

For weeks they have been meeting up; in the middle of the day, before class or after; quick trysts for an hour or two. It was wonderful and infelicitous. If not for the guilt experienced every time James said "I love you." and the adoring touches James always bestowed upon him, Edward would have no qualms with his current arrangement. However, the guilt was ever present and only forgotten when he was lost in Jasper.

Logically he shouldn't reply back at all, but logic has never been his closest friend.

"I have a couple of hours, your dorm or mine?"

Edward told himself it was justified. _I need to do this, see him this one last time. Say goodbye, give him some closure and wish him the best._ He was an expert liar now.

* * *

Jasper's hand slid up Edward's chest, catching on his nipple before snaking up his neck to cup his cheek. "Kiss me" his panted above Edward, thrusting slowly, deeply.

Edward complied stretching his neck, meeting Jasper's lips, sighing against them and it was perfection. Not a single thing mattered to Edward, expect for Jasper. He turned his head and licked at the wrist of the hand on his cheek. "Faster, I need you to go faster." It was a demand.

It wasn't long until Jasper collapsed on Edward. They both lay there catching there breathe, letting the sweat dry. When Jasper tried to roll off Edward stopped him.

"I like the weight." He said in a quiet, almost shy voice.

Jasper nodded and rested his head in Edward's neck. He placed soft kisses along it that made Edward mewl. At the feeling of Edward's dick swelling against him, Jasper pushed himself up.

"Do you want me to turn around?" Edward asked with a lascivious smile.

"No," Jasper rolled off of Edward, slung an arm around Edward's waist and propped his head up on his hand, "all we do is fuck. Is it okay if, for right now, we just talk?"

Edward smiled, nodded and snuggled closer to Jasper. Inwardly, he was freaking out. Jasper wasn't supposed to want to talk. They were supposed to physically pleasure each other and that was it. Though Jasper ignited something him that James hadn't even come close to, he didn't want a relationship outside of sex with Jasper. He didn't trust him enough for that.

"Hi." Jasper whispered.

"Hey."

Jasper's eyes wandered over Edward's body. He hummed in appreciation.

"I'm sorry." Sincerity was painfully clear in Jasper's voice.

"For?" Edward was honestly confused.

"For how I treated you in senior year, for being an ass when you started dating him." It was an unspoken rule, James' name wasn't allowed when they were together.

"Water under the bridge, you know that."

"I know, but I feel as if you don't believe me sometimes, and I want you to…" Jasper paused searching for the right words, "No, I need you to believe me. I've found myself now and I know I could give you what you need."

Edward sat up and moved himself to the edge of the bed wordlessly.

"Say something." Jasper's voice pleading.

Now was the time for Edward to tell Jasper that he was going to tell James everything. That it was the end of them.

Just as Edward opened his mouth, Jasper spoke. The words were quiet, unconfident. Edward heard them loud and clear, all the same though.

"I think I love you."

Edward felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Those were the last words he expected to come out of Jasper's mouth. He squeezed his eyes shut and desperately tried to think of a reply. It must have taken too long because Jasper started talking again.

"I don't expect you to say it back, or really even feel that towards me, but I needed to tell you. It's why you need to believe that I'm sorry, because if I ever have a chance with you, you need to know that I'm sorry and I can and will work hard to be someone you can be proud. That I will treat you right, that"

He was cut off when Edward kissed him. Unable to think of a single thing to say, Edward did the only thing that would shut Jasper up. The kiss wasn't all consuming; in fact it was the last thing Edward was thinking about. He didn't know how he was going to get out of the situation without making it into a bigger mess. Edward thought through several scenarios and each one left him hated and alone. Then as Jasper was pulling away it came to him.

"I'm telling James about us." Edward said after their kiss.

"You are?" Devastation was written all across Jasper's face.

At the sight of Jasper's face, Edward shook his head, gave Jasper a smile, and squeezed his hand.

"You mean? You're? For us?" Jasper didn't finish a single sentence, but the smile that he wore told Edward that Jasper understood.

"He'll be home soon." Edward kissed Jasper again. "I'll call you tomorrow, possibly tonight depending…"

Edward dressed and left Jasper in his dorm; letting him think that he was breaking up with James for him. It wasn't fair for him to treat Jasper like that, but it was insurance for him and that's all he really cared about. He smiled, either way he was going to keep one. If James left him then he would run to the open and waiting arms of Jasper and if James forgave him, well he would have to deal with that then.

* * *

Edward arrived to James' apartment early enough for him to shower and open some text books to make it look like he'd been studying the entire day. He was sitting at the kitchen table staring blankly at a management book when James walked through the door.

"Hey baby." James says as he walked to stand behind Edward and rub his shoulders, "Studying hard?"

"It might as well be in a different language right now." Edward replied before tilting his head back to look at James.

James leaned down and kissed Edward. "Mmmm, just what I needed." He mumbles into Edward's mouth.

"You have a good day?" Edward asked as he started clearing off the table.

"It was alright, classes and work. You?" Although James had been the one gone all day working and going to classes he still wanted to pamper Edward, who had an easy day at home.

Edward wasn't oblivious to the wonderful treatment James gave him, which made him taking it for granted all that much worse. "Stressful," at least he wasn't lying he thought himself, "what should we have for dinner. I'll cook." It was a quick change of subject; Edward knew he wouldn't be able to life if James asked him to elaborate.

At this point Edward was willing to do most anything to put off having to tell James. He took his time thinking of what to make and actually making it. The longer he procrastinated the longer he would get to keep his life uncomplicated.

Edward had cooked lemon chicken and they shared a quiet dinner; quiet enough for James to make mention of it.

"Edward, are you feeling alright? You're quiet tonight." Concern laced every word.

"Just stressed. Hey why don't you go find something for us to watch while I clean up real quick?" Every passing minute was torture for Edward, but even the thought of the upcoming conversation was pure hell. Edward was determined to delay at long as possible finding the torture a form of absolution.

That was bullshit and he knew it, he was just a coward.

"Let me help you." James insisted.

"No, you go relax. I'll be there in a minute." Edward practically pushed James onto the couch as he declined his offer. He stalked back into the kitchen and lost in his own thoughts

_You will go sit on that couch and talk. James is a good person, he will forgive you._ Edward tried to tell himself. _Who am I kidding? James won't forgive me. He's going to hate me. I'll lose him forever._ It took a lot of effort to keep from hyperventilating. _Just do it. Just do it and if he does hate you at least you have Jasper. _ Edward hated himself for even thinking that.

Edward didn't give himself time to think after that. He put the dishes in the sink and went to sit next to James.

James, ever aware of Edward, noticed something was off. "Hey, what's bothering you?"

Taking a big breathe Edward readied himself, "I love you." _Shit, not what I meant to say_.

"I love you too. What's wrong? You can"

"I cheated." Edward didn't let James finish his sentence. He couldn't let James worry about him right now, not when he was about to ruin what they have. It wasn't the elongated confession he had practiced in the mirror, but at least he had said it.

The look on James face was disbelief, "What?"

"I love you so much and I really messed up." Tears were building in Edward's eyes. He tried to blink them away, but they fell instead of retreating.

"I don't understand. When? With who?" Hurt and angry James moved away from Edward.

"Don't… Don't do this to yourself, please."

"Don't do what?" James practically yelled. "Don't make you talk about this?"

"Does it matter? I told you about it. I'm sorry." Edward knew he shouldn't get upset and that he should accommodate James, but he couldn't stop himself for getting defensive.

"Does it matter? Really?" Incredulously James replied.

Then he held up a hand at Edward to keep him from replying. He looked down at his feet, shaking his head. When he spoke he was eerily calm. It made Edward wish he would have answered James. A calm James in the heat of an argument was a James that worried Edward. It was the same James that wanted a break the first time they fought, he was positive he would want more than a break this time around.

"Who did you fuck?"

"Jasper." A single word, barely a whisper.

"When?"

Edward looked at James only to find his face stoic. He couldn't read any emotion from him. Before answering Edward tried to touch James hand, but James recoiled.

"When?" James asked again.

"About a month after Christmas break." He took in a shaky breath and tried to wipe away some of his own tears with his fingers.

"For how long?" James' voice hitched on the last word.

This time when Edward looked at him he could see several small wet streaks on his cheek.

"James, please. I'm sorry. We had a fight and I got mad. I did something stupid and it will never, never happen again." Edward tried to scoot closer to James, but he moved off the couch and started pacing.

"Can't you just be honest with me? You've been lying to me for months."

"Do you really want to know?"

"No," James sank to the ground, "but I need to know."

"I'll tell you everything, but can I please hold your hand, please?" Edward wasn't above begging.

James shook his head, Edward understood.

"It started the night that we fought after Laurent told you about Jasper approaching me in the cafeteria. Like I said we fought and I was angry and hurt that you didn't trust me, so I went to Jasper figuring that if you didn't trust me I might as well give you a reason not to."

"How dare you." James hissed, "Don't you dare try to turn this on me."

"I'm not." Edward implored. "I love you, I really do. I know I don't deserve you, but I need you."

"When was the last time you saw him?"

Edward didn't want to answer this question. He wanted to lie and say the last time he saw Jasper was the first night he cheated, but he knew James wasn't stupid. That James would see right through the lie. "Earlier today, to break it off."

"Did you fuck him goodbye?" Edward could tell James was crying.

"James."

It was enough for James to know that Edward had.

"James, I love you. I only love you. I made a mistake. I know this, I'm so sorry." Tears were running freely down his cheeks and his words were interrupted in between sniffles.

James got up grabbed his coat and stopped at the door. "I'm staying with Laurent tonight. I want you to pack up your shit and be out of my apartment in the morning."

"James, please!" Edward was almost hysterical. He jumped off the couch and ran to the door to stop James.

"You disgust me. You're selfish and cowardly and I want nothing to do with you." Each word out of James' mouth was a dagger straight into Edward's heart.

Edward stopped just short of arm's length from James. "Okay," he nodded, "okay, I'll be gone in the morning. Just please text me when you get to Laurent's so I know you're alright."

James nodded, but didn't say anything as he left Edward alone and crying in his apartment.

The door didn't slam, but closed with a quiet click. Edward stared in disbelief. James' didn't just walk out on him, did he? He didn't even say 'I love you.' They've never had an argument where they didn't at least assure each other of their feelings. His legs felt like jelly as he walked back into the living. James wanted him gone. Edward had no clue where to start.

He looked around the living room he counted three pictures of them smiling at each other, kissing each other, holding each other. Their entire movie collection was mixed and he wasn't quite sure what ones belonged to him anymore. The living room wasn't the place to start packing, he moved to the bedroom.

Clothes were easier. He knew what ones were his. Those were easy enough to through in a garbage bag. When he was done unloading the closet he looked at the garbage bag, he saw it was almost full and he hadn't even gotten to the dresser yet. It was a complete surprise to him how much of his stuff was at James'. Edward didn't have any recollection of bringing so much stuff over, but then he realized he brought things over little by little as he started to stay there more and more; that this was what a little over a year of basically living with someone looked like.

Edward couldn't take it anymore. He started crying again, he wanted James to hold him, to forgive. He knew he didn't really love James, not passionately like a lover should. Still he hurt though. James meant a lot to him and he had knowingly hurt him. Edward could have gotten away with this affair, James would have never found out, but his guilt wouldn't allow that.

Missing James so much, Edward went to the bed and laid on James' side. Hugging James' pillow to his face, breathing his scent, hoping it would alleviate the pain.

Edward was almost asleep when his phone chirped, sure it was James' he raced for it.

"Everything go alright?"

Much to his disappointment it was Jasper. It was the first time Jasper text since they started their affair that he wasn't eager to reply. Edward decided he wouldn't reply, not tonight. He needed tonight to himself to think. _Not that that's ever a good idea for me._ He admitted.

At least he had Jasper though; if for nothing else but to keep the loneliness at bay. Tomorrow he would talk to Jasper. Tell him some story about how he left James for him; make him believe that he they are meant for one another, but not tonight. Tonight is for figuring out why he already misses James' so much and to figure out if he can get him back.

* * *

As soon as James shut his door he let out the breath he had been holding. There was a hurricane of emotions inside of him and he had no energy left in him to sort them out. Trying to keep his mind on other things he made is way over to Laurent's house; he didn't want to actually bother Laurent with his problems, he just needed to get away from Edward. There was no way that James was going to let himself show up at Laurent's door acting like an emotional wreck. Laurent had warned him about Edward and Jasper and James refused to listen, he wasn't about to let Laurent rub it in his face.

Despite his best efforts, James' emotions surfaced less than halfway to Laurent's house. All at once James felt like his couldn't breathe and his knees were going to give out. He couldn't decide whether heartbreak or anger took command. The thought that Edward could do this to him made him want to fall to his knees and sob. James wanted to rip his heart out so he couldn't feel it tear any more.

There was so much in anger in him that he wanted to scream and punch the closest thing to him. He couldn't tell if the anger in him was more towards Edward for treating him with such ill respect or at himself for being so blind to the obvious. Either way he was angry because of both. He should have known when Edward asked for more space, he should have known when Edward came back to him smelling of other men and most importantly he should have known by the change in Edward's sexual behavior. How aggressive he became always demanding more and never looking him in the eye.

Contempt then rose to the top followed closely by hatred, both of which pushed James to the decision that he wasn't going to take the cowardice way out of this. He wasn't going to let Edward just get off with a bit of separation and a few apologies. James was going to make him see the consequences of his actions. He wanted him to see the pain he was causing and he wanted to know how it was possible for him to do this if he loved him at all. James turned around; he wasn't going to hold back for Edward. He was going to show Edward every emotion he felt, he was going to tear himself open and let Edward observe his emotions in their raw state, his soul without filter.

On his way home James passed an alley and in it several men. It was late, and knowing his neighborhood, he knew that this could be trouble. He picked up his step and put his hand in his pocket trying, stealthily, to ready his pepper spray. As he had feared would happen he heard footsteps falling behind him. He picked up his pace again. His apartment complex was in sight and he considered running to it, but didn't, knowing it would only give his followers indication of his fright. The footsteps behind quickened there pace as well. James risked a look over his shoulder and to his dismay found three rather intimidating looking men behind him.

"Ay bro, you got a few extra bucks to spare?" One of the men said loudly enough for James to hear him.

James didn't acknowledge him and kept walking.

"I asked you a question!" The same man yelled.

James still didn't pay him any attention.

He heard the footsteps grow louder and more closely together and just as he deduced they had started running he was tackled to the ground.

"Pockets." The one pinning him to the ground barked at one of the other men.

"You can take my wallet, phone… Everything, please just don't hurt me." James was sobbing.

"Shut the fuck up! Say another word and I'll put a gun in your mouth." The man threatened and by the tone of his voice James knew he was completely serious.

"Close your fucking eyes." One of the men told James, he did as he was told.

"The bracelet, get the fucking bracelet." One of the men said referring to the pick holder Edward had gotten him for his birthday. Before he could stop himself James yanked him arm away from the man and tried to curl it underneath him.

He realized his own stupidity and whimpered at his actions. It was just a bracelet, Edward would understand why he had let them take it. James screamed and his eyes shot open when he felt the sharp pain in his arm as the man wrestled it from underneath him.

"Fuck he saw me!" He told the man pinning him.

"I didn't! I swear I didn't" James didn't get through his protest; he was stopped by a fist to his jaw.

All James could think about was how he just wanted to make it back to Edward. He would grant pardon to Edward's actions with no question, if only he could make it back to him.

A kick to his side made him groan and cough. He felt someone stomp on his back and he let out an agonizing cry. He didn't know how long they spent kicking, stomping him; it could have been a second or an eternity. It wasn't until he received a kick to his head that he tried to curl into a ball on his side to protect himself. They rolled him onto his back and he feared the worst. His vision blurred when he opened his eyes again.

No one said anything this time. Another hard kick to his side did nothing to him but move him over. He couldn't even feel it any more. A coppery taste filled his mouth and when he tried to rid himself of it, he couldn't find the strength to spit. Instead the thick liquid made its' way back down his throat. There was too much to swallow. He rolled onto his stomach to keep from choking. James weakly sputtered and the horror of the situation hit full on when the cement began to blush.

He tried to plead for his life again, but couldn't talk through liquid in his mouth. He gave up when he couldn't stop spitting it out. His blurred vision began to darken and his thoughts fogged.

"_I love you."_ He thought, willing Edward to hear it.

There was a pressure on his chest, making it harder for him to breathe. He tried to suck in as much air as he could, but found it tainted with blood. He coughed and tried to turn to his side, but the pressure on his chest increased, rendering him motionless.

A grimace crossed his face, but turned to a smile when he realized there wasn't any more pain, only pressure. _Pressure, but no pain; is this was dying feels like?_ He wondered. It was his last thought before he felt nothing at all.

* * *

**Please don't hate me. At least it didn't take me a year to update this time. Hopefully the next chapter won't either. Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it.  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"**We walked and I said nothing. I didn't want to hurt the mood. I know we can't outrun them, but those flowers smell so good; those wolves in the garden." – The Deadly Syndrome**

Edward woke from a restless sleep. His head hurt as did his stomach, nauseas and uneasy. He looked at his phone. It was way too early to be up and the last thing he wanted to do was get out of bed and start packing up a substantial part of his life. So much of his life, his personal growth, had been with James. Edward wasn't ready to give James up. Still he forced himself out of bed and made his way to their dresser. Fighting with James wouldn't make him forgive; Edward knew he'd have to give him his space. That he'd have to show James he did love him through other means.

He stood in front of the dresser assessing everything strewn across it. Cuff links, a couple of watches, a dirty baseball cap that belonged to James. Edward hated it, but now he gently ran his fingers over it, hoping that he'd get to see it on James again. Unwilling to let himself breakdown again, Edward packed his clothes from the dresser. He decided he wasn't even going to bother with the things in the living room. They would serve as an excuse to see James. It seemed like it took forever to get his belongings to the dorm room. When he was done, Edward sat on his bed, feeling empty.

It didn't escape Edward's notice that James' hadn't texted him. Edward was worried, but warred with himself about contacting James. Logically, he knew he should give James time to contact him. He didn't. He wanted to hear James' voice, even if it was only for a minute and even if it sounded upset. Edward caved and called James. The call went directly to voice mail. He didn't bother leaving a message. Edward let himself break down and cry, thinking James was so angry with him that he couldn't even leave his phone on due to the chance they might have to talk.

It was early evening and there was no call from James. Edward tried calling again and, like before, it went directly to voicemail. Even though they fought, James wasn't cruel enough to not let Edward know when he arrived at Laurent's. Just as he was debating calling Laurent Edward got a call from James' father. He couldn't think of a reason why Burt would be calling him, so he ignored it. A few seconds later Edward's phone beeped. Then it came to him, the only reason that Burt would call his would be if he couldn't get ahold of James. He's done it a few times before, but only when it was an important. This meant that James wasn't picking up his phone for his dad either. A sense of relief flooded Edward. It also meant that James just didn't want to talk. That was a good thing to Edward, there was still hope if James didn't want to talk to anybody as opposed to James just not wanting to talk to him.

The hope that James was ignoring everybody was small, but it was enough for Edward. He decided he was going to call Laurent, just to check on James. It would be enough, for now, knowing James was alright and Laurent would be able to tell him that. Laurent wasn't petty enough to keep that from him. Edward didn't get the chance to dial Laurent. Burt was calling again. A single call from Burt was unusual, but not unheard of. Two calls from him in less than five minutes set an alarm off in Edward's head.

A ball of uneasy tingling formed in Edward's stomach and spread quickly to his chest, panic. Something serious was wrong if Burt was calling a second time. Hesitantly, Edward picked up the phone.

"Hello?" He aimed for a statement, but a question came out instead.

"Edward?"

"Yeah, if you're" He didn't finish his sentence because he could hear Burt whisper "he's alright." to someone.

"Edward, where are you?" There was something wrong with Burt's voice. He's jovial sound was definitely dampened, he sounded sad. It was the first time Edward ever heard him sound like that.

"I'm in my dorm, but I'm not with James." He said, sitting on his bed and wondering what was going on.

He heard Burt inhale and let out a shaky breathe. "I know." Burt finally said.

"_How did he know?" _Edward questioned himself and then a horrible though occurred. James told his parents and Burt was calling to berate him for treating James so badly. Edward was instantly mortified. He didn't understand why James would embarrass him like that.

"Edward?" He must have been quite too long.

"Sorry," Edward said quickly, "what can I do for you?" He was going to act nonchalant until Burt brought it up.

What came out of Burt's mouth next was not what Edward was prepared to hear. "Edward, James got mugged last night."

"What?" Edward was positive he heard him wrong.

"James got mugged last night and" Edward cut Burt off.

"Okay, is at a hospital? Which one? I'll be there as soon as possible?" Edward was in a frenzy. He had the phone to his ear waiting for Burt's reply as he looked for his shoes and keys.

"Burt, which hospital are you at?" He asked, sounding more irritated than hurried.

Edward stopped moving when he heard the sob and then "He didn't make it."

The phone fell to the phone and Edward stumbled to catch it. He picked it up, "Burt?"

"We just" Edward knew Burt was trying to collect himself. "We just confirmed it was James a few hours ago. We didn't know if you were with him or not. You're safe though, you're good."

Good was the last thing that Edward was. "I don't believe you." Edward couldn't manage saying anything else and he didn't even want to say that.

"Edward, I'm sorry. My boy, my son." Burt was close to losing it.

"Burt, I need, I'll call you back." Edward hung up the phone. It was at that exact moment that Edward became familiar with devastation; a tragic kiss upon the corner of his lips.

James wasn't dead. He couldn't be. They fought, he left for Laurent's. He was supposed to be at Laurent's. He wasn't dead. Edward didn't understand why, but Burt was lying. James, his James, was not gone. Edward picked up his phone and called Laurent.

"Hey Edward."

"Laurent, I don't mean to be rude, but is James there?"

"No, haven't even talked to him today. Tell the bastard to call me when you talk to him though, he hasn't replied."

Edward didn't bother saying goodbye. He just hung up the phone and in a final act of desperation called James' phone again. Like every other time it went directly to voicemail. He tried again, numerous times, each time like the one before. With each call he found himself listening to James' voicemail a bit longer. "_Hey, you've reached James. Leave me the good stuff and I'll get back to you." _His voice was happy and healthy.

Edward broke. "James." He whimpered. His name was on repeat. A gentle exhale passing Edward's lips taking his soul with it. Edward stared blankly at the wall opposite him, lost in shock and completely oblivious to his phone continuously ringing next to him.

_He's back in his freshman philosophy class. Smiling at a note James passed him, feeling relieved that he wasn't the only one struggling. He didn't think much of James then, just a potential study buddy. It wasn't until his drunken admission that Edward actually thought of him. He remembered their first date on at Dicks. Everything about them was easy. The progression of their relationship was easy and natural. Then he's standing in front of James telling him he kissed Jasper. _

That's the moment he hears his phone ringing again. Laurent. He wondered how long he'd been lost in thoughts.

"Hey, Laurent." Edward answered only faintly shocked at the steadiness in his voice.

"Hey, you hung up on me and didn't call back. Everything alright?"

Now was the time to tell him, to let Laurent know that James wouldn't return his calls. Ever. If he did that it would be admitting that James was gone. Edward wasn't willing to accept that, not yet at least.

"No, it's not. Nothing's alright, but I don't wanna talk about it." Had Edward been honest it was more that he wasn't able to talk about it, not yet.

"Are you sure?" Laurent inquired, he was James' friend not Edward's, but it didn't matter. Laurent cared, if only for that fact that James cared.

"Yeah, I'll talk to you later." Irritation riddled Edward's voice.

"Okay, don't forget to have James call me. Later." With that Laurent hung up.

He dialed James again, "_Hey, you've reached James. Leave me the good stuff and I'll get back to you."_ Edward whimpered then said "James, I love you." He knew it was pointless, but he needed to say it. He tried convincing himself that just saying it to James' voice was enough. Edward failed horribly at it.

An anguished sob escaped Edward and it was like a dam broke. Tears rained freely down his cheeks. He buried his face in his hands and did nothing to calm his crying. James was gone, dead. If only James has stayed in the house, if he had been willing to discuss Edward's infidelity. Then it hit Edward, all but knocking the wind out of him. "_This is my fault_." Edward thought to himself. _"James is dead because of me. I told him the truth and he left because of me. He couldn't handle being in the same room, under the same roof as me. I killed him. I killed my James."_

The ache in his chest magnified and he couldn't breathe. Between the weight of his guilt and his sobbing gasps Edward literally could not breathe. He fell to the floor, touching his head to the floor, and trying to open his airways. It was to no avail. Edward felt lightheaded. There was a fogginess to his brain and he could swear the edges of his sight were growing darker. None of that mattered though, he knew he was the reason that James died and at that moment he wanted nothing more than to join him. The fog in Edward's head grew denser and Edward surrendered himself to it.

"_You disgust me. You're selfish and cowardly and I want nothing to do with you." James told him right before walking out._

_Burt's talking now, "He didn't make it."_

Edward woke up. For a second there was a euphoric feeling, until he realized his world was crashing around him. He was on the floor. Looking for his phone, he unlocked it and found the time. It was close to eleven. There was nothing he could do, nothing he wanted to do except for sleep. He moved to his bed, closed his eyes and hoped he would dream of James.

* * *

He's had a headache from the second he woke up. It had been a few hours, but he couldn't make himself move from bed. When he deemed it an appropriate time to call anyone he phoned Burt.

"Hello, Edward?" From the sound of his voice Burt had also been awake.

"Please, tell me you lied to me yesterday." Edward pleaded through tears over the phone.

"Oh Edward. Where are you? I'm coming to get you." Burt said. He didn't know how Burt sounded so put together. Edward was a mess and he had only known James a few years. Burt was his father. He couldn't understand how Burt wasn't torn apart.

"In my room." Edward tried, but failed at keeping his voice steady.

"I'll be there in half an hour."

Edward didn't have a chance to protest. He knew he should said call Burt back and tell him not to bother. They wouldn't want anything to do with him if they knew that he was the reason James died.

Burt picked up Edward; the ride to Burt's house was quite. Still, Edward found an odd comfort in being with someone who understood what he was feeling.

The rest of his day was just as exhausting and painful as the previous one. Burt had asked him to inform their friends about James. He was honest in telling Edward that he didn't think he could handle it. Edward started with Laurent.

Laurent broke down as Edward had expected. The blade of guilt kept tearing him open with each phone call. Every time he looked at James' mother or Burt he felt another stab of guilt.

After several calls Edward realized he hadn't even told his mom or Mona. He didn't even think he had it in him to make one more call. It was his punishment, he supposed, for killing James, that he should inform everyone and listen to their hearts break as they registered the news. There was no absolution in it.

Edward looked at Burt and Mary. Burt was looking at photos of James, while Mary busied herself with cleaning. He could see her tears from where he sat and decided that calling his mom would be less painful than watching James' parents. Edward excused himself from the room only to go lock himself inside their bathroom.

The phone rang two times before his mom picked up the phone. "Hey honey." Edward had never found her voice so soothing. His voice broke the second he heard her.

"Mom, I need you." Edward's voice was shaky at best. He was trying to keep the tears out of it, so he wouldn't have to repeat himself. "Momma, James was murdered 2 nights ago. I need you to come to Seattle, please." This time he couldn't stop himself from crying.

"Oh, Edward." Her heart broke from him. "I'll be there tonight. Do you need me to bring anything?"

Never in his life had he been more thankful for his mom then right now. She didn't try to find out what happened or bother him over the phone. No, she just said she would be over soon. For that he was beyond grateful.

"No, just come be with me." He said with a strangled voice. "Call when you get here. I'm staying at James' parents."

"Alight, I'll be there soon. I love you." She said just before hanging up.

* * *

The next few days went by faster than Edward would have imagined. Between cleaning out James' apartment and his bouts of crying almost everything was a blur. Burt and Mary were sitting next to Edward on the floor as they looked through books, movies and all the other knick-knacks James had in his apartment. James' parents were very generous with what they gave Edward. They were mostly interested in keeping photos and sentimental items. The guitar that always decorated the living, but was barely played in front of people was the only item that there was a disagreement over. Edward wanted to keep it, to remember James. It was his baby, his favorite guitar. Burt knew this as well. He didn't offer it to Edward and when Edward asked for it, Burt's eyes grew cold. A solid, unarguable 'no' was his reply. Edward backed down from that battle. The look Burt shot him was something Edward never wanted to see again.

Before Edward had a chance to actually cope with everything it was time for the funeral. He sat in between Burt and his mom as a priest read a scripture. He watched as Burt stood up and gave his eulogy, trying his hardest to hold back his tears. He was unsuccessful as Burt lamented his son. The tears came even harder when Burt couldn't hold it together and he stepped down with a 'We will always love and remember you, Jamie.'

It was his turn to speak, to remember and share a piece of James with people who didn't have the fortune to know him as well. Edward's mom gave his hand a quick squeeze before he walked to the front of the church to speak. As he stood there Edward couldn't help but to think that there were too many people around. That James wasn't close to most of these people and that he wouldn't like this. Edward became angry. They didn't know James, if they did they'd understand he'd want privacy. He stood there staring at the numerous acquaintances and strangers with contempt. He was silent long enough for his mother to walk up there and start to pull him down. He shook himself out of his reverie and just started talking.

"Everything about James was special. He was patient, loving and understanding. He always had this air about him that made people feel safe and comfortable. James had a way of making people feel special and needed. James never realized he did that, or his effect on people. I only knew James a couple of years and it wasn't long enough. He's being taken from us, from me, far too early. "Edward could feel the tears building in his eyes. He tried not to blink, he wasn't going to let them fall in front of all these people.

"James, even if I painted you in a bad light and exaggerated all your flaws, you would still be the most beautiful person I have ever known. I love you. I will always love you." As he finished, he did find himself crying and embarrassed.

Edward walked away from the podium with every ounce of composure he had left in him, which wasn't much. He stopped be his pew, but then kept walking. A bit too fast to go unnoticed by those sitting at the ends of the aisles. As he stepped outside of the church, he slumped against it. Edward felt like there was a ton of bricks on his chest and he found it hard to breathe. He hung his head between his knees, gasping for air and wishing that he didn't have to feel so horrible anymore.

He then felt a soft pressure on his back, a hand no doubt. Edward didn't lift his head to see the hands owner, but instead murmured a quiet "please leave me alone". Almost immediately the hand moved from Edward's back and he listened for the sound of disappearing footsteps. Edward didn't attend anything after that.

* * *

James' funeral came and went. His apartment was empty and Edward's mom had left. He sat on his bed and tried to focus on catching up on his classes. He missed quite a few and was far behind. Monday was only a few hours away and his life, without James, would have to continue. It was then, in the quiet of his room that he realized he hadn't contacted Jasper at all. Thinking about it now just made him sick. Anything regarding Jasper made him sick. He couldn't understand what made him think that hurting James like that was a smart idea. A ball of loathing began building in his stomach. Churning his grief into bitter anger at himself. The voice in the back of his head taunted him. _"It's all your fault. You're selfish and cowardly. You killed James all by yourself. His death is on your shoulders."_ Edward couldn't take it. Couldn't take another moment alone with himself. Out of pure desperation he called the only person he could depend on.

"I need you." Edward spoke softly over there phone. "Please, I just want to go home."

"Honey, you still have half of the quarter left." His mom argued.

"I can't do it. I can't. I need to take the quarter off." There was no hiding the tears in his voice.

"Edward, are you sure? You have to be sure about this. I will come get you if you need me too, but I think you should try. I know you hurt, Sweetie. You have to try carry on though."

"Mom, I just can't. It was my fault. James died because I'm a horrible person."

"No Edward, no it wasn't." Her tone transformed into one that would be used to soothe an upset baby.

"Yes, it was, mom!" Edward shouted. "Yes, it was! We got into a fight and he left the apartment to go to Laurent's." He let out a sobbing breath over the phone. "Do you understand now, mom? I need to go home!"

"Edward, it was not your fault. He left of his own volition. You didn't force him out. It was unfortunate timing and a group of murders, nothing more."

"Please, mom. Please. Please. Please." Edward begged through tears. "Mom, I can't be here. I can't I need to go home."

"Honey, I'm coming to get you."

She came the next day. Edward withdrew from school. He left without saying a word to his roommate or anyone else for that matter. As his mother drove away from Seattle University he didn't look back.

* * *

It wasn't long before Laurent and Jasper called looking for him. Less than a week actually. Edward never picked up the phone. He didn't even bother listening to the voicemail. He wasn't ready for that yet. Wasn't ready for a second wave of shame and guilt. After that call he turned off his phone, there wasn't a single person he wanted to talk to.

Edward really didn't do much, in fact. Most of the time since he arrived back at his childhood home was spent in his bed staring at the ceiling. He would make an effort to eat meals with his mother, only so that she wouldn't pester him, but that was the extent of his activities. Edward had barely unpacked a single box. Mostly just haphazardly digging though his suitcases for clean-ish clothes.

By the second week his mother hovered over him. Constantly in his room checking on him, making sure he was still breathing. She pulled back the curtains and opened the windows stating, "It smells like mold and death in here." She covered her mouth with her hands in shock "I'm sorry, Edward!"

"No, it's what I want." Edward said bluntly, "I want to be with James."

The thing Edward had expected to happen next, which was tears and worrying, did not. His mother crossed the room in two quick steps and slapped him hard across the face. "You selfish little shit, don't you dare do that to me!" His mother practically yelled.

Edward looked at her wide eyed, face stinging.

"I won't apologize." She said sternly, "I know you hurt, I know you're sad, but you'll get better and the pain will ease away. You're my child and I refuse to outlive you. We'll do whatever needs to get done to make you feel better, but you will not kill yourself. Do you understand me?"

"Mom," Edward was crying again, "it's my fault. You say it isn't, but it is. He left because I made him angry. I did something stupid and he got killed for it."

"Edward, no. It wasn't your fault. I know you fought, but it wasn't your fault." She was next to him wrapping her arms around him and making a shushing sound as Edward sobbed in her arms.

After a few moments of silence she opened her mouth again. "Do you want me to make you an appointment with a therapist? It might help to talk about this with someone."

Edward shook his head.

"Honey, you can't stay in bed any longer. You need to get out."

"And do what? Everyone is still at school and it's not like I have many people who like me here. I'm gay, remember? People here still think it's contagious." Edward's voice was stuffy.

"We can start a garden for you or maybe get you a dog." His mother offered.

"No, I don't want anything that depends on me."

"Why not?"

"I killed my boyfriend and he didn't depend on me. How well do you think something that does depend on me would fare?" Edward asked with complete candor.

His mother stood up, walked to the door and right before leaving said in her most authoritative voice "You will get your ass out of bed and do something productive within the hour or you start going to counseling."

Edward waited exactly 33 minutes before getting out of bed and putting on clean clothes. He then proceeded to pile all of his clothes by the door before taking them into the washroom by the armful.

Walking past his mother, he said in a bitter tone "I'm doing something productive."

* * *

The next couple of weeks at his house were tense. Edward unpacked all his boxes and rearranged his room. It wasn't exactly what his mother had wanted, but as long as he wasn't laying catatonic in his bed she wouldn't complain.

He didn't bother to talk to his mother all that much either. Edward found he could get away with simple one worded answers most of the time and when he couldn't he made sure he didn't give her answers that were open ended.

So when he walked past her without sparing her a glance, it came only came a slight shock when she exclaimed "I cannot do this anymore!"

Edward's mother grabbed her keys and walked out the door.

When Edward's dad was the one to walk into the house a few hours later Edward was more than surprised.

Edward stared at his dad for a few moments before running to get his phone. He was frantically trying to call him mother. It wasn't that he was afraid that his dad would physically hurt him, but rather he knew he could be able to mentally handle anything his dad had to say to him.

"Edward?" His dad called for him. "Edward? Why are you running from me?"

He left out a frustrated sigh. He couldn't figure out why his fingers weren't hitting the right spots. Edward didn't hear his dad come up behind him so he let out a little shriek when his dad took the phone from him.

"Dad, please I cannot handle anything you have to say to me right now."

"I'm sorry Edward." He said as he grabbed his son's shoulders and turned him around. "I'm sorry you have to go through all this."

Edward's dad enveloped him in a hug as he kept apologizing.

"Dad, why are you here?" Edward finally asked.

"Your mother."

"What did she tell you?" Edward could not figure out why she though sending his dad to him would be a good idea. She knew he didn't accept Edward.

"Everything you've been through lately."

"I don't want or need your pity."

"I've been a bad father. I'm sorry. Truly."

"Yeah." Edward didn't know what to say.

"I don't know where to start. Do you want to talk about it?" His dad asked a bit awkwardly.

"Dad, not right now. You've surprised me and I don't know how I feel about you. Maybe we can meet up for lunch some other time."

"You mother said you've been shutting her out. I can understand you doing that to me, but she doesn't deserve that." It wasn't a scolding statement, just an honest one.

"Yeah, I know. I don't mean to be rude, but could you leave now?" Edward was frustrated and upset he wanted nothing more than to be alone.

"I'm holding you to lunch. I'll see you later Edward."

As soon as his dad left Edward went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. He went into the bathroom with it and dragged it lightly against his thigh. He didn't know how he felt, but he figured anything else would feel better. As he pressed the knife more firmly and felt the first hint of pain, he didn't feel the relief he thought it would bring. Edward threw the knife across the bathroom and started wrecking everything within reach.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to get out. Let me know what you think.  
**


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